any thoughts?
- Thread starter jumpnjim
- Start date
Took forever to load, for one thing. That kills conversions, so get it fixed.
Your bold sub-headings are hard to read.
Your body text is too small (older people will find it hard to read). Generally speaking I go with 14px Helvetica, can't go wrong with that online. (You seem to be using Myriad Pro).
I'd get rid of the CTA in the top right, it's distracting and again, the font is too small and it's hard to read the benefits. I'd just go straight into testimonials and leave the CTA til further down the page. Someone's not going to buy this product without watching testimonials and reading your copy.
Questions are good, but those are a bit complicated and may result in prospects thinking too much. You want to get them saying "yes" rather than thinking lots.
Do you want to know how to protect yourself and your family? Do you want to learn to protect yourself, no matter your size? Do you want to learn fast, without wasting weeks on courses? Do you want to learn techniques that anyone can use?
Just a few things after a quick glance through..
Your bold sub-headings are hard to read.
Your body text is too small (older people will find it hard to read). Generally speaking I go with 14px Helvetica, can't go wrong with that online. (You seem to be using Myriad Pro).
I'd get rid of the CTA in the top right, it's distracting and again, the font is too small and it's hard to read the benefits. I'd just go straight into testimonials and leave the CTA til further down the page. Someone's not going to buy this product without watching testimonials and reading your copy.
Questions are good, but those are a bit complicated and may result in prospects thinking too much. You want to get them saying "yes" rather than thinking lots.
Do you want to know how to protect yourself and your family? Do you want to learn to protect yourself, no matter your size? Do you want to learn fast, without wasting weeks on courses? Do you want to learn techniques that anyone can use?
Just a few things after a quick glance through..
I'm not keen on landing pages with heaps of body text as I usually only skim through the content which I feel is going to provide me with worthwhile information. I much prefer graphics which highlight the main benefits of the service / product.
I think that if you are to go ahead with that amount of content then I think you should consider getting rid of the sidebar as this really distracts my eyes from the main text.
I think that if you are to go ahead with that amount of content then I think you should consider getting rid of the sidebar as this really distracts my eyes from the main text.
You MUST hire a good copywriter because whoever wrote the current piece sucks.
I just fixed your headline and sub-headline. Granted it's exaggerated, but I can bet that it will pull attention far better than yours.
How A Fat Martial Art Genius from California Accidentally Created “The Perfect Self Defense Training System”!
"It's so simple, it's embarrassing," he says.. and he INSISTS he can quickly teach his simple secret to YOU... Instantly killing your opponent within the first 5 seconds of every fight from here on out for the rest of your life!
By Jeremy "Wicked" Haas
Your video really sucks, I just watched the first minute and I think that Tony Blauer presents it much better than you. Stop saying no other systems teach this, except me, it's so annoying.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6CdH6xHcgo"]Blauer - Flinch & 1st two secs of a fight - YouTube[/ame]
Edit: I don't mean to call you fat, but that "fat martial arts genius" is a copy hook. Also your testimonial cannot be some chick saying that she learnt a lot from your course; it should be something like "I almost got raped, but I killed my rapist using Jeremy's system."
P.S. Don't use every thing I have written here literally, just saying.
I just fixed your headline and sub-headline. Granted it's exaggerated, but I can bet that it will pull attention far better than yours.
How A Fat Martial Art Genius from California Accidentally Created “The Perfect Self Defense Training System”!
"It's so simple, it's embarrassing," he says.. and he INSISTS he can quickly teach his simple secret to YOU... Instantly killing your opponent within the first 5 seconds of every fight from here on out for the rest of your life!
By Jeremy "Wicked" Haas
Your video really sucks, I just watched the first minute and I think that Tony Blauer presents it much better than you. Stop saying no other systems teach this, except me, it's so annoying.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6CdH6xHcgo"]Blauer - Flinch & 1st two secs of a fight - YouTube[/ame]
Edit: I don't mean to call you fat, but that "fat martial arts genius" is a copy hook. Also your testimonial cannot be some chick saying that she learnt a lot from your course; it should be something like "I almost got raped, but I killed my rapist using Jeremy's system."
P.S. Don't use every thing I have written here literally, just saying.
