Alright, be honest. Who's legitimately happy?

[Kiopa_Matt]

Not really sure how I should approach this or maybe I need to build some more short-term goals.

This is actually one of the (many) reasons I've chosen not to live in Canada. As I've always said, each place has its pros and cons, and this is one of them. Out in Canada, the majority of people aren't capable of being content with themselves, and this is especially true if you live in places like downtown Vancouver or Calgary.

Everyone always has to be improving & bettering themselves, planning for the future, moving forward, building something, etc. They don't particularly know where they're going or why, but they're going! And since everyone is doing this, you naturally do too. Then it creates this environment where people can never relax, and say to themselves, "yeah, I'm good now", and actually be content with themselves on a day-to-day basis.

 

[jhoffy22]

In this moment, no. My girlfriends dad just asked her if we were just really good friends and we have been dating over 3 and a half years. Wtf

Edit: So I was going to make a 7 and 7 upon hearing this, but I don't have any 7 UP. So I'm settling for 7 and Orange Juice.

 

[pinchyfingers]

Acceptance. Practice leading a principle based life. Instead of basing life on outside circumstances that you will always be chasing or juggling, base life on unchanging principles.

Seek right understanding of reality. Realize that everything you do is meaningless.

 

[-joe-]

Being happy is very, very simple. You're just happy. It's actually our natural state of being.

The hard part is giving yourself permission to be happy. We're conditioned to think in terms of "I'll be happy when I have/do/am XYZ". This is self-deception. Happiness isn't something that comes from an external source, and it certainly isn't conditional.

If you've never read it, I really recommend reading Man's Search For Meaning by Victor Frankl. It's by a Jewish psychiatrist who ended up in a Nazi Concentration camp, and the effect it had on his views of happiness:

Man's Search For Meaning: Viktor E. Frankl: 9780671023379: Amazon.com: Books

I also recommend investigating mindfulness practice, either as meditation or otherwise. The discipline of being mindful (when I manage to apply it) has had a more positive effect on my mental well-being than anything else in my life.

Can't remember where I originally saw this, but credits to whoever it was:

 

[jhoffy22]

 

[Jameel]

Can't remember where I originally saw this, but credits to whoever it was:

I recognize that symbol on his chest from somewhere hm.

 

[crackp0t]

I tried talking to a mentor (someone that I really trust) about this stuff and he told me something that I had never heard before... that I'm suffering as the result of being part of a dying breed.

I was like "what?" and he basically went through what he knew about me, and showed me that people like me are being stomped out by society. No one to defend, no enemies to defeat, no quests to achieve, no way to productively use my unending rage... no glory to find, and no one with any honor anymore.

I have no clue what that has to do with this discussion, but it stuck with me. Reminded me of a quote from Sin City: "Hell’s waking up every goddamn day and not even knowing why you’re here."

I can completely relate to that and it's frustrating. I've been grinding on various things for over 10 years. I recently got to a point where I'm sick of it. I said fuck it, got a job, and literally shut everything down. In a couple months I'll be right back to doing my thing again. I consider this a working vacation. No stress, no emotions, no anything. I just code what I'm told to code and not give a fuck about anything else. It's actually kind of nice. The money sucks (a little over 70k a year) compared to what I use to make, but right now I'm happy to trade the money for some sanity. I don't have to work fucked up hours in the middle of the night, I get to see my wife and kids more, and I have more hair. For now it's a win, but when I'm ready to go back I'll fire up the mailer and start making real money again.

 

[tangy]

This is actually one of the (many) reasons I've chosen not to live in Canada. As I've always said, each place has its pros and cons, and this is one of them. Out in Canada, the majority of people aren't capable of being content with themselves, and this is especially true if you live in places like downtown Vancouver or Calgary.

Everyone always has to be improving & bettering themselves, planning for the future, moving forward, building something, etc. They don't particularly know where they're going or why, but they're going! And since everyone is doing this, you naturally do too. Then it creates this environment where people can never relax, and say to themselves, "yeah, I'm good now", and actually be content with themselves on a day-to-day basis.

I can appreciate this, but it seems almost like a blanket statement about any "productive" nation. If you're not going somewhere... what do you do to find meaning for your life? I mean there has to be some pursuit of something, doesn't there?

Interested to hear more on what you do to occupy your time...

 

[rish3]

Take a vacation somewhere that has a beach, and don't take a phone or laptop. Even if it's just 3 days. When you meet people, talk about something other than work.

Ask a hospice worker, almost nobody talks about work on their deathbed. They all talk about family, friends, and places they've been.

 

[tangy]

I can completely relate to that and it's frustrating. I've been grinding on various things for over 10 years. I recently got to a point where I'm sick of it. I said fuck it, got a job, and literally shut everything down. In a couple months I'll be right back to doing my thing again. I consider this a working vacation. No stress, no emotions, no anything. I just code what I'm told to code and not give a fuck about anything else. It's actually kind of nice. The money sucks (a little over 70k a year) compared to what I use to make, but right now I'm happy to trade the money for some sanity. I don't have to work fucked up hours in the middle of the night, I get to see my wife and kids more, and I have more hair. For now it's a win, but when I'm ready to go back I'll fire up the mailer and start making real money again.

You know, it's funny. The other day I tried to just hit STOP and analyze where I am to try to get this shit sorted out.

I have a business that I'm working insane hours on because I want (/need, otherwise being an independent pharmacist won't be easy. Capital intensive) to be debt-free when I graduate from school.

I'm in school because after a decade of searching to be sure, I realized that I do love health care as a career.

I want a career, because I want something a lot more stable than what I was doing before (entrepreneurship) as one day, I'd like to have a family and I don't want to subject children to the upbringing I had.

