My first landing page, thoughts?

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Jun 15, 2009
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I was approved for A4D today - thanks to Arthur for expediting. Came home from work and the only thing on my mind was to crank out a landing page. So today I'm taking my first step in affiliate marketing and here's my first ever landing page... Linky
Could you guys check it out and give me some feedback?
Thanks!
 


ok so get rid of the yahoo ads. why entice people to click anywhere else except on your offer?

also you have links to GoArticles.com scattered around different posts.

allowing real comments is just asking for trouble, also
 
Yup, get rid of those ads for sure.

Also, reading your copy, it's very "formal".

To be more "real" add some spelling mistakes, a bit more slang, etc. Don't write like you're doing a college essay.

Also, make the links to the green tea offer more prominent, and add at least one of them above the fold.
 
2 potential issues - First, "My name is Ryan, my friends call me Waldy." - Waldy sounds too much like Waldo, and too out of place to me. #2, the whole marathon thing seems to almost infer that exercise was used to lose weight, and is what's seen first before the green tea mention. Maybe mention the marathon thing later on, and de-emphizise it?
 
Stick your aff link above the fold, in the middle, in the bottom, on the right hand side, on the top menu.

STICK THE MOTHER FUCKER EVERYWHERE.

Everytime you have your aff link, make it a call to action
 
Also, the while background runs out half way down the page and then I am stuck trying to read black text on a blue stripped back ground for half the post.
 
the guy looks like he was on a 6 month meth bindge in his after picture. Looked more healthy before the weight loss
 
lol you guys are hilarious. That guy is my buddy, I'll let him know he looks like a meth addict.

Some very good feedback here, I really appreciate you taking the time to write.
 
It looks like you've heeded much of the advice above, as I don't see any conflicting ads or background issues.

As for the after-pic, I would agree with others here that the first shirtless shot is not especially attractive or aspirational. I think aspirational is what you're after.

Also, there's a bit of a break in the story. Not that I scrutinized too heavily, but first the guy's mom hooked him up with the fabulous free trial offer. OK, so far so good. He should be able to get it on his own, right? But later, the guy had to go back to his mom to get more of it. Makes me wonder "was this guy always so incompetent? OR ... did the GREEN TEA cause brain damage and a profound regression into childhood patterns and neediness for mom's intervention?

Maybe change the story to "mom got him the trial and he went back begging for information on how to get more", or "mom gave him the information and he couldn't get back to the computer or phone or whatever fast enough to get more of this stuff."
 
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Too much text, to many links out, not enough big fat affiliate links everywhere. Also make text size larger, more images, and fake comments never hurt either.
 
the blended image on top is actually a great idea- problem is as others have said there isn't enough contrast.

Get the pic on the left as a real fatty- not just someone in average shape/hairy- get some fatass w/ a gut in there.

Then blend to the cut guy and it will look better (or grab a more muscular midsection off istock and use that).

Also don't downplay the importance of the product you're selling:


Green Tea helped me lose 60 pounds in 3 months.

I'd make this:
http://www.beerbellyblog.com/redirect.php
I Lost Over 60 Pounds in 3 Months All Thanks to GREEN TEA!
 
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