Hey guys I have created my first landing page today. Please give me both postive and negative feedback. The landing page is for NFL tickets.
landing page here
landing page here
My landing page
- Thread starter Onedollaridea
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I suck at grammer and there are some mispellings like what to go to a football game should be want.
Needs to be more splashy. Your dealing with an NFL crowd that is heavily marketed to by heavy hitters with class act ads, so they are used to slick shit.
Always be the consumer before you make an offer and try to see the world as they see it not you.
Needs to be more splashy. Your dealing with an NFL crowd that is heavily marketed to by heavy hitters with class act ads, so they are used to slick shit.
Always be the consumer before you make an offer and try to see the world as they see it not you.
"What to go and Watch your team ?"
What? Should be Want... and either capitalize all the words or remove the capital W from watch in the second line.
Grammatically, the whole thing leaves me kinda cold but that's my personal opinion. Everyone has their own writing style.
Aesthetically, it looks nice. I like the colors and graphics. I'd recommend making the NFL logo non-transparent and putting in the white background, like it really is. It would make it pop.
I'm not fond of your choice of fonts.
What? Should be Want... and either capitalize all the words or remove the capital W from watch in the second line.
Grammatically, the whole thing leaves me kinda cold but that's my personal opinion. Everyone has their own writing style.
Aesthetically, it looks nice. I like the colors and graphics. I'd recommend making the NFL logo non-transparent and putting in the white background, like it really is. It would make it pop.
I'm not fond of your choice of fonts.
"an NFL game" would be the proper way to write it.
Impact is probably one of the worst fonts you could choose, I'd change that to something a little easier to stand.
Impact is probably one of the worst fonts you could choose, I'd change that to something a little easier to stand.
just so you know about the "a" or "an" situation, the letter N is a continent but the word "en"(sp? haha) starts an E which is a vowel hence you use "an"
As far as the "A" or "AN" debate as it refers to "NFL" the simple truth is that it SHOULD BE "A NFL..." if you want to be grammatically correct because "N" is a consonant. However, phonetically, it sounds "right" if you say "AN" before NFL because the letter "N" begins with a vowel when enunciated.
In modern times, it is basically an unspoken rule in print form to accept either one because people read with a voice in their head. So while the grammatically correct version may get you a good grade in English 101, it may potentially mentally-trip people when they read the sentence.
My opinion is that the less people concentrate on grammar and the more they concentrate on the product I am pushing, the more money I make.
So my vote, while grammatically incorrect, would be for "AN."
As far as your page, you isolated me when I saw a Giants helmet on there and nothing else. My first reaction was that you're only selling Giants tickets. And that's just wrong. Haha. Have some helmet representation for ALL NFL teams on there surrounding the content. This way you won't isolate anyone and it will help to fill some of that annoying empty space.
Hope this helps.
In modern times, it is basically an unspoken rule in print form to accept either one because people read with a voice in their head. So while the grammatically correct version may get you a good grade in English 101, it may potentially mentally-trip people when they read the sentence.
My opinion is that the less people concentrate on grammar and the more they concentrate on the product I am pushing, the more money I make.
So my vote, while grammatically incorrect, would be for "AN."
As far as your page, you isolated me when I saw a Giants helmet on there and nothing else. My first reaction was that you're only selling Giants tickets. And that's just wrong. Haha. Have some helmet representation for ALL NFL teams on there surrounding the content. This way you won't isolate anyone and it will help to fill some of that annoying empty space.
Hope this helps.
thanks guys for the good review. I will make all the changes as discussed in this thread. I believe I need to change the writing style for it. I will try and get a pic of a helmet which has NFL or something universal on it.
This was just a protocol, so I will be making tweaks to it with proper tickets domain etc.
Just finally if I do make changes to pic and grammer do you guys think I will get a good click thru for it?
This was just a protocol, so I will be making tweaks to it with proper tickets domain etc.
Just finally if I do make changes to pic and grammer do you guys think I will get a good click thru for it?
Good point. Other's have mentioned the grammar and spelling mistakes. To me the font you chose looks really pixellated (or is it pixelated? 2 L's I guess...)
I like this bit:
Will that be dynamically generated from PPC keywords?
Dude use some more space on the edges. The words are too close to the edges. Plus, the graphic is not catchy enough. Looks like a scam to me. You need to stimulate the user with the entire screen, not just a small mid section. It looks so plain in the middle.
One thing you might want to change is, when I clicked through to the ticket website, the first tickets that displayed were for the San Francisco Giants rather than for the New York Giants. I don't think this is what you intended, so you might want to filter out these tickets if possible.
Seeing that you are trying to presell football tickets, stick a big ass football on the page somewhere. Also find a good image of a stadium football field. You want to make them think about how fucking great it would be sitting on the 40 yard line watching some pig skin. A tiny pic of a football helment probably isn't going to get the job done.
hey guys thanks for the advice. I am currently making changes to the whole page and the design. I will show you guys the beta once done. cheers
I am adding keywords to it,
Better Pictures
Better font and more...
I am adding keywords to it,
Better Pictures
Better font and more...
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