...but when I got to the end, I was left wondering when I started wanting any of this stuff. Family, career, business, volunteering, whatever.

I was a kid with nothing who made himself into a man with something, and now I'm a man with plenty that seems to want nothing.

The only constant in all of this an unending river of blinding rage that I've grown to control, and can embrace to help me push through to accomplishing whatever it is I'm trying to strive for.

Which apparently, at this point in life, is nothing.

Fuck.

 

[Jameel]

I wouldn't say I'm happy but I'm not depressed. Even with my renewed zest for life and all the books and productivity / to do lists I'm still left to ponder at the end of each day "what is the point of all of this". I start thinking about existence, technology, and then at some point ceasing to exist. If you just take one second and think about this not being here anymore. No first person point of view no thoughts no mind no problems no job no anything. Then I get to thinking about religion "man it must be nice to actually believe in something, anything" because whether it's true or not you still really believe in the end there is some purpose or paradise to go to.

Really kind of bums you out to have to wake up each day and come up with a meaningful reason for existence. I wake up each day and get a lot done now but I literally have no idea why I'm doing it or where I am supposed to be going.

Also with that in mind it makes things like mindfulness make much more sense.

Trying to enjoy this shit while it lasts.... I guess

 

[dreamache]

The answer is coffee..

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PH9uCs0als]Mike Ditka's Coffee Speech.mov - YouTube[/ame]

 

[MSTeacher]

You know, it's funny. The other day I tried to just hit STOP and analyze where I am to try to get this shit sorted out.

I have a business that I'm working insane hours on because I want (/need, otherwise being an independent pharmacist won't be easy. Capital intensive) to be debt-free when I graduate from school.

I'm in school because after a decade of searching to be sure, I realized that I do love health care as a career.

I want a career, because I want something a lot more stable than what I was doing before (entrepreneurship) as one day, I'd like to have a family and I don't want to subject children to the upbringing I had.

...but when I got to the end, I was left wondering when I started wanting any of this stuff. Family, career, business, volunteering, whatever.

I was a kid with nothing who made himself into a man with something, and now I'm a man with plenty that seems to want nothing.

The only constant in all of this an unending river of blinding rage that I've grown to control, and can embrace to help me push through to accomplishing whatever it is I'm trying to strive for.

Which apparently, at this point in life, is nothing.

Fuck.

Sounds like you need to spend a good chunk of time away from all of it and do something completely different for enough time to regain a more objective perspective.

 

[Robert M Gouge]

Here's my take on it:

Happiness is not a destination. I think that truly understanding this makes it easier to feel happy, most of the time.

In my opinion, the truth is, happiness is a by-product of understanding and appreciating our journey.

No matter how much you acquire in life, no matter how many goals you achieve, or how many people you help, it's human nature that you'll always want more.

All of us have a certain idea of how we think our life should be.

We have these pictures in our minds of how great our life will be when we "achieve this" or "acquire that." The further away our actual life is from this perfect picture we are striving for, the easier it is for us to feel discontent and unhappiness.

But the catch is, once we reach that perfect picture, and our life mirrors it, we're going to want something else, we're going to want something more. And, that perfect picture we just acquired changes and we start to pursue the new picture of our life.

This isn't to say that people are doomed to be discontent, but to say that humans, as a thinking species, live for variety and change. Those that understand that happiness is not a destination are more likely to find appreciation in their journey and find gratitude for things in their life that affect them in a positive way, while removing things from their life that don't.

You're already moving to change your location, which is great, but I'd look at your life now... find things that you're grateful for (and I mean really grateful. Things that invoke the emotion of actually appreciating the thing/person/place you're grateful for) and focus on them anytime you're feeling like shit.

Anytime I'm not feeling so hot, I'll sit and meditate for a bit and use this exercise of gratitude. Once I've been thinking about things in my life that make me legitimately feel grateful, things don't seem so bad and I always find the strength to stick things out.

Hope that helps,

Good luck bro.

 

[.Hack]

 

[Jameel]

Has anyone here done any psychedelic drugs? Has it helped at all with things in this thread? I have read a good bit of trip reports on Reddit, erowid and watched Youtube videos / documentaries on Mushrooms, LSD, MDMA, Ayachuasca. They always seem to come out it feeling clarity and bathed in love. I have no idea how I would get access to any of this stuff.

I feel so lonely on this little blue rock in space sometimes that I'd be almost willing to do anything to feel alive or find some purpose. I'd jump out of a plane or take a massive dose of any of these drugs. It seems rather grim if work;spend;sleep is all that is in store for most of us here on Earth. I get so pissed off that everyone is so caught up in their lives / self-worth and greediness but no one seems to have any actual clue of what the fuck WE ARE DOING HERE.


GOD DAMNIT

 

[Aarnivalkea]

 

[Jameel]

Anytime I'm not feeling so hot, I'll sit and meditate for a bit and use this exercise of gratitude. Once I've been thinking about things in my life that make me legitimately feel grateful, things don't seem so bad and I always find the strength to stick things out.

Hope that helps,

Good luck bro.

How long have you been practicing for overall?

 

[Robert M Gouge]

How long have you been practicing for overall?

That particular technique? A few years.

The trick is to actually feel the emotions of gratitude. Saying "I'm grateful for blah blah" doesn't really do shit. Words mean nothing. It's the emotion behind the gratitude that can help pull you out of a funk.

 

[Jameel]

That particular technique? A few years.

The trick is to actually feel the emotions of gratitude. Saying "I'm grateful for blah blah" doesn't really do shit. Words mean nothing. It's the emotion behind the gratitude that can help pull you out of a funk.

No, overall period from start to now in general.