Alright, be honest. Who's legitimately happy?

tangy

tangy

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Dec 1, 2008
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vancouver, yo
Gotta be square with you, bros... I'm not happy and haven't been for a long ass time. I have no idea if it's my workload, my deteriorating social/dating life or what but things just seem to be shit all of the time.

I love being an entrepreneur and the fast pace and challenges that come with it, and I love being a student at university learning incredibly interesting new things every single day. Someone pointed out to me the other day that I should feel awesome for helping >15+ people pay their bills and feed themselves, their kids, etc. each month and hey, that does feel nice.

I'm not sure I like the incredible amounts of stress, the lack of sleep every night, the never taking a day off... maybe that's the problem. I know for sure that I absolutely despise the city I'm living in and (generally speaking) the people that live here, so much so that I have a countdown app on my phone which I use to remind myself that the end is just 20ish months away. No shit, the second I finish my last exam I'm going to drive away from this place and never, ever return.

If you're reading this - are you happy? Better yet, if you are happy... when did you get there? Was there some BHAG (big hairy audacious goal) that you hit that flipped the "ON" switch, or did you have some life changing event like marriage / kids that finally got things going?

Fill me in. I've tried talking to head shrinkers and stuff but they put me into rage mode so fast that I actually wonder how I haven't ended up going on a rampage and smashing their office into smithereens.
 


For me, happiness is the absence of desire.

When I don't want anything, that's when I'm happiest.

So, I can either try to get everything in the world, so that I don't want anything because I already have it all...

...or I can work on reeling in my desires in order to live a more balanced life.

I wouldn't say that I'm happy, but I'm probably the least un-happy I've been in a long time.

For me, accomplishments have never resulted in happiness, no matter how large, it's something else.
 
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1. Start working out and building muscle and lose some weight
2. Sleep for at least 7 hours per day AT night, every night
3. Meditate (pranayama or mindfulness)
4. Eat good, nutritious and wholesome food. If you can, go vegan or minimize the amount of meat products you take. I'd especially recommend a high carb, raw vegan diet with b12 and general male supplements.

I guarantee you that if you do those 4 things you'll be happier than you are right now and more confident. People act like this shit is hard and mysterious but it really isn't. Take care of your body and it'll reward you 100 fold.
 
take a trip to a third world country to get some perspective

when i go to these places, I see what kind of things people are forced to do just to put food on the table and it makes me feel like I should appreciate my situation a lot more
 
Engineer said:
I see what kind of things people are forced to do just to put food on the table and it makes me feel like I should appreciate my situation a lot more
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stuff like this?

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I agree, it's horrible.
 
Ice, I wonder if cloakfish is any good with the 10 instances I'm running, blasting at 4.5 million blogs with a > 60% post rate.
 
I'm extremely happy with my personal life and professional life. I have a great family and love what I do for a living. I have a 11 year old son and a 5 month old that give me the drive and motivation to be successful everyday. It took years for me to be completely happy and I'm thankful for everything I have and take nothing for granted.
 
Is CloakFish still around? Used it for a while, but then it just didn't work most of the time.
 
I am legitimately happy with everything but I can honestly say AAO will be my last business I'll be actively involved in. I may get into the silent angel investor side of things in a few years but I'm pretty done with the stress and pretty much everything you mentioned above involved in starting new projects. Its always fun starting a new business but after 5 in only 9 years the vanity has worn off.
 
Maybe you are too focused on getting out of your situation rather than finding value in it.

Sometimes success breads disillusionment. Pick an employee or someone else and mentor them in the areas in which you have found success. Some people really find value in giving back and watching someone that has the potential but simply cannot make it over their hurdles to succeed.

If helping others is not your gig then maybe start the process of tackling some monumental hurdle you can see yourself handling after you are out of school. Some people wait until school is finished when in fact they can begin at any time. You are in medicine or something like that, maybe dive into research or whatever specific thing you would dream of doing within that field.

In other words - challenge yourself and move beyond where you are. Maybe move one of your employees up to handle your current business, take the cut in pay, and start something new, exciting, and challenging.

If that is not your problem then maybe seek more meaningful relationships with those around you. Stop being so Alpha and actually give a shit. It might be rewarding.
 
IceToEskimos said:
...or I can work on reeling in my desires in order to live a more balanced life.
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Aside from pushing hard to wipe my student and other debts so that I have a clean slate when I walk away with my degree (my other desire, finishing this) I don't desire... anything. That's it - conquering debts, getting degree and moving are my only desires. Not really sure how I should approach this or maybe I need to build some more short-term goals.

pewep said:
1. Start working out and building muscle and lose some weight
2. Sleep for at least 7 hours per day AT night, every night
3. Meditate (pranayama or mindfulness)
4. Eat good, nutritious and wholesome food. If you can, go vegan or minimize the amount of meat products you take. I'd especially recommend a high carb, raw vegan diet with b12 and general male supplements.
Click to expand...

