The Case Against Female Self-Esteem

BabyGotBacklink said:
Exceptional men deserve exceptional women, they are out there. I feel you giving up, it is worth finding. You find that person you want to talk to for hours because they are fascinating to you. When something happens you are immediately curious as to how they will react, what they will think, because you admire their amazing brain. Sitting on my back porch, sipping tea, so close we are touching, looking up at the stars and talking about great books, science and the world. That's love, the good kind. Cheers to you my friend.
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Except that after a couple years of talking to that same person for hours and hours the newness wears off and you start to get bored. Eventually you find that you've already discussed pretty much everything a dozen times and rehashing the same old conversations just doesn't have the same magic anymore.

Even though you pretend to be nerdy and say you like science that's a lie. The science you want to talk about is the equivalent to the popular garbage on an old Discovery Channel special. This truth comes out about the 14th time I try to hold a conversion about quantum mechanics with you. When you then accuse me of making you feel stupid by speaking in technical terms over your head. I then try to appease you by using layman's terms and slowly calmly going over anything you have questions about, but the damage is already done. Eventually, I just stop talking about science altogether so you don't get mad at me for it.

Things that you loved about me when we first met start to increasingly grind on your nerves. My intelligence and eccentric nature that you once found endearing now irritates you. Unhappy in the relationship, but unwilling to give it up you try to change me. You pressure me to stop smoking weed, which I refuse to do. I tell you, "baby I been smokin' weed since before I met you and I'll be smokin' weed after you're gone."

You start to distance yourself from me. One night you have a "girls night out" with your friends while I'm busy working. In your drunken stupor you call me and give me details of your drunken cheating on me with random strangers. With that it's over, our love is dead.

Based on a true story.
 


It's crazy to me how many women (and men) fall in love with the potential instead of the person. You have to go into it knowing that people aren't likely to change, damn near impossible. You decide whether those not so desirable traits are deal breakers and if they are then you don't pursue it.

I think people's expectations have gotten completely unreasonable, when did we get so picky? When did we stop prioritizing what really matters to us? I think everyone should identify maybe 5 qualities that are absolute "must haves" and then go from there. Otherwise it can get awfully lonely waiting around for that perfect 10.

My boyfriend is a quiet alcoholic, he's terrible at anything tech related (which is my life) he snores like a bear, he calls me too much, he's overweight, he's twenty years older than me. But I am madly in love and have been for years. Why? Because the good outweighs the bad: he has an incredible mind for business (which I admire as a business minded person), he's great in bed, he's always kind to me, he would bury a body for me and he has a wicked sense of humor.

With all his flaws I still think I'm coming out ahead, when did compromise become a dirty word? I know he could list all my flaws: I am obsessed with my work, I am not much of a housewife, I am anti social, I am self centered, I'm forgetful, I lose everything, I'm chronically late. But it still works, because we don't try to change each other. When comes home drunk as hell I don't bitch, I'm glad he's home, I make him dinner at 3am and I take his boots off when he passes out. I've grown to love his snoring, I like to lay on his big belly and listen to that white noise and fall asleep. He in turn has made peace with the fact that I'm running half hour late to everything, he takes it upon himself to remind me of important stuff and always helps me find my keys. He stops by my office and brings me lunch because he knows I get into the zone and forget to eat.

When you embrace the other persons flaws because the good outweighs the bad then amazing things happen, he makes me want to be a better woman and I make him want to be a better man. No bitching, no nagging, no false hope and manipulation. If it's the right person you put in the work because you actually want to. I cook for him several times a week because it makes him happy, he doesn't ask for it but I do it. He started going to the gym with me, was his decision but I never nagged him into it.

If you both have your own lives, if you both have your own passions and you don't stop pursuing them then the conversation stretches for years and years. That new book he's reading, that new project I have going, his new goal, my new obsession... never stop exploring together.
 
BabyGotBacklink said:
My boyfriend is a quiet alcoholic, he's terrible at anything tech related (which is my life) he snores like a bear, he calls me too much, he's overweight, he's twenty years older than me.

I know he could list all my flaws: I am obsessed with my work, I am not much of a housewife, I am anti social, I am self centered, I'm forgetful, I lose everything, I'm chronically late.

But it still works, because we don't try to change each other.
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_poto_ said:
Except that after a couple years of talking to that same person for hours and hours the newness wears off and you start to get bored. Eventually you find that you've already discussed pretty much everything a dozen times and rehashing the same old conversations just doesn't have the same magic anymore.

