The problem with gambling is that unless you are doing just a few odd bets here and there for fun, you can get raped big time unless you have a big enough bankroll to support losses. People don't like to lose and chasing losses like this is usually where it can get messy. Put it behind you for now and dedicate yourself fully to your business. If you want to gamble in the future then that's fine, but do it when you are in a place when you have enough cash to support it, with 0 debts behind you. I have always bet on sports that I do think requires skill (and a bankroll). Not too sure if the same can be said for anything played at a casino though. Those places are designed to milk you dry. Good luck buddy.
You know you're a fucking idiot when you have a gambling problem.
- Thread starter boatBurner
- Start date
I appreciate that, and my community circles include family, a small but trusted network of friends, and different subsets of online networks. The rest are past friendships, Marine Corps peers, and business acquaintances.
Believe it or not, WF actually holds more weight than 50% of those.
I might not have emphasized this, but she's obviously upset. This is the kind of thing in a marriage that is a deal breaker. The fact that she's willing to work through this with me - this time - is a big character show.
I definitely caused this. I don't like to play victim.
dmnEPC, the problem with this addiction is that it's easy to hide, especially for me. I don't get this unwavering urge to gamble on a regular basis. I don't even get it on occasion. But when I do get it, it starts a cycle of personality failures.
I'm an ambitious, routinely responsible, charismatic person. I can even be intelligent when I try. So one minute, you and I are having a friendly conversation about the playoffs, doing a business deal that seems to be going well, and your opinion is fairly positive about me. And all of a sudden, you find out I've spent $x,xxx at the casino and I'm in a hard place.
Those closest to me had no idea, up until I told them probably due to the fact that they'd find out sooner or later.
WF is a troll fest, I get it. But I've made some good friendships here (and in my defense, I get trolled here at least once a month) but it's slightly therapeutic to polarize this problem. I've gotten some solid advice that I've acted on before, and this situation is no different.
It's an embarrassing problem to have. I can't say that enough.
I think you are subconsciously using the Gambling as a Quick Fix to your stress.
Just one good bet fixes it. But all the bad bets make you have to either lay larger bets or more bets to recoup your losses.
It's a HORRIBLE cycle & trap that you're setting up.
I read something a while back that made a lot of sense to me.
"Man is the only animal that creates his own trap. He then puts the best bait in it and willing steps inside."
Think on that a bit. Let it REALLY sink in.
For immediate help right now, I can only give you a MENTAL image to use.
Think of your children standing in Quick Sand. They need YOU to SAVE THEM. Every time you gamble they can't see you so they get scared and start moving to find you. This causes them to sink faster.
Going to gamble is akin to you just standing there and Praying that they will be helped. When instead you need to be TAKING ACTION to rescue them yourself. Like making a rope to throw to them or finding a branch that you can extend to them so YOU can PULL THEM OUT to safety.
Going to school and building your business will take time like making a rope, but when it's done, it will be REAL and DEPENDABLE.
With those tools you will always be able generate money on your own. You won't need LUCK or to gamble in order to provide for them.
A Hope and Wish are both Goals with NO ACTION behind them. This because those who Hope or Wish for something feel that THEY themselves have NO POWER to attain their Goal.
Gambling is not much different.
Do keep your Wife and Partner informed of what you're THINKING and FEELING. Let them help you find the TRUE ROOT CAUSE of why you are gambling "again" at this time in your life.
You know that I was an Artillery Marine out of Hawaii back in the day. Believe it or not, you can actually draw on some of your Military experiences to help you with this. Think back to how you dealt with stress and NEW things. Then pull the positives out and apply them.
Unfortunately I had to kinda rush this as I'm in the middle of something right now. I will "ponder" on your situation though. If anything comes to mind that may be of use/help to you I'll post again later.
Semper Fi
Just one good bet fixes it. But all the bad bets make you have to either lay larger bets or more bets to recoup your losses.
It's a HORRIBLE cycle & trap that you're setting up.
I read something a while back that made a lot of sense to me.
"Man is the only animal that creates his own trap. He then puts the best bait in it and willing steps inside."
