A Heck Of An Obituary...

J

JakeStratham

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Oct 28, 2009
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To break up the monotony that has hit the forum since the CT tragedy, here's something a little different: an obituary.


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Fairfax lived a full life. A quote from the article...

At 9, he settled a dispute with a pistol. At 13, he lit out for the Amazon jungle.

At 20, he attempted suicide-by-jaguar. Afterward he was apprenticed to a pirate.
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The article doesn't give us much to discuss, but it makes for fun reading. If you're ready to take a breather from the gun control debate, conspiracy undertones, and unfortunate polls, give it a read. It moves quick. :)
 


Great obit. I liked this paragraph:

In Panama, he met a pirate, applied for a job as a pirate’s apprentice and was taken on. He spent three years smuggling guns, liquor and cigarettes around the world, becoming captain of one of his boss’s boats, work that gave him superb navigational skills.
 
This is the most amazing life that I've never heard of. Best thing I've read on the Internet in weeks.
Did a quick search, unfortunately doesn't seem like anyone has published his biography. Too bad, because I'm sure it would be an interesting read. They ought to adapt this guy's life into a movie.
 
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCaNwcf2-HA]Rower John Fairfax interviewed in 1969 - YouTube[/ame]
 
Another choice quote:
On July 19, 1969 — Day 180 — Mr. Fairfax, tanned, tired and about 20 pounds lighter, made landfall at Hollywood, Fla. “This is bloody stupid,” he said as he came ashore. Two years later, he was at it again.
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John Fairfax Loved Hookers: Ten ‘Juicy’ Stories Omitted From His NYT Obit

Fox described the Rowing Society article as "very long, very juicy," and it is both of those. From smuggling to shark fights, here are ten things left out of John Fairfax's obituary:

  • When Fairfax was asked what he did for a living, he would usually answer, "I'm a professional adventurer. I not only enjoy it, I try to make money off it."
  • He was, he admits, a horrible kid, an only child spoiled rotten by his mother and nanny. "We had money," he says, "and I got everything I wanted. What I lacked was a father for an authority figure. It made me an opinionated little brat. To this day, I don't like children because they remind me of myself as a kid."
  • "[The Boy Scouts] were on a snow camping trip," he recalls, "but the first night we stayed in a hut. After an argument I had with another boy, I went and got the pistol I knew our leader kept in his gear. I stood outside and started firing at the hut, where all the boys were sleeping. Those military bullets penetrated the wooden hut like it was made of paper."
  • After Fairfax emptied the gun, the troop leader rushed out and grabbed it from him. Livid, he slapped John, who responded by kneeing him in the groin.
  • He met a Chinese call girl there, and after three months she had managed to make all his money disappear.
  • Fairfax, the lone reader on the crew, became their spokesman, prompting the captain to threaten his life, which prompted Fairfax to flee to Panama.
  • There he met a pirate, the biggest smuggler in Panama. "I told him I'd like to try my hand at smuggling. His response was to take me to a whorehouse and put me in bed between two whores. He said if I survived the night and they approved of me, I could work for him. I was so drunk, I don't remember anything.
  • I went all over the world, smuggling guns, whiskey, and cigarettes. Over the next three years I learned navigation and made my first million.
  • He hid out in a whorehouse for two weeks and then skippered a boat to Jamaica, where he worked as a fisherman for a year. After returning to Panama, he was involved in a shoot-out and had to leave the country with only the clothes on his back.
  • After fifteen minutes of teasing one of the most dangerous animals on earth, he was confident the shark was beginning to show signs of a nervous breakdown.
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source: John Fairfax Loved Hookers: Ten 'Juicy' Stories Omitted From His NYT Obit
 
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