My Restroom Experience Today On Campus



Tobias Funke said:
I was working at a construction site years ago and saw a guy using the urinal like this. I was shocked.

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[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxo9wGA9qYg]Dumb and Dumber - He Must Work Out - YouTube[/ame]
 
It sounds like something Creator would do. Then after you left without saying goodbye he would call you a hater
 
There is nothing better than trolling in the bathroom. strike up a conversation at the urinal and look down at your neighbor during said conversation. The key is to keep staring and talking
 
When that shit happens to me ( not the talking, but someone shitting next to me ), i clean up and while leaving, turn the fucking lights out on them and LOL down the hall way to where ever Im going.
 
eliquid said:
When that shit happens to me ( not the talking, but someone shitting next to me ), i clean up and while leaving, turn the fucking lights out on them and LOL down the hall way to where ever Im going.
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Alpha males just make their shit smell worse.
 
True Story: Battle Asses.

Date: 2007-05-02, 1:25PM CDT

Sorry, I don't have anything to post about layoffs or politics, but I DO have another story from the Public Bathroom. Enjoy.

You are my arch nemisis. I see you wandering around as I go about my IT Computer Nerd business: Tall. Middle Eastern. Pot Belly. We catch each others eye every now and then and give each other a slight nod. I know you, I know what you do and I am on to your games.

I saw you this morning, we made eye contact. You nodded and took another bite of whatever Death-Ass producing garbage you fuel up on that makes the bathroom, smell like the inside of a dead monkey's colon, and nodded at me. I got you this time, fucker.

I give you my icey grin and nod back, then hurry back to my office. It's almost noon, and that's the time you like to run to the toilet and preform your daily ASS JIHAD on all the people just trying to wash their hands. Maybe in your country there is no commen sense that would tell you that lunch time = hand wash time. People want to get clean and eat, not be fumigated with the high octane liquid shit attack you subjigate them too.

But I got you this time. Yeah fucker I GOT SOMETHING COOKING UP FOR YOU! Two egg sandwiches with cheese. Greasy sausage patties. A couple glasses of Tang. Some leftover Chinese food. A Twix. Root Beer Soda. Some steamed brocoli I had in the fridge. A Hot Pocket with peperonni and cheese. A Chocolate Poptart. And like a cherry on top ... a McDonald's Quaterpounder with cheese.

I never eat this shit, it's all greasy and fucking nasty, but today is the day I fight back. I go out for a quick mile jog and almsot die. My stomach feels like there are two midgets fighting to the death inside there. I walk back to work, ass clenched tighter than a virgin's thighs at Church.

Great. The hot chick from next door wants to chat. She assumes the sweat on my face and arms is from running. She doesn't realize that it's a cold sweat induced by my severe sphicter trauma. She finally shuts up and I stagger to the Death Ass Arena.

You are there already in your favorite stall: The one right next to the fucking sinks. You stupid, socially retarded fuck. Fine. You have yet to begin your daily purge of Middle Eastern Ass Stew. I enter the stall next to you and drop my pants in preperation of the upcomming battle.

Your opening slavo is fired: A sloppy wet fart with a solid-shot closer. I laugh and show you the power of Advanced American Foodstuffs.

The tuba fart I unleash echos off the walls and shrinks my waistline about an inch. The guy at the urinal laughs as I slap the wall between you and I and say "Back to YOU, Kajid!". You are silent, I assume you know who I am and that the time has come for us to battle. I know you are summoning your intestinal fortitude for full out war.

You do not dissapoint me.

With a hissing "SSSShhhhhzzzzzzzzz!" you squirt out a deadly spray of ass juice that pollutes the air and makes my head swim. The pisser at the urinal is no longer laughing, he quickly zips up and runs for the door. He did not stop to wash his hands, instead opting to head for the hills. I cover my mouth and nose with my shirt and the black spots dissapear from my vision. My head clears. I am ready.

"AAaaaaaaaRRRRRGGGHHH!" I yell, as I drop Big Tim. That's short for "Big Timber" ... AKA "Mississippi Butt Log".

Quick-fire farts stutter out of my ass, as I push the monster log from the Shit Dimension into our reality. The beefy, yeasty stench easily overpowers the Indian Ass Gutter oder of your previous attack. Mega Turd hits the water in the bowl with a mighty splash, the reek is that of a dead whale slowly ripening in the hot, tropical sun. I catch my breath and wipe my brow, and start to pat myself on the back. I should have known the battle was not over.

The only thing I can think of is that you must has completly unzipped your ass to your elbow. That's the only way I could begin to explain the lumpy, creamy splashs falling out of your ass into the toilet. It sounds like you are pouring a gallon of strawberry shake with whole strawberries in it into the shitter. I see the hairs on my arms start to curl from the horrid stench wafting up from under your stall. I shudder and sway on my throne, unsure if I will survive.