Think on that a bit. Let it REALLY sink in.
For immediate help right now, I can only give you a MENTAL image to use.
Think of your children standing in Quick Sand. They need YOU to SAVE THEM. Every time you gamble they can't see you so they get scared and start moving to find you. This causes them to sink faster.
Going to gamble is akin to you just standing there and Praying that they will be helped. When instead you need to be TAKING ACTION to rescue them yourself. Like making a rope to throw to them or finding a branch that you can extend to them so YOU can PULL THEM OUT to safety.
Going to school and building your business will take time like making a rope, but when it's done, it will be REAL and DEPENDABLE.
With those tools you will always be able generate money on your own. You won't need LUCK or to gamble in order to provide for them.
A Hope and Wish are both Goals with NO ACTION behind them. This because those who Hope or Wish for something feel that THEY themselves have NO POWER to attain their Goal.
Gambling is not much different.
Do keep your Wife and Partner informed of what you're THINKING and FEELING. Let them help you find the TRUE ROOT CAUSE of why you are gambling "again" at this time in your life.
You know that I was an Artillery Marine out of Hawaii back in the day. Believe it or not, you can actually draw on some of your Military experiences to help you with this. Think back to how you dealt with stress and NEW things. Then pull the positives out and apply them.
Unfortunately I had to kinda rush this as I'm in the middle of something right now. I will "ponder" on your situation though. If anything comes to mind that may be of use/help to you I'll post again later.
Semper Fi
Dude, we all have vices. You have conquered the first step, which is understanding that you have a problem. After that you will start to realize how silly gambling is.
PS - Hit me up. I need some people in my fantasy baseball league.
PS - Hit me up. I need some people in my fantasy baseball league.
First off do not be embarrassed. If you didn't man up and be honest I could understand the embarrassment. Your story is very familiar to me. I have been in your shoes. The one difference being I didn't let my wife help me, when she found out. She is now my ex wife. I was (maybe still am?) deceitful with those closest to me. I had stopped gambling for like 6 months b4 she even found out. I also had 100% control of the money and information about the money. She offered to take it over and get us out of that hole. I half way let her take over, while still ultimately keeping control (and she didn't know it) over most of the finances. I got away with it by hiding it in the business which I "had to" keep control of. So I basically skimmed off the biz and lied about sales, giving her the little that was left.
This was a terrible terrible way to live. I lost everything because of my behavior,and I deserved it. And when push came to shove I let ,y pride get in the way. Please don't make the same mistakes I made. Your family is worth fighting for. If you can't get yourself under control for your family you're fucked. It took me years to make peace with myself over this whole mess. It was my fault and I deserved it. But you know what my family didn't and neither does your's deserve it.
Do the right thing, be completely honest, amd truly let her help you. I promise you only get 1 maybe 2 chances and she won't put up with your shit anymore. Good luck bro
Tldr; cliff notes:
Way to much information
I'm a gambling addict... only it took me years and years of blowing serious $ to admit I had a problem. The fact that you're addressing this so early, before the problem has gotten unmanageable, means that you can put an end to this shit before you lose your family! I recommend you go to a GA meeting, even just once so you can get some reading material. Whatever you do, take this issue extremely seriously... I went from the happiest most successful kid around to suicidal in 5 years, and getting my life back in order has been the biggest challenge of my life. Had I dealt with my gambling addiction early on, it would have been a heck of a lot easier!
It's unfortunate, but I'm glad you can relate. It's nice just to be able to talk to someone who's been there. One of the methods I used was nearly identical to skimming off the top, and then shortchanging the amount come payday.
We had a vegas trip planned with family friends. We told them we weren't going due to this issue. We were honest, and that was embarrassing. I guess you can self-exclude yourself from casinos, so I suppose that's a step forward. I'll contact the VA and see if they have anyone worth talking to. And since the most recent incident (last weekend) my wife had control of the finances. She gave me a small slack of rope today to take care of an errand, and I totally behaved like a degenerate and went back.
Said partner and friend laughed it off last week. This week, it may have ended our working relationship.
