Have you ever heard your neighbors having sex?

Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute

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Dec 7, 2009
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Southern Mexico
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I have never heard anyone banging away, but my wife has.

At a party this weekend people were sharing their encounters and I found it quite entertaining.

Any good stories?

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All the time. My apartment building has thin walls. Can't say I have any good stories. Just people banging and moaning away - nothing special.
 
I was having a garage sale a month ago and my neighbors 12 yo daughter came over to help. I asked her why she wanted to help and she said that her dad told her to, because he and his gymnast lady friend were going to need the house to "exercise" for an hour.

It was cute how she just repeated what he had said and had no idea what they were really doing. lol
 
I'm the culprit in my building. There is no apartment next to mine, but there is one above and below and I can hear them talking and cooking so I'm sure they can hear me banging. The guy above me runs a shop on the first floor of this building, and he gets up every morning at 4am, so every time I've got a girl making noise at midnight I feel a bit sorry for the guy.

Better story. The windows in my apartment are opaque, so I can see light from outside but can't see any detail, it's just fog. So I assumed that nobody could see me from the outside. WRONG. You can see figures and shapes and colors clearly from outside because everything is fairly close to the windows, and I often get busy on the sofa which is right next to the opaque sliding doors, and never bothered closing the curtains. So one morning I go out onto my balcony to take in my laundry and the old lady on her balcony across the street starts screaming at me and calling me a pervert and sex maniac and a terrible human being and that I should go back to my country. The night before I had banged a girl on the sofa and the old lady had seen everything.

I close the curtains these days.
 
my last neighbors were a couple gay guys and I would hear headboard banging against the wall trying to go to sleep at like 4am...

I would have to get up and go into the living room and tuck into a ball and whimper until the sun came up, hah.

I have no problem with people being gay, but unless it is a couple of hot pretending to be lesbian girls I just really have no need to hear the headboard banging against my wall...mental images yaknow.

Also hear good ol fashioned p in the v sexytime through bathroom vents.
 
When I was teaching English overseas in Korea it was pretty weird.....apartments are crammed together, people are jammed into them like sardines, and the walls are then.

Problem is, it is impossible to tell the difference between a roll in the hay, a screaming child, or a domestic dispute.

Each one sounds the exact same...
 
I had a place in Vacaville where the walls were made, I think, out of imagination and the crushed dreams of teenagers. Something thin, in any event. A very, very, very happy couple's bedroom was on the other side of mine. Every goddamned night. Every. God. Damn. Night. Fortunately I had seen her, and she was hot, and she liked to talk dirty, which I like. So that offset the lack of sleep somewhat. But still. Every night. Sometimes they'd get back up in the middle of the fucking night and go again.

I've been happy to see California receding in the rear view mirror every single time I've seen it, but never like I was that summer.


Frank
 
Ugh, my condo walls are made from double 5/8" drywall with resilient channel construction and sound dampening insulation and I can STILL occasionally hear my neighbors next door having sex, although very faint. I can't imagine how loud they must be for me to hear them. At least their bedroom is adjacent to my library so I can just close the door and isolate them further.
 
I once lived in a brownstone in the city and I was working away chatting on the phone when the room started shaking.

I got a little worried since the building was around 100 years old so I walked out back to the wooden balcony/stairs to see if I felt it there. Nothing.

I then went back into my bedroom and ended the phone call shortly, that's when I heard the moaning.

My neighbors above me were a heavy couple and they just happened to be going at it.

I proceeded to hear them at least three more times before I moved.

Thank God for headphones.
 
When I lived back in Chicago, my wife and I would hear our upstairs neighbors going at it... not sex... fighting like cats and dogs.... it was pretty crazy shit. We couldn't make out words, but they would just lay into each other for 20 30 minutes straight. Yelling and screaming and knocking shit over. It would happen at least a couple times a week.

Then.... afterwards.... like clockwork, they would go have really loud and violent makeup sex. Again, we couldn't make out words, which is too bad because I'm sure they said some crazy shit too each other, and we did hear someone's ass getting slapped a bunch. I'd like to think it was hers... cause she was smoking hot.

When we saw them in the stairwells they were perfectly normal and super polite people, goes to show you that you never know.
 
Bofu2U said:
I don't normally but I guess I'm the culprit in this building.

However, at ASE Fatbat & I heard the room next door going at it. Sounded hawt. If it was one one of you guys, bravo - had her singing like a canary.
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Probably just some poor guy, Pay Per View, and the TV turned up too loud.
 
I used to house share with a 2 lesbians, and heard them going at it. Including the 'top' one spanking the 'bottom' one occasionally.

The funny thing was, throughout the time we lived together, they kept on pretending they were just 'friends' who shared a room (with only one bed). This is despite one of them having short hair, an eyebrow piercing and a fondness for chunky sweaters and hush puppies.

It wasn't particularly hot, just funny.
 
I used to live in this shit neighborhood, one day when I was outside (middle of the day) smoking a cigarette I could hear the neighbors across the street fucking. They left the front door open (screen door closed). He was a redneck and his wife was this enormous beast of a woman, first I heard him

"Whoooo! Yaaay! I'm an animal! wwooooo!!!"

Then she'd scream

"What kinda animal are youuuu!!?"

He'd scream

"I'm a Tiger!! wwooooo!!!"

She'd scream

"Yeeeaaaaahhh, fuck me like a tiger!!! woooooooo!"

Made it even funnier with their hill billy redneck accents, and the cheap $2 squeeky mattress noises. I seriously couldn't stop laughing... Next morning we're both going to work and he says "Hi" to me, and I couldn't resist... so I said "Hey Tiger, how are ya?" The doors were closed everytime after that.
 
cheshire said:
I used to live in this shit neighborhood, one day when I was outside (middle of the day) smoking a cigarette I could hear the neighbors across the street fucking. They left the front door open (screen door closed). He was a redneck and his wife was this enormous beast of a woman, first I heard him

"Whoooo! Yaaay! I'm an animal! wwooooo!!!"

Then she'd scream

"What kinda animal are youuuu!!?"

He'd scream

"I'm a Tiger!! wwooooo!!!"

She'd scream

"Yeeeaaaaahhh, fuck me like a tiger!!! woooooooo!"

Made it even funnier with their hill billy redneck accents, and the cheap $2 squeeky mattress noises. I seriously couldn't stop laughing... Next morning we're both going to work and he says "Hi" to me, and I couldn't resist... so I said "Hey Tiger, how are ya?" The doors were closed everytime after that.
Click to expand...

LMAO @ hey tiger....LOL
 
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