Stop Eating? Nah... Pump & Dump!

[JakeStratham]

For folks who can't seem to resist the siren song of that last piece of pizza or slice of cake, I bring good news...

You don't have to!

Now, you can literally have your cake and eat it too without harboring secret guilt or worrying about unnecessary calories. I give you the amazing AspireAssist Aspiration Therapy System!

How does this marvel of science work to rid man of the greatest known threat to his survival? It is simplicity itself.


Step 1: Eat a meal that would sate an elephant.

Step 2: Stick a tube in your belly, and suck out your stomach contents.

Step 3: Walk over to the toilet and get rid of the evidence.

Step 4: Flush and smile.

And what brilliant mind is behind this miracle of modern technology? Why Dean Kamen, of course.

... the man who introduced the world to this mechanical wonder...

* h/t Karen DeCoster

 

[crackp0t]

Wow an expensive way to be bulimic!

 

[thehobbster]

Wow an expensive way to be bulimic!

Keeps your teeth from rotting out, saves on dentist bill, positive ROI...

WIN!

 

[skank]

It's an expensive 2-finger diet lol

 

[Unarmed Gunman]

The same guy that revolutionized walking has revolutionized eating. Maybe next he'll invent a hammer that whacks you in the head to help you go to sleep.

 

[JoseArmando]

How will I sell green coffee bean pills now if all fatties will cut open their gut and not let them enter their colon to be properly absorbed in to the bloodstream? This kills the pill's effectiveness

 

[scottspfd82]

I guess Cavett Robert was literally right...

“Most people are walking around, umbilical cord in hand, looking for a new place to plug it in.”

 

[Vadym]

How will I sell green coffee bean pills now if all fatties will cut open their gut and not let them enter their colon to be properly absorbed in to the bloodstream? This kills the pill's effectiveness

um.. sell the leads of these same fatties to the docs who make these surgeries happen?

 

[lukep]

um.. sell the leads of these same fatties to the docs who make these surgeries happen?

Sadly I looked hard for the aff program link and couldn't find it.

 

[Vadym]

Sadly I looked hard for the aff program link and couldn't find it.

Not an affiliate program. You contact them directly, they're not smart enough to know Internet is a vertical that would provide them w business, but they are smart enough to pay you $XXX depending on profits for leads that pay after testing a couple.

 

[Instrumentalist]

The same guy that revolutionized walking has revolutionized eating. Maybe next he'll invent a hammer that whacks you in the head to help you go to sleep.

Yeah I mean walking can be such a chore at times. So can eating carrots.

 

[lukep]

Not an affiliate program. You contact them directly, they're not smart enough to know Internet is a vertical that would provide them w business, but they are smart enough to pay you $XXX depending on profits for leads that pay after testing a couple.

Damn bro, that sounds like work!

arty-smiley-004: