ATTN: RARE BABY PICTURE OF ME CHECKIN' STATS AFTER A LONG DAY'S WORK

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Inspired thread! Full of guffaws and haws. Will be checking back hourly for updates!!

P.S. I BE LOL HYPMOTIZED!!!!

I think I just had a mini seizure
 


Smiling Dog Birthday Cake to the rescue.

Maybe it can save this thread.

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I laugh everytime I see this one.
 
Baby Tycoon leaned back in his creaking office chair. He tongued his gums where a new molar was emerging - already stained by cold coffee and nicotine.

He rubbed his aching eyes with spittle-flecked fingers.

With a grunt, he slammed his hand down on the intercom.

"Sheila - why the hell is my face all over the Internet? What the fuck is a paper clique?"

No response from Sheila.

Baby Tycoon remembered that he'd sent her out to pick him up a reuben half an hour ago.

"Goddamn it Sheila," he said to the quiet intercom.

He returned to his Macbook Pro, pristine save for the cookie mashed in the DVD tray. Baby Tycoon clicked posts, usernames, histories, to see why anyone would be posting his face.

After a few tense minutes, his frown of harried confusion vanished. As his eyes swept the screen, the look of a predator came over him.

Never one to miss an opportunity, he saw a surprise chance. His finely-tuned business mind saw a way that he could find a new revenue stream. Why be beholden to his brick and mortar empire, and his ever changing stocks?

He moved his cursor over the promising link.

"Hmmm," said Baby Tycoon, "make monies online?"

Fin
 
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Baby Tycoon leaned back in his creaking office chair. He tongued his gums where a new molar was emerging - already stained by cold coffee and nicotine.

He rubbed his aching eyes with spittle-flecked fingers.

With a grunt, he slammed his hand down on the intercom.

"Sheila - why the hell is my face all over the Internet? What the fuck is a paper clique?"

No response from Sheila.

Baby Tycoon remembered that he'd sent her out to pick him up a reuben half an hour ago.

"Goddamn it Sheila," he said to the quiet intercom.

He returned to his Macbook Pro, pristine save for the cookie mashed in the DVD tray. Baby Tycoon clicked posts, usernames, histories, to see why anyone would be posting his face.

After a few tense minutes, his frown of harried confusion vanished. As his eyes swept the screen, the look of a predator came over him.

Never one to miss an opportunity, he saw a surprise chance. His finely-tuned business mind saw a way that he could find a new revenue stream. Why be beholden to his brick and mortar empire, and his ever changing stocks?

He moved his cursor over the promising link.

"Hmmm," said Baby Tycoon, "make monies online?"

Fin
You have exquisitely recreated the picture in literary form. +rep
 
Baby Tycoon leaned back in his creaking office chair. He tongued his gums where a new molar was emerging - already stained by cold coffee and nicotine.

He rubbed his aching eyes with spittle-flecked fingers.

With a grunt, he slammed his hand down on the intercom.

"Sheila - why the hell is my face all over the Internet? What the fuck is a paper clique?"

No response from Sheila.

Baby Tycoon remembered that he'd sent her out to pick him up a reuben half an hour ago.

"Goddamn it Sheila," he said to the quiet intercom.

He returned to his Macbook Pro, pristine save for the cookie mashed in the DVD tray. Baby Tycoon clicked posts, usernames, histories, to see why anyone would be posting his face.

After a few tense minutes, his frown of harried confusion vanished. As his eyes swept the screen, the look of a predator came over him.

Never one to miss an opportunity, he saw a surprise chance. His finely-tuned business mind saw a way that he could find a new revenue stream. Why be beholden to his brick and mortar empire, and his ever changing stocks?

He moved his cursor over the promising link.

"Hmmm," said Baby Tycoon, "make monies online?"

Fin

Quality shit here :D
 
If ever there was a prize for outstanding copywriting - this would rank way up there.

I was on the edge of my seat. And not only that, you sealed the fucking deal with a Meat Spin reference.

SHEER GENIUS!

Pass Go - Collect $200.00
and pick up your Community Chest Card -
"Congratulations, You have just received +rep from Cryptix"


This thread has NOW DELIVERED
Thanks to birthday dog and this literary masterpiece.
 
me as a baby, just getting started

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Smoking and computing just don't mix. I used to do this years ago and got tired of the ashes getting into the mouse, on the mouse pad, in the keys. This guy looks like he one day just said "Fuck it". No bong though, which is needed for the win here.