I can really appreciate some of the "transcend reality" recommendations, because I took a similar path with mushrooms a while ago, strictly for therapy and not for recreation. It certainly helped, but for a separate issue. I don't know if that's the path I want to take again, but I definitely could use a hard reset.
Thanks for the insight though. Wish I could pull a "you got trolled" right now, but that's not the case. And I'm delighted by the quantity of non-troll comments that followed the OP.
Rage, the enterprise level client didn't work out. I'll spare the details, but I definitely did try to sell a position on it, and it looks like that'll be a future opportunity at best.
Edit: Don't turn to drugs. You really want to learn the truth, and if you're willing to try anything, crack open your bible.
Joshua 1:5
No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life; as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you.
It's his promise, and he hasn't let me down since. I've been through tribulation (addiction), and when you're wife isn't there or you children, he will be. You have a wonderful wife, her character is impeccable and the love that she is showing you is what God calls grace. Love that is undeserving, because you aren't treating her or your children right but they still LOVE you.
Give him a chance.
Don't start fucking around with drugs. That is really going to make the vs much worse. Are you excersising at all? If not go get a membership at the Y or wherever you want. If you need a hard reset this will do it. Then whe you're starting to feel like a degenerate, make yourself go workout for a half hour. You're an addict so it won't take you long to get addicted to worki g out. It will also do a ton for the emotional baggage your carting around. Much more than any pill a Dr will give you
Edit: Don't turn to drugs. You really want to learn the truth, and if you're willing to try anything, crack open your bible.
Joshua 1:5
No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life; as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you.
It's his promise, and he hasn't let me down since. I've been through tribulation (addiction), and when you're wife isn't there or you children, he will be. You have a wonderful wife, her character is impeccable and the love that she is showing you is what God calls grace. Love that is undeserving, because you aren't treating her or your children right but they still LOVE you.
Give him a chance.
I really, really appreciate your words of encouragement. I'm being very serious.
But no.
"The difference between a rich man and a poor man: A rich man plans for 4 years, while a poor man plans for the weekend."
Serious question. How far ahead did you think when making this post? The community and board may forgive and forget, see you grow as an individual in these hard times, but the internet will never forget. I would start contacting and bribing as many admins/mods as possible to move this to a section that's not indexable by the search engines. You don't want to see this creep up 5 or 10 years from now.
Regarding your addiction, it's worth noting, the final battlefield and really the ultimate battlefield is your mind. The thought and actions that go on in there are really your enemy. "The biggest enemy is staring at me in the mirror."
Stress is an internal gauge that only goes off, when you are doing something you don't want to do. One person can be busy running around with a business, barely meeting payrolls, getting yelled at by clients, and could be having the time of his life. Another person in the exact situation could be on the verge of complete mental decimation.
If you're stressed, you're doing something you don't want to do, simple. Stop doing it. Your gambling is a result of the stress you feel. Solving the gambling problem is like taking a pain pill when you're injured, just solves the pain problem, but your still injured. So something else is going to take it's place. Figure out what you don't like about your life and change it.
It's not going to be easy nor a walk in the park, and most people in life don't even know they have a stress problem until it manifests into a physical alignment or negative behavior.
Being an entrepreneur is a gamble upon itself. I recall when I was a 10 or 11, I decided I wanted to be a business man, not really because of the wealth or money, but more for the ability to create and watch something I put my time and effort in change lives or become successful. One thing I knew even at the early age was there was absolutely no way I would be able to have a traditional family life like 99% of the world, and I was more than okay with that.
Still un-married, no kids, grinding away everyday, in fact I've been in my condo for 2 weeks straight without leaving, not taking phone calls, not going to the office, nor answering emails from employees since I'm in the mist of launching 2 products at the same time. I'm taking a new step in my journey in life that'll hopefully give me more freedom and loving every moment of it. Sink all the money I can into the projects just because I can. If I had a family, there would be absolutely no way I could even think of doing that.
