I enjoyed the OP so fucking much that I just HAD to give it the play-by-play breakdown. It was destiny -- I couldn't ignore it.
Never before in my entire life have I ever seen anything so pathetically ridiculous, funny and sad -- all at once and at the same time. Let's hope that this dude is indeed retired from whatever he was doing, because after reading through this, I wouldn't even hire him to open my fucking mail....
Hello,
My name is Patrick Swift.
For some reason I'm doubting that this is your real name... seriously doubting it.
I have experienced alot of different things in marketing, I was even part of the adsense boom, back in the 90's. But I am retiring now and I am practically giving my methods away.
You sure do have a thing for the theatrical Patrick Swift. This is perhaps the least excited I have ever heard anyone who was selling any THING ever -- in the history of sold things.. Bravo! You're off to a good start!
So this ebook, it is how to build a high revenue from very little work daily. It is through Adult Marketing. I will be teaching you two methods in this.
That's it? Two methods? Are you fucking shitting me?
...seriously?
I will go into detail and show you the ins and outs of both methods.
Oh I BET you will!
Getting detailed on your whole, two methods -- that prolly takes you what, 3-4 minutes tops? Maybe five if you're eating a Pop Tart while you're doing it?
I will also give you sites that you can use to your advantage. I will show you how to put them in action and will give you examples.
You're officially rolling on ALL fucking rcylinders right now, Mr. Swift. All fucking cylinders.
Now there is only one problem. In order for this not to get saturated I am only offering 47 copy's.
Please excuse me while I go clean up the blood and gore that was a result of my head imploding after reading that last little bit there...
Pat my man... what kind of fucking magical voodoo, pixie-dust nath did you use to come to such a precise and utterly retarded fucking number?
I mean, would it really have KILLED you to round it up to 50, Pat? Would it?
Now you may be thinking "A method that makes you $700+ daily with little work? that must be $447 or something rediculous like that."
Your baseless logic is frightening the shit out of me, man. But I can't turn away. It's like when those stupid bitches get killed in horror films because they stand around watching their only chance at getting out of their situation alive get bludgeoned to death with a wiffle ball bat and a ball peen hammer. Seriously... it's quite frightening to me to imagine you trying to pull off some of your other hair brain schemes. Lemme guess.... I bet the elderly in your neighborhood lapped this shit up like it was fucking ice cream, huh Pat? You sly dog, you!
You seem to like the number seven a LOT as well -- but we'll wait to comment on that until its usage becomes even more gratuitous and blatantly apparent. Way to be discreet!
Well there you would be wrong. Now as I am retiring, I am offering this at a very low price. But this low price is only for WickedFire!
It's not $97!
It's not $47!
Not even $27!
All this is just.... $17!
Wow... lol. Just... lol.... wow.
That's all I can even say right now. Fuck it, let's quote that particular section again ONE more time so it can really sink into our psyches.
It's not $97!
It's not $47!
Not even $27!
All this is just.... $17!
You say all this like you promised a lot. Two "methods" and a five page e-book full of spelling and grammatical errors isn't going to cut it around here Mr. Swift. We are the Captain Planet to your Looten Plunder. Your shit makes everyone that comes into contact with it several degrees more moronic than they were before. It's garbage. And Captain Planet doesn't like him any garbage, Pat. Oh no!
There's not enough words to describe how ridiculously asinine that price slash was. If EVER there was an exact reference to someone blowing their load entirely too quickly, then you just accomplished it. Congratulations! Textbook ignorance Rob -- textbook ignorance!
And what'ya fucking know, you just used FOUR more sevens. Did it ever occur to you thatt we MIGHT also be privy to the information that the number 7 happens to catch people's eyes moreso than any other numbers? Way to try and sell tuna to sharks your fucking numbskull.
Just fucking relax with the 7's , bro. Seriously! This little sham of yours isn't going to convert for shit no matter how many 7's you jam into the fucking thing and the sooner you're informed of this the better for the human race as a whole. Although there were a few laughs on your clueless and pathetic behalf.
There is no sales page. But I have made it through digital delivery with DPD. So one paid you will get it to your email address instantly!
Well... alright, Robert -- if you SAY so!
I have no fucking idea what in the world you were trying to talk about with that digital delivery shit with the DPD -- way to clarify on that one -- a very sound strategy. Saying something off hand about some random thing that will automatically make people trust you -- it must be a very fantastic universe you live in, Pat. If that's your real name. I'm going to start calling myself Joshua Blazinglyfast. Yeah, that should get people to trust in me... that's EXACTLY what I'll do!
Please feel free to ask any questions
Thanks Pat, I think I'm good for the most part, though. Thank you for the multiple fits of giggling you caused me that were a mixture between pure glee that someone like you actually exists and also disbelief that... someone like you actually exists.
but it did make me lol I reconised the url 
