Alright, need some real life advice.

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Phre0nBurn

Phre0nBurn

I <3 JAILBAIT!
Mar 20, 2007
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I know this is breaking the usual attitude of posts, but you guys have some good advice when its squeezed out...

I'll keep this real short.

My mom and grandma live together, and both of my younger brothers live there. Mom and grandma are both disabled, and aren't very active or mobile.

Both brothers (ages 18 and 15) treat them like absolute shit.

Needless to say, me and my brothers don't get along. Last time I saw them it got physical, and they almost got killed. That was the last time I really went home to visit.

They will do things like steal the car, bring friends and drugs home, tell my mom and grandma to fuck off and call them pieces of shit, cut the phone cords, all kinds of shit.

I just called home for the holidays (from a blocked number), and while on the phone with my mom and grandma, they picked up the phone and started running their mouths. They do this all the time.

I could no joke sit here for a few hours telling you about all the shit they pull, and how badly they need a coma-inducing ass beating, and believe you me if I wouldn't face jail, I would dish it out.

What would you do?
My mom, as much as I love her, is so passive it'll be the end of her. She has that "guilty" complex, so she doesn't enforce anything. On top of that, there is nothing she can do aside from send them both back to jail, which as a mom, she can't bring herself to do.

So far the only solutions I can find to this are
a) Call the police. They will go out there, and not do much else. We have been down this block numerous times before.
b) Drive up there with a few of my close friends, and dish out some savage stress-relieving violence, undoubtedly landing ourselves in prison.
c) Write off my entire family for good.

Obviously, these options aren't very good. But what else can I do?

I can't change my mom. I've tried. My grandma hates the shit they do, but she is old and fragile, and they will start breaking her shit (literally, they do this) if she tries to yell at them, and of course, they don't obey.

I don't have the money to have them taken out for a "picnic" in the desert, so that isn't much of an option either.

Can I get some real advice please?


Thanks guys, and happy holidays.
 


Not sure if this is a real post -- but I have seen some friends in this position before and we chose the "ass-kick" option. It felt good, but not real effective long term, mostly made things worse.

The solution that worked out was moving the elders out of the house and into a new apartment without the punks knowing when and where. Eventually the landlord throws them out because they don't pay the rent, and they have to take care of their own shit.

You can probably find an inexpensive retirement type home or assisted living.

Good luck
 
give grandma a taser... and a bunch of extra batteries for it... have her shock the shit outa them when they act up...

plus, have them kick out the one that's over 18... he's old enough to live on his own...
 
The 18 year old is an adult. Tell him to move out. When he doesn't, call the police, he is trespassing.

The problem is that no matter what you do to get them out, they can always come back in and steal/break stuff when no one is home. Had the same issue with my brother. He finally got his shit together(some) but it got close to the move him out and lock the doors.

Could look into documenting senior / disabled abuse, and get them in trouble (or threaten them with trouble) using that...

Good luck!

BTW, the kicking the crap option leaves them open to have you in jail, as you said. Not an option...
 
Sneak in the house, put stolen guns and drugs in their rooms. Call in a tip.

That's a real fucked up position to be in because it's not like you have the money to just take your mom and grandma out of there and take care of them. I'm sorry bro. If your mom and grandma keep letting this shit happen, I guess just write them off for now at least. I'm sure your brothers will end up taking care of themselves and getting thrown back in the slammer.
 
If I had the money I would move them out. They own the house, and we all know how shitty the market is right now... But it just isn't an option at the moment.

Let this be a warning to all the new parents out there, don't spoil your kids, and be very stern when you need to be. The result of pampering children is this, the utter douchebags of modern society.

My mom and grandma are both relatively young, with my mom in her mid 40's, and grandma in her late 50's (I suck with dates... I think my mom is like 42, and my grandma is like 58), so a home isn't a good idea either.

Shit, if I had it my way I'd show up there with a truck and a police escort and grab their shit, have the kids removed, and move them down here. (They are 200 mi away)

But I just can't afford it right now, and they sure as hell can't on the money the live on (~$1500 /mo for the entire fam)

Ive thought about the police thing thoroughly, but it's tough because they have impeccable luck, which pisses me off even more. The younger brother is on probation, and has been for some time. Somehow he has had over a half a dozen run ins with the law, and still hasn't gotten in trouble. Obviously, the system there isn't very tough... Its a very small town in northern AZ.

Maybe I need to talk to a cop one on one, and see what they would do...

On top of all this, they are total dicks, and they do what they do well. They are very manipulative (towards mom and gma), and they threaten them with all sorts of things, from violence, to telling the police that they give them drugs (no, they don't. They both have strong prescriptions, and my brothers steal them. Tried using a safe, when my mom was out of town my brother broke into it and stole all the pills, but no Jewelry, then tried to say "someone broke in". Ugh). God I hate these fuckers.

Either way, thanks for letting me vent guys. :)
 
Kicking the 18 year old sounds pretty good to me too. The 15 year old probably would start behaving.

Does the 18 year old have somewhere to go that is obvious? Uncle, Father etc? Say it is time for him to get out. Things might get worse for a while so be prepared.

