It was almost a year ago that I swore I would never IV DMT again. Do to my curiousity to penetrate further I ignored the reasons I swore off IVing this powerful psychedelic.
Last night:
Sweat started to bead on my forehead as I looked at the syringe that held 75mg. of DMT. I had been shaking all afternoon thinking about the experiance to come. After my kids were safley in bed I told my wife of my intentions and headed into the den. She gave me the look a mother gives her child when he does something playfully foolish. As I layed on the couch in the den I pondered why I chose 75mg. This was to be the highest dose I IV'd in my 20 year relationship with this drug. I decided to get on with it because the longer I waited the more my anxiety increased. I called my wife in and said it was time.
As soon as the plunger was down I could taste the DMT. It tasted as though it all went directly to my mouth. I then thought that mabye I did too much. As with many other psychedelic sessions I thought ohh well now is as good as any time to die.That was the last thought I had. It hit me with the full force of a comet hitting a planet. The first flash of it was amazing. I could feel the energy penetrate my central nervous system. It sent shock waves through every neuron and cell in my body. I felt something pull me as though I was being sucked up and out of my body. I was being shot through levels of visions ,but was moving so fast I didn't have time enjoy them.
I was totally gone. Then I came to a place were I started to slow down. I felt kind of uncomfortable because I could tell I was not alone. Then this worm appeared in a greasy mechanics jumpsuit and said not to worry they were just checking under the hood and making some adjustments. Then I heard laughter. After that I traveled further on. After this point I can't really describe what went down. All I can say is the universe is so, so fucking vast. We havn't a clue as to the immensity of it.
Having ego death is one thing, but this was so much more. Ego death was just the begining. DMT allows us to travel to other worlds that our wildest imaginations couldn't even fathom. I would blast into a plane and there would be a celabration.
The were so happy to have company. I remember hearing this language that was totally estatic. Every sound caused exstacy. Everything was at such a high rate of speed that I couldn't cling and stay in any place for more than a moment. So much information. I felt as if it didn't matter to them if "I" processed the info. It was being recorded on a molecular level.
I started to come down about 400 years later. As I decended I was able to enjoy the visual planes I was unable to see on the way up. On the way up I felt like a bullet flying through a cartoon matrix of beautiful scenery. On the way down I was going much slower. I clould feel my wifes hand on my forehead. As I finally came down I was a feather floating gently to the ground.
When I opened my eyes I could see my wife and tears in her eyes. She said that about 2 minutes in my pulse was to high to count. She could see my viens bulging. I have high BP as it is and I imagine it really shot up because I had a headache later on. She just stared at me and I couldn't say a thing. It took awhile before I could talk again. She asked me about it and I said nothing. I just couldn't find the words. She seamed very concerned that I could have had a stroke. She gave me a kiss and said "I hope you found what you were looking for". This comment of hers set off a long time of processing exactly what I was looking for and what I found. I concluded I was looking for astonishment and I had gotten it tenfold.
So for now I will swear off IVing DMT and just smoking it during mushroom trips. If I ever do IV it again it won't be 75mg. When I smoke it on mushrooms I seem to get more info from the experiance. IVing it is so intense that the only thing you learn is you don't have a clue. Its like throwing yourself on a psychedelic grenade. Too much info too fast.
As the night wore on I started to feal very shakey and weak. My head was pounding and I felt that as I had pushed myself to far. It was a psychedelic electrocution. I was left astounded and unable to comprehend what had happened. Today I feel better, but unconnected to everyday reality. I go through to motions of my day ,but part of me is still gasping at what happened. Last night I was watching CNN since I couldn't sleep and they were talking about the space program. I had to grin at the thought of my experiance and how many billions of dollars they spend. Walking on Mars wouldn't be anything compared to DMT.
So after nearlly 20 years using this substance in different methods and amounts I would say I reached my limit. I will continue to use DMT a few times a year, but not at this intensity. Last year I shot 50mg. and was blown away. After 75mg. I dare not venture further.
