I Created A "Whiteboard" Sales Video - Please Critique

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SeanMacnamara

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Sep 29, 2011
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I just launched a new clickbank product and have spent the last 6 weeks or so working on this whiteboard style sales video for it. I've been a Clickbank vendor in the past with some success but have always done the traditional, ugly long-form sales letters. I like to think I have my copywriting skills pretty dialed in but I'm not "artistic" at all, hence the critique needed for the whiteboarding part.


Anyway, for this I used a SAS product to do the whiteboarding and used a combo of clipart/images/text for the drawings. I know the whiteboard/explainer videos work really well because you want to see what the hand will draw next, all the while you are listening to the voiceover and being pre-sold before the "buy now" button pops up.

My question for all you marketing geniuses is, does this video do that? Do you want to keep watching? Are the drawings compelling? Of course, the product is not targeted to you all, it's more for your parents and grandparents who have an iPhone but don't know how to use it.

Check it out and give me some feedback, things I should change/test, etc.

Become An Expert With Your iPhone Fast | Touch Screen Genius
 


Too much drawing for me. I got tired watching that hand wiggling around.
Plus, you need some large slides with less text on each one. There is too much info that goes on and on continuously and it feels like a story that never ends.
You need to convey some graphical stops, new beginnings and diversify the look of it. The only creative part here is the drawing hand. Some simple animations like a text dropping, an Amazon river flowing in a fast speed, I don't know, get creative.
There is lot of room for improvement. I wouldn't launch it like this, it's not that engaging visually.
 
I always hated these types of landing pages, with no other information than a video... but then again, I'm not your target audience. I automatically hit the Back button when I see something like this.
 
Speed up the speed at which the drawings are drawn in dat video scribe.

Also, people don't buy based on drawings.

They buy based on words.

You have so much shit going on that it's difficult to focus on the message.


P.S

add titZ
 
I liked it

It seemed a little dizzying. But the message is good. Not sure how long it is (i closed it at the rocket scene). But I will admit it did have me wondering what I was missing out on (or didnt know about) so I think you are on the right track.
 
Forget what everyone says.

You're not selling to them.

Let the numbers talk. Test.

Test.

Test.
 
I wish someone had a service that let you do cost effective focus groups. With a revolving group of people. We are all marketers for the most part, something like this would get better feedback from the group it was intended to target.
 
The script is good, maybe a little long, but good. It kept me interested for quite a while, but after I got through the reasons to buy the course part and it kept going with no end in sight I had to close it out. A bit shorter on the length would help with that.

As someone else mentioned, there might be too much stuff on the individual slides. Some of them are filled with way too many text and image items for my taste. But then again you should always test it. Me not being a fan of that aspect of the video doesn't mean that your target audience won't be.

I think coca cola did an awesome job with their content marketing white board video as far as slide layout and text/image to white space goes.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LerdMmWjU_E]Coca-Cola Content 2020 Part One - YouTube[/ame]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiwIq-8GWA8]Coca-Cola Content 2020 Part Two - YouTube[/ame]

If I were you, I would make a version with either bigger slides and fewer items on each slide, or I would make the slides bigger and zoom to different areas like they do in parts of the coke videos above.

In any event, you're definitely on the right track as far as i'm concerned.

Test. Test. And test some more.
 
The drawnings quality is low. I'm talking about that second when you start to draw the outline of the objects/mascots and the color starts filling in.

You might want to work a little bit on the logo too, looks too plain for iPhone users. The page when you leave the site won't work well for iPhone users. This, this and this is WSO style. The font on that page is also not that well picked, you also need to space a little bit the paragraphs in a way that you can get the reader attention on important things.

Price $97 would be better instead of $47, maybe you will need to hype a little bit more the product or include some more features (not bonuses) but that will inspire quality and a strong product image for the iPhone user that reads your sales page. The $47 price probably fits well as I don't know what's your exact offer but I'm saying that $97 price tag reflects better quality image on your product/brand and if the goal is strong in the target then you will make better sales with $97.

You're overall doing good.
 
For me, I hate watching / listening because they are way way way to slow vs. reading it myself. But, for your audience I'd think about slowing down the audio/voice even more it's a bit fast for the older generation.
 
Serious question - is there a market for this?

It's a nice video, I can tell you've worked hard on it. But I mean, is this filling some overwhelming demand of people who have Iphone's but don't understand how to use them?

I showed my Grandma how to use hers. I had to teach my aunt how to drag windows around in Windows 7 but she picked up the Iphone with no problems. I've never really heard someone (even older people) saying the Iphone is too complicated.

I'm not saying there isn't a market. I'm asking if there is. Because if there's not a huge group of people out there thinking "I'd so pay $100 to learn how to use this thing" right now then the VSL isn't going to matter.

I'd get really clear on if there's a demand for it first. If there is start testing it. If there's not I'd drop it without thinking twice. You can't manufacture demand. That can be a frustrating lesson to learn if you're married to the project.
 
scottspfd82 said:
Serious question - is there a market for this?

It's a nice video, I can tell you've worked hard on it. But I mean, is this filling some overwhelming demand of people who have Iphone's but don't understand how to use them?
Click to expand...

OkYKgL9.jpg
 
I was wondering when in this thread someone was going to bring up scott's point.

He is hitting on the same thought I had.

The "learn your iphone" market seems too general.

You need to be showing people "how to be more productive with your iphone"

How to Use Your Iphone to Help You Lose Weight

Secrets to Using Your Iphone to Spy on Your Cheating Spouse..

I could go on.
 
I thought the vid was professional looking. I don't think your audience is going to notice the small details that some are pointing out. I think the frame needs to be bigger though.

What is the thought process of having a sales pitch that long? I know other cb products have 30+ minute sales pitches.
 
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