Give us your best joke!

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KSRothwell

KSRothwell

The Adonis Thaumaturge
Aug 7, 2006
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Chattanooga, TN
Post the best joke you got!

Heres mine:

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No, no," the penguin replies, "It's just ice cream."
 


*Standing in the Statue of Liberty looking outwards from Ellis Island*
"Hmm, you know I haven't been inside a woman like this in six months!"
 
A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "That’s a good piece of fir." "Correct,” says the manager, “now try this one." "That’s a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.

With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused,” says the blind man, “Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the shit house door off a tuna boat!"
 
Three women are walking down the street.
Their names are Tampax, Kotex, and Playtex.
Which one says "Hi" first?


None, they're all stuck up cunts.
 
How did Hellen Keller burn her ear?
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She answered the iron.



How did she burn her other ear?
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The SOB called back.



Why is her leg yellow?
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Her dog is blind too.



How did her mom punish her?
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She re-aranged the furniture.



How did she burn her face?
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Bobbing for french fries.
 
Can I smell Something

A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks, "Can I smell your Pussy?"

The woman is outraged and answers with a stern, "Of course not!"

The drunk man replies......."Oh, then it must be your feet."
 
2 blondes walking down opposite sides of a river, one blonde stops and shouts to the other, "Excuse me, how do I get to the other side?"

The other blonde stops, look down stream, looks up stream, looks back at the other blonde and replies' "You are on the other side!"
 
What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

One's a sick duck, and I can't remember how it ends but your mother's a whore!

SeanConnerysmall.jpg
 
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