The Glengarry Links - Put Down That Coffee...

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SCENE - Two fellas moping around,
bitching and moaning about their
lot in life...

Kay Bob
That's what I'm saying. Why? The
links. He's got the good links...
what are we, we're sitting in the
shit here. Why? We have processed
meat in a can. Huh. Ninety
percent our sale, we're losing to
the Shadow Council over those
links.

Mark Elm
The links, the proxies, the content
spinning, there's lots of things.

Kay Bob
What do you need? A nice domain? Some
bad ass backlinks from PR8's? nothing...
nothing... We've got quantity.

Mark Elm
No, it's not that simple, Shish...

Kay Bob
Yes. It is. I've got 10,000 PR N/A's.
It is simple, and you
know what the hard part is?

Mark Elm
What hard part?

Kay Bob
The dif... the difference.
Between me and TheHobbster.
The hard part is...you know what it is?

Mark Elm
Your penis? Actually being a boss and
not just pretending?

Kay Bob
Well that, that's just an act.

Mark Elm
What act? Dude seems legit to me.
The Glengarry thread made me pee a little.

Kay Bob
The act. To just say "I'm White Hat.
My one link is more powerful than 10,000
shit links AND they are safe."
He says that shit and we enslave ourselves.
To proxies and footprints and penguins.
To win $5 fucking dollars on a sale.
I mean, the gig is up.
When do you think the buyers are going to ask
why we are selling it instead of using it to rank
our own shit? I mean, surely they know by now
that we're just sitting here with our cocks
in our hands?

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Mark Elm
That's right... If not now then soon...

Kay Bob
He changed the game, and we're
working for him. We're reinforcing his position.
He's the king only because we are the peasants.

Mark Elm
That's the truth...

Kay Bob
That's the God's truth. And it
gets me depressed. I swear that it
does. At MY AGE. To see a goddamn:
"White Hat King w/ Steed tag.
P.S. Two guys get fucked."

Mark Elm
Yeah. Fuck that guy.

Kay Bob
You don't ax your Bookmarking Demon and Scrapebox.
You don't just get out there willy-nilly
and sling one post at a time. One fucking post.
I can't believe this shit. I've got 10,000
of those ready to fire off on the FBL network
at a moment's notice!

Mark Elm
I can Pligg and Scuttle circles around
that asshole.

(knocks over his $1 McDonalds Sweet Tea)

FUCK! I can't take this shit!!!

Kay Bob
Look look calm down... no...

(They grab their jackets and umbrella and head to the car)

You're absolutely right, and I want
to tell you something.

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Mark Elm
What?

Kay Bob
I want to tell you what somebody
should do.

Mark Elm
What?

Kay Bob
Someone should stand up and strike
back. Spammers have to eat too.

Mark Elm
What do you mean?

Kay Bob
Somebody...

Mark Elm
Yes...?

Kay Bob
Should do something to him.

Mark Elm
What? You're scaring me, Shish...

<< TO BE CONTINUED >>

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Kay Bob
Someone should do Something - To pay them back.

(pause)

Someone, someone should hurt them.
Hobbster and the rest of the council.

Mark Elm
Someone should hurt them.

Kay Bob
Yes.

Mark Elm

(pause)

How?

Kay Bob
How? Do something to hurt them.
Where they make their money.

Mark Elm
What?
(pause)


Kay Bob
Someone should rob the office.

Mark Elm
Huh.

Kay Bob
That's what I'm saying. We were,
if we were that kind of guys, to
knock it off, and trash the joint,
it looks like robbery, and take the
fuckin' Glengarry links... go to Rand Fishkin.

(long pause)

Mark Elm
What could somebody get for them?

Kay Bob
What could we get for them? I
don't know. A hundo throw... hundo-a-
half a throw... I don't know...Hey,
who knows what they're worth, what
do they pay for them? All
told...must be, I'd... three hundo a
a throw...I don't know.

Mark Elm
How many links have we got?

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Kay Bob
The Glengarry...the premium links...?
I'd say we got five hundred. Five.
Five hundred links.

Mark Elm
And you're saying a fella could
take and sell these links to Rand Fishkin.

Kay Bob
Yes.

Mark Elm
How do you know he'd buy them?

Kay Bob
Fishkin? Because I worked for him.

Mark Elm
You haven't talked to him.

Kay Bob
No. What do you mean? Have I
talked to him about this?

(pause)

Mark Elm
Yes. I mean are you actually
talking about this, or are we just...

Kay Bob
No, we're just...

Mark Elm
We're just "talking" about it.

Kay Bob
We're just speaking about it.