Even though you pretend to be nerdy and say you like science that's a lie. The science you want to talk about is the equivalent to the popular garbage on an old Discovery Channel special. This truth comes out about the 14th time I try to hold a conversion about quantum mechanics with you. When you then accuse me of making you feel stupid by speaking in technical terms over your head. I then try to appease you by using layman's terms and slowly calmly going over anything you have questions about, but the damage is already done. Eventually, I just stop talking about science altogether so you don't get mad at me for it.

Things that you loved about me when we first met start to increasingly grind on your nerves. My intelligence and eccentric nature that you once found endearing now irritates you. Unhappy in the relationship, but unwilling to give it up you try to change me. You pressure me to stop smoking weed, which I refuse to do. I tell you, "baby I been smokin' weed since before I met you and I'll be smokin' weed after you're gone."

You start to distance yourself from me. One night you have a "girls night out" with your friends while I'm busy working. In your drunken stupor you call me and give me details of your drunken cheating on me with random strangers. With that it's over, our love is dead.

Based on a true story.
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That's why you choose women based on whether they seem appealing when you're annoyed at everything.
 
The problem with self esteem is that isn't always based on reality. I like a girl with self-confidence (much rarer) because she knows what she is about, not just a girl with over inflated ego/self esteem because society has told her how special she is just for existing.
 
BabyGotBacklink said:
It's crazy to me how many women (and men) fall in love with the potential instead of the person.
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Depends on age. When people are in their early 20s, "potential" is usually all the other person has to go on. Most 22 year old men or women don't have a pot to piss in.

When you're talking about people in their late 30s, they have a history that can tell you a lot.

Also, I know all kinds of girls that were completely smoking hot when they were 20, and most of them can hardly be recognized at 35-40. When you meet someone who is attractive at 35-40 (physically or otherwise), you have good reason to expect that trend to continue.



bodiddley said:
Forney is being sensationalistic for traffic (novel idea, eh?). What he really means is that there's on the whole excessive female self-esteem and a good deal of female narcissism in modern western society (more so than in males), which is kind of obvious to anyone with a brain.

But hey, he got a thread on WF, right?
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Nail on head. It's linkbait.
 
User9364 said:
Depends on age. When people are in their early 20s, "potential" is usually all the other person has to go on. Most 22 year old men or women don't have a pot to piss in.

When you're talking about people in their late 30s, they have a history that can tell you a lot.

Also, I know all kinds of girls that were completely smoking hot when they were 20, and most of them can hardly be recognized at 35-40. When you meet someone who is attractive at 35-40 (physically or otherwise), you have good reason to expect that trend to continue.
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I definitely can agree with this but with potential I was more referring to that "fixer upper" mentality, where you don't take the person "as is" because you are seeing the person "as they could be." Women are more guilty of this than men, they think they can "cure" their partner of those traits that don't fit in to their picture of the perfect mate. Usually the "cure" involves lots of nagging and head games. Wasted energy.

They think: "Oh I can get him to quit drinking." or "I'll make him dress differently" or "Yeah he's a jerk now but if I just try a little harder to make him happy then I'm sure he'll change"
 
BabyGotBacklink said:
I definitely can agree with this but with potential I was more referring to that "fixer upper" mentality, where you don't take the person "as is" because you are seeing the person "as they could be." Women are more guilty of this than men, they think they can "cure" their partner of those traits that don't fit in to their picture of the perfect mate. Usually the "cure" involves lots of nagging and head games. Wasted energy.

They think: "Oh I can get him to quit drinking." or "I'll make him dress differently" or "Yeah he's a jerk now but if I just try a little harder to make him happy then I'm sure he'll change"
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It's called anima/animus projection (I learned this just days ago).

Is It Love or Is It Projection? an article by Rebeca E. Eigen

Read it, it is pretty interesting. Basically, most immature people fall in love with their idealized image of a man or woman which they project on someone.

The Animus is a woman's inner masculine, anima a man's inner feminine, both usually based around father/mother.

So, you're searching for this masculine/feminine in someone else to 'complete you', but you're not seeing them for who they are, but for who you desire this masculine or feminine to be. You're falling in love with yourself to some degree.

It makes a lot of sense, because otherwise you wouldn't have all this teenie love, where one part gets hurt and says stuff like 'she/he was nothing like I thought'.

It also means though that most people don't really fall in love with anyone but themselves lol.

