Don't talk yourself out of this, hazzan! There is something to repeating, "it's time for me to change and this is going to work out better than ever before". She might just be the real thing or a step towards the real thing, but you'll never know if you stay stuck in "enjoying screwing it up"!
The best to you and I hope it's a thread with......"how I did not screw it up-finally"!
You and Jon inspired me to write my first ebook "How to Talk to Crunchy Women when you have Crabs"...i'll let you know when it's finished. Unless of course you don't have crabs.