Not saying you can't have a family, kids and a successful business, but that toll is a lot already on them. One of my biz partners got a divorce 2 years into the business cause he wasn't spending enough time at home with his wife and kids. Learn from people around you, no need to make the same mistakes they are. I can't pinpoint what your individual problem is, but it sounds like it stems from not being able to fully provide for your family. And if you are able to with your business, then it's the business you are in is not fulfilling you. You need to figure out what the underlying problem is NOW, cause if and when your business really takes off, you'll have Clients AND Family pulling at you from both sides, and it will NOT MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE! The wife will start complaining, you're never home or the kids will start acting out once the cash start flooding in. Figure out the problem, solve it. Usually stress is a balance problem, figure out what you'd doing that you don't like or what your not doing that you would like to be doing.
Also serious question, bro, are you having enough sex? with child proof protection? I know you already got 4 kids, so I assume you don't want more. Are you banging your wife enough? Sex is a great stress reliever, just stating scientific facts, but if your one of those "no condom" people, oh lord, you're in the ultimate catch-22, not wanting more kids but wanting sex, but can't use condoms or whatever, that's a hell of a scenario, especially when your job/business is already stressing you out.
I don't know, I'm just some guy trying to create my dreams, this road isn't for everyone...
Serious question. How far ahead did you think when making this post? The community and board may forgive and forget, see you grow as an individual in these hard times, but the internet will never forget. I would start contacting and bribing as many admins/mods as possible to move this to a section that's not indexable by the search engines. You don't want to see this creep up 5 or 10 years from now.
Regarding your addiction, it's worth noting, the final battlefield and really the ultimate battlefield is your mind. The thought and actions that go on in there are really your enemy. "The biggest enemy is staring at me in the mirror."
Stress is an internal gauge that only goes off, when you are doing something you don't want to do. One person can be busy running around with a business, barely meeting payrolls, getting yelled at by clients, and could be having the time of his life. Another person in the exact situation could be on the verge of complete mental decimation.
If you're stressed, you're doing something you don't want to do, simple. Stop doing it. Your gambling is a result of the stress you feel. Solving the gambling problem is like taking a pain pill when you're injured, just solves the pain problem, but your still injured. So something else is going to take it's place. Figure out what you don't like about your life and change it.
It's not going to be easy nor a walk in the park, and most people in life don't even know they have a stress problem until it manifests into a physical alignment or negative behavior.
Being an entrepreneur is a gamble upon itself. I recall when I was a 10 or 11, I decided I wanted to be a business man, not really because of the wealth or money, but more for the ability to create and watch something I put my time and effort in change lives or become successful. One thing I knew even at the early age was there was absolutely no way I would be able to have a traditional family life like 99% of the world, and I was more than okay with that.
Still un-married, no kids, grinding away everyday, in fact I've been in my condo for 2 weeks straight without leaving, not taking phone calls, not going to the office, nor answering emails from employees since I'm in the mist of launching 2 products at the same time. I'm taking a new step in my journey in life that'll hopefully give me more freedom and loving every moment of it. Sink all the money I can into the projects just because I can. If I had a family, there would be absolutely no way I could even think of doing that.
Not saying you can't have a family, kids and a successful business, but that toll is a lot already on them. One of my biz partners got a divorce 2 years into the business cause he wasn't spending enough time at home with his wife and kids. Learn from people around you, no need to make the same mistakes they are. I can't pinpoint what your individual problem is, but it sounds like it stems from not being able to fully provide for your family. And if you are able to with your business, then it's the business you are in is not fulfilling you. You need to figure out what the underlying problem is NOW, cause if and when your business really takes off, you'll have Clients AND Family pulling at you from both sides, and it will NOT MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE! The wife will start complaining, you're never home or the kids will start acting out once the cash start flooding in. Figure out the problem, solve it. Usually stress is a balance problem, figure out what you'd doing that you don't like or what your not doing that you would like to be doing.
Also serious question, bro, are you having enough sex? with child proof protection? I know you already got 4 kids, so I assume you don't want more. Are you banging your wife enough? Sex is a great stress reliever, just stating scientific facts, but if your one of those "no condom" people, oh lord, you're in the ultimate catch-22, not wanting more kids but wanting sex, but can't use condoms or whatever, that's a hell of a scenario, especially when your job/business is already stressing you out.
