New reply to "what do you do"

i say i'm a freelance programmer because internet marketer sounds like some get rich quick MLM scheme
 


You program elevators.
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Very few people actually have enough brain power to "program elevators". The algorithms aren't as simple as you might think.

Back to the OP's question, I don't know what would be a line to use, but I do know the one line you should never ever use.

If you ever find yourself at secondary inspection at JFK's customs because you've been out of the country for months and yet have no luggage with you aside from a laptop case, and if the CBP officer doing the inspection happens to be a dumb-looking trash fat chick, and if she asks you what you do for a living, then never... I repeat never say "Oh, I sell diet pills to fat chicks."
 
I avoid the topic altogether, and 'run my own biz with computer and internet stuff' is usually the best fit for me to. Otherwise they get lost quick, and or they get inspired enough to pick my brain to no end.

Have had this convo many times with other marketers/media pros, most agree that dumbing it down is usually best. However in your case it sounds like you want to whore your services to whoever asks - so just ask them for their creds/line of work first. Or if they ask you just say 'I help business owners grow, in many many ways' - that will open you up to anything/everything.

EDIT: ^ Side note - My GF's brother actually does program/fix/work with elevators, makes good coin too.
 
"I Dee them housewives with them re-bill feez."

...blank stares and nods as they walk away soon follow.
 
" i make money online. "

i think people usually assume that means im into porn or something cause i never get the "how" response.
 
most of the time i just say "the internet".. most people won't pry further until thinking about it a bit.. and i know for sure porn runs through their mind as a possibility, it's what creates the hesitation lol
 
"I'm a geek."

Most just assume that means I am a programmer. End of conversation. Good.
 
When I used to work for Johnson & Johnson and did mobile marketing for them, I'd tell stupid chicks at bars that I'm the guy that puts the cotton ball inside the tylenol bottles. And to keep it interesting, I'd switch over to Motrin a day or two a week. One time when I was over in Europe, I told them there was a labor strike so they flew me over first class because they needed with someone of my level of skill and expertise and not just anyone could do my job. Some chicks are just plain retarded for believing me.
 
Say you're the backup running back for the Detroit Lions. No matter how unathletic you look they'll still probably believe you.
 
Go with Media Publisher. You really can spin that one a million different ways to suit your needs.

I used to tell people I build websites. Big fucking mistake. I never knew it, but every person on the planet needs a website built for this thing they're working on...and none of them have any money to spend. I stopped saying that after about a week.

Now I either say I own an Online Marketing Company, or I own a Search Engine Optimization company. Most people don't ask much beyond that.
 
I say "I'm a marketing guy."

People don't usually ask more than that, marketing folks like it because they are used to self-important fancy-title answers.

I've learned the hard way to stay away from giving people the idea that I know how to fix computers or build web sites. One way ticket to hell there.
 
I do internet stuff.

Stay away from saying "I build websites for money." You might as well paint a bullseye on your ass and bend over.
 
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