I'm not going to shit on you like most people here so thanks for contributing. Before two serious back injuries last year I was working out lifting hard on a daily basis, but although it was therapeutic it was making those times when I did snap very, very hard to control. Not to mention when you go on a rampage and you're in training mode, a lot more things tend to get damaged. #2 just isn't possible every night, #3 I've tried and tried and tried but can't get into and #4: no problem. I am not going vegan, but I eat very healthily and I supplement properly. (I'm in pharmacy, I got this).

Engineer said:
take a trip to a third world country to get some perspective
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I think traveling is one thing that I do miss a lot. I've been to a whole bunch of countries, and largely I've traveled alone. I've tended to enjoy the trips and adventures, but they were general "young people" shit like banging foreign broads, exploring everywhere, partying, etc. Now that I'm in my 30s I just can't see myself doing the same shit I did a decade ago if I went on the road, and I can't leave for 9 months anyway. I'm with you though man... it's great for perspective.

Deliguy said:
I am legitimately happy with everything but I can honestly say AAO will be my last business I'll be actively involved in. I may get into the silent angel investor side of things in a few years but I'm pretty done with the stress and pretty much everything you mentioned above involved in starting new projects. Its always fun starting a new business but after 5 in only 9 years the vanity has worn off.
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I love being in business but I can't help but think that the additional stress it's putting me under is exacerbating things. The flip side of the coin is just working while at school... but then what? Being someone's slave for $12 an hour? Hells no. I haven't worked a real "job" in years. So yeah, sticking it out with this business is the better option. I have mad respect for you man, and have since I first met you. You continually reinvent yourself, which is one of my core values and something that I adhere to. Maybe that's our problem... too much reinvention??
 
I tried talking to a mentor (someone that I really trust) about this stuff and he told me something that I had never heard before... that I'm suffering as the result of being part of a dying breed.

I was like "what?" and he basically went through what he knew about me, and showed me that people like me are being stomped out by society. No one to defend, no enemies to defeat, no quests to achieve, no way to productively use my unending rage... no glory to find, and no one with any honor anymore.

I have no clue what that has to do with this discussion, but it stuck with me. Reminded me of a quote from Sin City: "Hell’s waking up every goddamn day and not even knowing why you’re here."
 
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I am mostly, when I tend to be unhappy is when I'm noticing I'm not doing any effort to become better (try something new online for example). When I'm basically not pushing myself and just watching TV all day instead of doing IM.
 
REIMktg said:
If helping others is not your gig then maybe start the process of tackling some monumental hurdle you can see yourself handling after you are out of school.
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Helping others is very much my gig. You're correct that I'm in a health care discipline, and on the board of directors of two large community-based nonprofits here because one of the productive things that does make me feel good is contributing in this way.

I didn't see your reply as I was writing my post above this, but maybe you're right. I've always had these enormous goals that I've worked to accomplish at all costs... I went from losing a ton of weight, to qualifying for the Boston Marathon, to finally grinding out my upgrades and getting into university... and now I'm here. Perhaps I just need to suffer through these last two years until I can turn my focus to something else, whatever that is.

Nice wisdom, thanks for sharing.
 
You kind of gave it away OP, I too remember what it was like living day by day in a place where I didn't want to be. I was fucking miserable and if it wasn't for working out and getting shitfaced on the weekends, well I'm sure some can relate. Now that I am with my family I couldn't be happier. Surround yourself with the people you love and have your back no matter what. Friends and family are forever.
 
Being happy is very, very simple. You're just happy. It's actually our natural state of being.

The hard part is giving yourself permission to be happy. We're conditioned to think in terms of "I'll be happy when I have/do/am XYZ". This is self-deception. Happiness isn't something that comes from an external source, and it certainly isn't conditional.

If you've never read it, I really recommend reading Man's Search For Meaning by Victor Frankl. It's by a Jewish psychiatrist who ended up in a Nazi Concentration camp, and the effect it had on his views of happiness:

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/0671023373]Man's Search For Meaning: Viktor E. Frankl: 9780671023379: Amazon.com: Books[/ame]

I also recommend investigating mindfulness practice, either as meditation or otherwise. The discipline of being mindful (when I manage to apply it) has had a more positive effect on my mental well-being than anything else in my life.
 
Your going to have a hard time being "happy" all the time, but it is very possible to be content and at peace with who you are (most of the time).

If you think once you get a certain amount of money, women blah blah blah then you will be happy your mistaken and this is the lie of society, there is a difference between happiness and temporary gratification.

Happiness is not a result of certain conditions, certain conditions are a result of happiness. If you get this out of order your running down the rabbit hole.
 
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