I don't know, I'm just some guy trying to create my dreams, this road isn't for everyone...
You have to find the underlying issue here... is everything okay with your wife? Kids? Family? Are you happy at your job? Do you like your new life in AZ? Do you have a good social circle? Answering all these questions will help you pinpoint the problem...
I know that there is a much higher chance I'll hit the casino hardcore if I just got in a big fight with my girlfriend or if I lost major revenue or anything like that. If everything in your life is cool, gambling can't become a problem... IMHO.
I know that there is a much higher chance I'll hit the casino hardcore if I just got in a big fight with my girlfriend or if I lost major revenue or anything like that. If everything in your life is cool, gambling can't become a problem... IMHO.
Thanks for the advice. I won't respond to it all because I'm sure your questions were rhetorical. But I'd believe it if someone said that you get paid to provide quality advice around here.
Throw your task list in the garbage. It's never going to get completely done, and it's become a tool for negative reinforcement.
Pick one thing to do the next day, and choose it the night before. One thing you will do your damnedest to get done. Not 2, not 5. ONE THING.
As far as the gambling, you're too poor to do that shit. Seriously dude.
Pick one thing to do the next day, and choose it the night before. One thing you will do your damnedest to get done. Not 2, not 5. ONE THING.
As far as the gambling, you're too poor to do that shit. Seriously dude.
Seriously. You have a link going to your real identity and business. When I saw that my first thought was, "Would I do business with a man who admits he has a gambling problem?". My immediate thought was, "no". I don't expect you would do this, but if you absconded with company money, it's not like anyone should be surprised.
I know confessing has a healing aspect to it, but some things should be kept to a small group of people that can really help.
Confessing is a tool that addicts use to make it appear that they are "on the wagon" and making changes. Sort of making a big show so everyone knows that you're serious.
Get professional help to identify your triggers and do your best to sever the connection between this post and your real life. Cold turkey is the only way to quit.
I'm not sure if I understand the mentality of trying to acquire money through gambling.
Do you know anyone who has ever made a significant amount of money gambling and didn't lose it all again with gambling? Have you ever heard of any stories of anyone doing so? Basically, what gives you the idea that you can become a financial success through gambling? A movie you watched? That's what I've always wondered about "gambling addicts". Where do they get the idea that they will come out ahead? I understand there's some professional poker players who appear to maintain success, so that particular game may be an exception if you work hard enough to acquire the right skills to come out ahead. But the whole business model of the multi-billion dollar industry of casinos only works because YOU LOSE more than you win.
The only "success stories" I've ever heard about gambling is "I lost my house, I lost my family, then I blew my head off with a revolver"
Study Steve Wynn and he'll show you how to make money from gambling
Do you know anyone who has ever made a significant amount of money gambling and didn't lose it all again with gambling? Have you ever heard of any stories of anyone doing so? Basically, what gives you the idea that you can become a financial success through gambling? A movie you watched? That's what I've always wondered about "gambling addicts". Where do they get the idea that they will come out ahead? I understand there's some professional poker players who appear to maintain success, so that particular game may be an exception if you work hard enough to acquire the right skills to come out ahead. But the whole business model of the multi-billion dollar industry of casinos only works because YOU LOSE more than you win.
The only "success stories" I've ever heard about gambling is "I lost my house, I lost my family, then I blew my head off with a revolver"
Study Steve Wynn and he'll show you how to make money from gambling
check me out. $6G? realize, if we're not all being trolled, that this ain't shit and the party can get much worse...
old college buddy of mine stole almost 2 millie and gambled it away...
search [prudential stolen gambling] on goog
he had a wife (who was pregs) and 4 y.o twins... just got out a few months ago
get help homie. and be consistent about it
old college buddy of mine stole almost 2 millie and gambled it away...
search [prudential stolen gambling] on goog
he had a wife (who was pregs) and 4 y.o twins... just got out a few months ago
get help homie. and be consistent about it