Maybe change locks when he is out and put his shit outside if the place accepting him knows what is happening.

I would be ready for him being an ass for a while. Breaking windows etc. You might be able to get the police to show up and watch him move out. Then he knows there is a police record of him being asked to leave too.

GL
 
waw phre I dunno you were in kinda shit like that. Tough situation eh?

I appreciate everybody suggestion to kick your 18yr o brother out but don't you think he will become a criminal in the end? I know this is not easy, I'm not in your shoes so I didn't experience it.

Your 15 yr o brother may be influenced by his 18yr o brother so if you teach his ass real hard now I think it's not really late to make him behave. Ever think put your 18 yr o brother into military so he can learn some discipline etc?

Sorry if you think I'm naive or what but I don't think you should just let go your brother. They will become complete mess in their entire life... Well... that's just my suggestion.

cheers mate :)
 
If you really wanna fuck 'em up I know a few people that could mess up their credit scores pretty bad and get massive debt on them, essentially forcing them to declare bankruptcy and have their wages garnished.

Then again, that wouldn't really solve anything at all.
 
Phre0nBurn, I don't know you but I've went through a situation that is somewhat similar. Without going into my personal details I will tell you this: you are in a bad position with little that you can do to improve it. The biggest problem is this:

Your grandmother and mother have been the major female influence on the lives of your brothers. Sending them to jail will be perceived as a failure to properly bring up young men to your mother/grandmother. Often times the "black sheep" of the family is the one most loved by the mother because they believe that the difficulty of the child reflects upon them poorly and is their fault. Send your brothers to jail and you become the enemy.

Some situations do not call for reactions. I know this may sound stupid, but coming from experience sometimes this is all that you can do:

Realize that every relationship is co-dependent. Your brothers being total assholes is present because your mother and grandmother accept it. They accept for whatever reason, but they still have a little of the blame on their shoulders. Any direct intervention on your part will fail. If you somehow get your brothers out of the house without sending them to jail your mother and grandmother will be lonely and will blame you for this also. Know this: if your mother and grandmother wanted your brothers out of the house it is only a phone call away for them.

What is the answer? As gay as it sounds it may just be love. Nothing confuses, bewilders, and isolates a wicked person more than unconditional love. As fucked up as they are make an attempt to actually understand what is going on in the lives of your brothers. Call them up to talk to them.

I have 3 brothers and we are all fucked up, but after hating each other through our adolescent phases we've all realized that we come from the same genetics and environment and are stronger together than apart. My oldest brother is a hippie that lives in Yosemite National Park, my youngest brother is a gay model(wait.. a model who happens to be gay) from NY, and I consider myself a sophisticated hick from PA. Noting all of our external differences, no one on planet earth understands me better than my bros.

You can't legally kick them out of someone else's house. If you followed above instructions is it not true that your mother and grandmother would welcome the 18yo back into the house after a small amount of time?

To wrap up.. sorry that your in a bad situation. However try to make the best of this and know that it is not your yoke to bear. Be the bigger man and try to bring as much light into this situation as you can.
 
that's some fucked up shit ur in. i like dubber's advice and i like ur idea of talking to a cop one on one to see what can really be done. different approaches but one of them should work. keep us updated. always gotta look out for mom.
 
dubber609 -
.................................You pretty much just put into words exactly what I've been thinking for the past year.
wow.

That is, to a T, what is going on. They feel bad, they feel guilty, and my mom being disabled and all that shit doesn't help, she feels like it is her fault (well, it is), and thus she puts up with it.

I just wish she would grow some balls and realize that this can't go on forever.

As for talking to them, I couldn't do it even if I wanted to. They literally have the minds of 10 year olds. Like, really. Like, no joke really. lol
They are beyond the point where they can even be talked to, and they can't offer a single word in a serious conversation.

I would love to see the 18 year old out, but it won't happen. I moved back when I was 19 and all they did was bitch and moan about "Why is he back here, he is 19, he shouldn't be living at home, what a loser" and of course, as they hit 18-19, they are doing the same, but worse. I offered something, lol, I took care of everyone while I was there. They just sit around and drink and smoke weed all day.

God, those of you that can relate know how fucking frustrating this shit is... Like, when you can't do anything about a situation short of extreme violence to make you smile. lol

It's just soooo frustrating. I could give 2 shits about them these days, I stopped trying to change things a long time ago. But when I call home to say hi for the holidays (because I can't be there, because of them), and then they (and a few friends, who happen to be in the military, yet still this immature), pick up the phone and start yelling and just being so infantile-like it isn't funny.

Honestly, my stomach gets tight and I break a sweat. I could just F'n snap and start ripping these kids apart... I literally feel like a bitch by letting them get away with this stuff... And there is nothing I can do.

I just wish they would get arrested or something, lol. Damn.....
 