I have no choice. I must employ the Deal Breaker. I hunker down and clench my hands together. My fingers twitch and entwine like a nest of snakes, almost like I am running through a series of ancient Ninja Hand Symbols. My feet lift up onto the toes and my legs start to shake.

"You want to play??" I growls. A low moaning comes from my stomach, like a dinosaur calling into a swampy, foggy night. "YOU GOT IT! AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Like Cloud summoning The Knights of the Round in Final Fantasy 7, I summon the Excalibur of Turd Demons to destroy my enemy. Hot magma-like shit rockets out of my ass, releasing a noxious, sticky cloud of deadly recal perfume. I hear you gag and see your feet shuffle around, but you can't get away, can you? No. You can't.

Veins throb on my neck and temples as the turd monster tears itself from my bowels. My lips skin back from my now clenched teeth and I try not to scream. Your roll of toilet paper rolls into my stall. You must have torn it from the wall with numb fingers in an attempt to "Wipe and Scoot". Too late. MUCH too late!

Oders pound you with merciless fists: Rotten Fruitcake stuffed with boiled chicken assholes. Hammered shit-logs served on a bed of week old white rice. Rosie O'Donnel's racid crotch farts. The smell of your mom's dank, hairy Middle Eastern armpits.

Your stall door bangs open and you stagger out. You take three unsteady steps to the door and can barely open it wide enough to slip out. I laugh at you before you leave. "Yeah! RUN, Fucker!" I yell, and laugh again. You say nothing.

It's all over except for the clean up. Fuck with me again, you shit filled Anal Terrorist. Me and my ass will be waiting.
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Mike said:
Pewep, if I unban your other account will you delete all these extras you have lying around?

Addendum: and change your avatar
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I can't tell if you are being serious about thinking I'm another member that I'm guessing got banned for whatever reason.

But I assure you that the odds of him having the same IP, Location, and ISP is slim to none lol. Not to mention I don't think anyone here can be as dumb as I am when it comes to pushing traffic.

EDIT: Also, if you really are being serious I would like to some how verify my identity as not pewpew via skype or whatever lol. I do NOT want to go to DP.
I've only glanced at there site and its a damn mess full of complete and utter assbags.
 
thehobbster said:
The obvious course of action would have been to hurry up and finish, then piss on his feet under the stall door.
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Nah, the obvious course of action would be to pass a couple of slices of bread over the top, pre-smeared with peanut butter + chocolate spread, and ask if he'd like some because you're full.


OP - cheer up, it could have been worse. You could have gone to use the urinal and seen an eye looking up at you.

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/deep-inside-the-chain-pub-piss-dungeon
 
Back in high school, after having lunch at the cafeteria, we used to take a shit as a group. It was kind of a ritual.

We were always 3 or 4 guys and while sitting there, waiting, we'd all pull out our cellphones and start playing those crappy old midi-ring tones...similar to this:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23qrrENLsLI]Banana Splits Retro Midi Ringtone! - YouTube[/ame]


All stalls occupied by us, laughing, with a symphony of ever-changing midi-ring tones coming out of 4 phones and everyone else in the bathroom:


eATeG.gif



...next time try to break the ice with some music, OP.
 
AdWordscissorh& said:
Back in high school, after having lunch at the cafeteria, we used to take a shit as a group. It was kind of a ritual.

We were always 3 or 4 guys and while sitting there, waiting, we'd all pull out our cellphones and start playing those crappy old midi-ring tones...similar to this:

Banana Splits Retro Midi Ringtone! - YouTube


All stalls occupied by us, laughing, with a symphony of ever-changing midi-ring tones coming out of 4 phones and everyone else in the bathroom:


eATeG.gif



...next time try to break the ice with some music, OP.
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Hey Bro.... is this you?

gloryhole-in-one.jpg


Because ^^^THAT IS FUCKING GAY!
 
Spooled said:
I can't tell if you are being serious about thinking I'm another member that I'm guessing got banned for whatever reason.

But I assure you that the odds of him having the same IP, Location, and ISP is slim to none lol. Not to mention I don't think anyone here can be as dumb as I am when it comes to pushing traffic.

EDIT: Also, if you really are being serious I would like to some how verify my identity as not pewpew via skype or whatever lol. I do NOT want to go to DP.
I've only glanced at there site and its a damn mess full of complete and utter assbags.
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I doubt it. No offence, but it's been previously established that his other account is a respected member with a lot of posts (Again, not being a dick, just since you only have 20 posts :) )

amateursurgeon said:
Nah, the obvious course of action would be to pass a couple of slices of bread over the top, pre-smeared with peanut butter + chocolate spread, and ask if he'd like some because you're full.


OP - cheer up, it could have been worse. You could have gone to use the urinal and seen an eye looking up at you.

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/deep-inside-the-chain-pub-piss-dungeon
Click to expand...
Wow. I'll never complain about the conditions of a toilet again.
 
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