I mean, some of us have probably tried that, I know that several times, women have on their own accord made up the fantasies about me and projected them on me. It can happen quite quickly. As long as I don't shatter them by revealing too much, it apparantly gives them an excuse to jump into bed quickly. And I've been guilty of seeing something that wasn't there in several woman as well.
 
rusvik said:
It's called anima/animus projection (I learned this just days ago).

Is It Love or Is It Projection? an article by Rebeca E. Eigen

Read it, it is pretty interesting. Basically, most immature people fall in love with their idealized image of a man or woman which they project on someone.

The Animus is a woman's inner masculine, anima a man's inner feminine, both usually based around father/mother.

So, you're searching for this masculine/feminine in someone else to 'complete you', but you're not seeing them for who they are, but for who you desire this masculine or feminine to be. You're falling in love with yourself to some degree.

It makes a lot of sense, because otherwise you wouldn't have all this teenie love, where one part gets hurt and says stuff like 'she/he was nothing like I thought'.

It also means though that most people don't really fall in love with anyone but themselves lol.

I mean, some of us have probably tried that, I know that several times, women have on their own accord made up the fantasies about me and projected them on me. It can happen quite quickly. As long as I don't shatter them by revealing too much, it apparantly gives them an excuse to jump into bed quickly. And I've been guilty of seeing something that wasn't there in several woman as well.
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TIL: BabyGotBacklink is a female!
 
There have always been have and havenots. This is not divided by gender lines (with the obvious exception of genitals and chromosomes.) Consider the time period before the 1960's. Actually, go back hundreds of years. There have always been men in positions of power, but there have been women in positions of power as well.

The positions may be different, but they weren't less important.

The mistress of the household who kept the keep while the lord was away on a two-year crusade was probably pretty intelligent, well respected and capable of running a castle the size of a town with substantially fewer resources.

The midwife and healer who was in charge of the vast majority of childbirth and nursing in a village had some serious respect as well. And not because she could make a decent sandwich. There's a reason the crone or sage is one of the strongest archetypes in literature, of course.

Fast forward 820 years and you have women quietly going about their business in medical schools, starting worldwide service and health organizations, reporting real news, opening businesses, running hotels and shops, managing brothels and bars - arguably the most popular businesses in town - and these women weren't running around shouting about how confident and great they were. They were just taking care of business.

There are always men and women who can handle any number of incredible feats of wisdom, strength, power and devotion without telling the whole world how awesome they are while they do it.

You probably know some of these women already, but naturally they don't warrant a mention in a manly link bait article. In fact, they don't get mentioned very much at all, but they have always been there and they will continue to be there in society, quietly holding up just as many cornerstones as men.

They may not be in the fancy uniform riding the white stallion to war (or they might be), but they will be just as important to the stability and continuation of society as they organize health and remediation services for the men who have been injured in the war or keep communities running efficiently with the limited resources available.

I'm reasonably sure that if you slap one of these women on the ass and ask for a sandwich, she'll smile at you with pity or scorn, shake her head, roll her eyes and walk away. And while you boast about your manly prowess with your buddies over the domination of women and their role in the kitchen, she'll have completely forgotten all about you and your weak need to assert yourself over others. She's too busy taking care of business.
 
This article sums it up nicely:

the odds of scoring a traditional foreign wife via the internet is now apparently much higher than trying to wife up an American woman who prefers short-term memberships in alpha male harems. We may have underestimated how bad things are for the average American guy if young guys still in their prime are willing to sift through hundreds or even thousands of profiles of girls who live halfway across the world just for a shot at basic companionship.
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So fucking true. Just last week I went out and went up to a table full of girls who were a 6.5 at best and all I got from the get-go was attitude.

These twats actually believe they deserve some movie star or something because the average guy just isn't good enough for them.

This is precisely why I hate going out these days. I cannot fucking stand the attitude of these women.

Perception of American Women As Masculine Is Going Mainstream | Roosh V
 
Fiver said:
This article sums it up nicely:



So fucking true. Just last week I went out and went up to a table full of girls who were a 6.5 at best and all I got from the get-go was attitude.

These twats actually believe they deserve some movie star or something because the average guy just isn't good enough for them.

This is precisely why I hate going out these days. I cannot fucking stand the attitude of these women.

Perception of American Women As Masculine Is Going Mainstream | Roosh V
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u mad bro?
 
InternetAuthor said:
I'm reasonably sure that if you slap one of these women on the ass and ask for a sandwich, she'll smile at you
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Should have left it there.

I've yet to meet a woman who doesn't enjoy a slap on the ass or a bit of the good ole patriarchy - at home.
 
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