Your Best Joke for the Comedy Impaired

BabyGotBacklink

BabyGotBacklink

Google Tryna Find Me
Apr 22, 2013
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On the Run
Was reading about OP's momma on another thread and got comedy anxiety. There are social situations where you want to be able to tell a good joke and I really, really suck. Maybe a variant of stage fright but when I'm done with my nervous, stuttered, poorly timed delivery I get that "Awwww" look and pity laughs. There are some funny bastards on this forum so thought it would be entertaining and enlightening to ask: what's your best go-to joke? Who s WF's king of comedy? Who, like me, gets booed off the stage in a hailstorm of beer bottles and racial slurs?


Sweetening the pie...

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This ought to make everyone literally rofl:
"How do you make a gay fuck a women?"

"You shit in her cunt."
 
My old standby:

What's worse than french-kissing your grandma?
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Licking the sweat off her back while you fuck her doggy style.

DOH!
 
galacon said:
My old standby:

What's worse than french-kissing your grandma?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Licking the sweat off her back while you fuck her doggy style.

DOH!
Click to expand...

How is it that I'm not making morning after pancakes for you yet?

Great material guys, these are going to kill in the boardroom!
 
Here's some dark humor.

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of 50 dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage


A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide

The librarian said: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."



What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
 
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim, and shoots herself in the left knee.
 
Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

--

Here is a pickup line that is perfect for almost any occasion:
"Is your dad in prison? Cuz if I was your dad, I'd be in prison."

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What's red, 10 inches long, and makes your girlfriend cry when you try to put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage

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What does your first car and anal sex have in common?

You don't want it but your dad gives it to you anyway.

--

/r/
 
ShadowCaster said:
"So I was eating this chick's pussy and I taste horse semen. I look up and say "Oh Gradma, THAT'S how you died!""
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LOL, there you go, BGB. that's your new go-to joke. guaranteed to get you through any nervousness or hesitation. and being so short, nobody can fault you for poor timing. perfect for your next dinner party!
 
Izaya said:
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Click to expand...


I read that as unicorn babies and spent 5 min trying to figure it out. Now that's funny.
 
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