Hey man I could easily relate to this, I went through some trouble when I was a younger and here is what I could suggest:

If it is possible, act like you are trying to become friends with them again and "make-up". Spend some time with them and find out a time when you are sure they have alot of drugs on them. Call the police on them randomly and say you hear "they" are dealing. If they live in a small town, the police will likely pay alot of attention to it because they have nothing else to do and the crack down on drugs with teenagers these days, at least where I am from, is nuts. I have heard of alot of kids around where I live actually having the swat team come and raid their house because the police have nothing else to do. Since the one kid is 18, he will go to big jail and if they catch him with enough, if he was dealing or not they will charge him with intent to sell, maybe even trafficking. If they can convict him of felony trafficking, it would be at least a year even with the overcrowding in prison The 15 year old prolly wont get as much, but if your mother explains to the judge/pros. that he needs a wake-up call he could get sent to a kiddie prison and would have to live there until he is 18.

Since you said the police have been called before, it will act in your favor and get them more time, meaning more peace for your mother and grandmother.

This situation kinda happended to me, however my family didn't have anything to do with it. I went to juvie for like 3 days and it turned me around and it is basically what got me started making money online, because I was on house arrest and didn't have shit else to do. I understand it would be hard to turn on your family memebers, but in the long run they will appreciate it.

Beating their ass would be easy, but big problems for you.

Hope this helps!
 
Phre0nBurn - just to interject a little bit of humanity.. I did once beat the crap out of one of my brothers.

Sorry man, sometimes I just get sick of people sitting behind a keyboard giving advice as if they are a superhero in some alternative universe that is existent only to them. As soon as I saw your post, I knew where you where at. Not because I'm smart or wise, but because I've been through it. My situation was this:
My older brother was 29 - yes 29 living with my grandmother. He stole her pills(percocet), bummed money for cigarettes, booze, and weed and pretty much abused her in any way that was not physical. I beat his ass over my frustration and scarred my relationship with my grandmother forever for reasons i've already explained. She died about 3 years ago, and we didn't have the relationship we once had, and it is a source of regret for me. I didn't get in any legal trouble, and in my experience you only run into minimal trouble if your attack is aggravated by the attacked, so "big problems" from justifiably kicking someone's ass is a myth.

No offense to the above poster, but family situations are much more complicated than getting picked up on a charge and serving time. You always expect society to turn on you but for family to turn on you is a completely different thing - exponentially more detrimental on your psyche than society turning on you. I know everyone is trying to help so I apologize for my hostility.

All I can say is that your frustration is proof that you care about your family. Once again I have no great solutions for your problem. Do your best to do what you can, and ride the storm. No good thing, or bad thing can last forever. Everything is transient, so just do the best you can right now. If you can't talk to your brothers than express your frustration as emotionless and logical as possible to your mother and grandmother. Past that, just try to be a source of light in a dark situation.
 
Fucking white people.

Just playing man, I just couldn't resist.

Sounds unfortunately like a severe lack of a father "authority" figure has made a big difference. Is your mom or grandma involved in a local church at all? They might be able to find support there, in the form of perhaps a pastor that can come by the house occasionally to try to keep the boys in line. Do your brothers have any aspirations? Any chance you can get the older one to enroll in a junior college or something - just to get him going towards something good in his life?

In the end, it really sounds like the bulk of the problems still lie in the fact that there isn't an authority figure available, and with both mom & grandma being physically unable to impose their will on their kids, it turns in to your own personal Lord of the Flies. It might take your appearance and dominance as the "elder male" to actually change anything.
 
I'd choose option A then C.

Yeah I could bring up the big fake ass talk here sitting behind a monitor and choose option B but what if you hurt yourself and fuck YOUR life up... is it worthed?
 
Phre0nBurn said:
My mom, as much as I love her, is so passive it'll be the end of her. She has that "guilty" complex, so she doesn't enforce anything. On top of that, there is nothing she can do aside from send them both back to jail, which as a mom, she can't bring herself to do.
Click to expand...

That removes most of your effective choices.

Every choice is a simple one. But, emotion complicates
things.

Two paths of advice:

1. Write the entire bunch off.

If you truly cannot do anything to resolve the situation
logically and effectively, remove yourself. Otherwise, it
will be a constant source of frustration. Cut off the
gangrenous arm to save the body.

2. Make more money. Move the women out.

Get a piece of paper. Write down everything that is
required to reach resolution (sell the house, apartment
rates, full-time care, etc.). Then, write down the women's
money sources (investments, social security, disability,
pension, etc.). Then, you do what is required to bring in
the money to make it happen.

Work more. Sell more. Work harder. Sell harder.

I realize that sounds trite. But, once emotion is
eliminated, answers are simple (not always easy or
enjoyable, but simple).

As I said, every choice is a simple one. But, emotion
complicates things.

************
A member of my family is going through the same ordeal
as your mother and grandmother. I made the decision to
write that person off. Doing so has made my life much
simpler and less frustrating and as a result, more enjoyable.

But, I'm not burdened with any notions that familial ties
are more valuable than others. People are people. Good,
bad, passive, or aggressive. Blood has never had any
inherent value to me (in fact, it amuses me that others
feel differently, but that's emotion for you).
 
You're American right? So do what every real patriot does when it comes to arguing with family! Sue them!
 
Is this some kind of fucking joke? These are fucking adult women we are taking about right? Let them deal with their own shit, or sit on their asses and take it.
 
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