My First Person Non-Fiction Collection Of Short Stories

Enigmabomb

Enigmabomb

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Feb 26, 2007
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Than Franthithco
Since leaving my job I've had some time on my hands. What started out as an excuse to try out Medium.com has kind of turned into a bigger project.

If you like quick reads that give tiny glimpses into the life of someone who has what you might call a "serendipity problem", you might like this.

Constructive feedback is always welcome.


https://medium.com/salmon-running
 


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Read the dating story.

I don't have any feedback, but I finished it in one go. And I have mild ADD. So flows well, if nothing else.
 
I like the site, I like the writing, I like everything except you.

You need a different character.
 
I read one piece. The margarita dating one with the girl from WA

You have some flair. But to me two things made it so I wouldn't read anymore:

1- You try too hard to be witty and clever. And it seeps through. Like the guy who tells a joke and then explains it when no one laughs; not because they didn't understand it, but because it wasn't funny.

2- Your stories are WAY too fucking trivial. If that is the best you have to write about, then you ain't going to get far. At least with people who dream of being more than a boring sob.


Now the last two points I'm going to mention aren't didn't jump out at me so much, but still:

3- Write less, write better. 1 great one per month and you will be a prolific writer. 5 per day (it seems like that is the type of output your writing should have given the low quality), will not help you.

4- Make your writing more open ended. Leave more to the imagination. You detail too much and described too little at the same time; if that makes any sense.

5- If you want to really reach people you need to include elements that relate to the human condition, not just quirky anecdotes. Open yourself up more, stop trying to impress (I guess this is related to #1)
 
seriously bro, you should travel. And don't stay in the nice hotels where all the other foreigners stay. Go backpacking, hitch a ride, stay in a hostel, do things your mother wouldn't approve of, you might have something interesting to write about then. I just read the chile shit.
 
it's easy to criticize, hard to create. Unless any of you guys are professional writers or an English teacher I don't know what basis you have to be so critical.
 
cpauser said:
it's easy to criticize, hard to create. Unless any of you guys are professional writers or an English teacher I don't know what basis you have to be so critical.
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Circle jerk is that way >>>>>

WF is awesome because we show each other love by being critical and not holding each others hand and chanting how awesome we are. As awesome as it is to get my ass licked (I've literally had someone do this) I never really learned anything from it. Getting my teeth kicked in? Having my ass handed to me in an argument with someone that has opposing views? I've learned then.

Except in anorcho-smart threads. Then the circle can happen since other voices are drowned out by arguments ad nauseum. I think we can also agree on the awesomeoness of penis hording and collecting. Some might call it the ways of hording and collecting penises.
 
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greenleaves said:
You try too hard to be witty and clever. And it seeps through. Like the guy who tells a joke and then explains it when no one laughs; not because they didn't understand it, but because it wasn't funny.

Your stories are WAY too fucking trivial. If that is the best you have to write about, then you ain't going to get far. At least with people who dream of being more than a boring sob.
Click to expand...

greenleaves said:
seriously bro, you should travel. And don't stay in the nice hotels where all the other foreigners stay. Go backpacking, hitch a ride, stay in a hostel, do things your mother wouldn't approve of, you might have something interesting to write about then. I just read the chile shit.
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The Chile one was really bad. The terrible forced attempts at being funny. The insecurity. Everything.

You're generally an idiot on most everything else, but your critique here is spot on.
 
a few thoughts from the beginning of "musical chairs":

"The seatbelt rubbed against my neck and pain shot through my arm as I was trying to rub the wine stains from my lips and teeth. From time to time my arm will decide to try and depart from my body, keeping me from resting it at my side. The happy hour I was departing was working as a great way to calm my fears about online dating."

* the pain/restlessness in your arm -- a random pain shooting thru your arm isn't something the reader can relate to; it seems to have no place in the story, so why is it there? include it in the plot or cut it.

* "the happy hour i was departing..." the further away from normal conversational writing you get, the smaller your audience gets. unless you're trying to impress your 10th grade english teacher, write it as you'd say it.

hope that helps. good luck bro.
 
drave said:
* "the happy hour i was departing..." the further away from normal conversational writing you get, the smaller your audience gets. unless you're trying to impress your 10th grade english teacher, write it as you'd say it.
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Agree with that. But yeah just read Musical Chairs and lold at the ending.
 
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