(pause)

As an idea.

Mark Elm
As an idea.

Kay Bob
Yes.

Mark Elm
We're not actually talking about it.

Kay Bob
No.

Mark Elm
Talking about it as a...

Kay Bob
No.

Mark Elm
As a robbery.

Kay Bob
As a "robbery"?! No.

Mark Elm
Well. Well...

Kay Bob
Hey.

(pause)

Mark Elm
So all this, um, you didn't,
actually, you didn't go talk to Fishkin.

Kay Bob
Not actually, no.

(pause)

Mark Elm
You didn't?

Kay Bob
No. Not actually.

Mark Elm
Did you?

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Kay Bob
Yes.

(pause)

I said, "Not actually." The fuck
you care, Mark? We're just talking...

Mark Elm
We are?

<< TO BE CONTINUED >>

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Kay Bob
Yes.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
Because, because, you know, it's a crime.

Kay Bob
That's right. It's a crime. It is
a crime. It's also very safe.

Mark Elm
You're actually talking about this?

Kay Bob
That's right.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
You're going to steal the links?

Kay Bob
Have I said that?

(Pause)

Mark Elm
Are you?

(Pause)

Kay Bob
Did I say that?

Mark Elm
Did you talk to Fishkin?

Kay Bob
Is that what I said?

Mark Elm
What did he say?

Kay Bob
What did he say? He'd buy them.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
You're going to steal the links and
sell the links to him?

(Pause)

Kay Bob
Yes.

Mark Elm
What will he pay?

Kay Bob
A hundo a shot.

Mark Elm
For five hundred?

Kay Bob
However they are, that's the deal.
A hundo a throw. Five thousand
dollars. Split it half and half.

Mark Elm
You're saying "me."

Kay Bob
Yes.

(Pause)

Twenty-five hundred apiece. One
night's work, and the job with
Fiskin. Working the premium links.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
An SEO contract with Fiskin at Moz.

Kay Bob
Is that what I said?

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Mark Elm
He'd give me an SEO contract.

Kay Bob
He would take you on. Yes.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
Is that the truth?

Kay Bob
Yes. It is, Mark.

(Pause)

Yes. It's a big decision.

(Pause)

And it's a big reward.

(Pause)

It's a big reward. For one night's work.

(Pause)

But it's got to be tonight.

Mark Elm
What?

Kay Bob
What? What? The links.

Mark Elm
You have to steal the links tonight?

Kay Bob
That's right, the council is moving them downtown, after the contest.

Mark Elm
You're, you're saying so you have
to go in there tonight and...

Kay Bob
You...

Mark Elm
I'm sorry?

Kay Bob
You.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
Me?

Kay Bob
You have to go in.

(Pause)

You have to get the links.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
I do?

Kay Bob
Yes.

Mark Elm
I...

Kay Bob
It's not something for nothing,
Mark, I took you in on this, you
have to go. That's your thing.
I've made the deal with Fiskin. I
can't go. I can't go in, I've
spoken on this too much. I've got
a big mouth.

(Pause)

"The fucking links, Fuck CCarter, Fuck
Hobbster" et cetera, blah blah blah
"...the fucking tight ass forum..."

Mark Elm
They'll know when you go over to
Fiskin...

Kay Bob
What will they know? That I stole
the links? I didn't steal the
links, I'm going to the movies
tonight with a friend, and then I'm
going to the Como Inn. Why did I
go to Fiskin? I got a better deal.
Period. Let 'em prove something.
They can't prove anything that's
not the case.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
Shish...

Kay Bob
Yes.

Mark Elm
You want me to break into the
office tonight and steal the GlenGarry links?

Kay Bob
Yes.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
No.

Kay Bob
Oh, yes, Mark.

Mark Elm
What does that mean?

Kay Bob
Listen to this. I have an alibi,
I'm going to the Como Inn, why?
Why? The place gets robbed,
they're going to come looking for
me. Why? Because I probably did
it. Are you going to turn me in?

(Pause)

Mark? Are you going to turn me in?

Mark Elm
What if you don't get caught?

Kay Bob
They come to you, you going to turn me in?

Mark Elm
Why would they come to me?

Kay Bob
They're going to come to everyone.

Mark Elm
Why would I do it?

Kay Bob
You wouldn't, Mark, that's why
I'm talking to you. Answer me.
They come to you. You going to
turn me in?

Mark Elm
No.

Kay Bob
Are you sure?

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Mark Elm
Yes. I'm sure.

Kay Bob
Then listen to this: I have to get
those links tonight. That's
something I have to do. If I'm not
at the movies...if I'm not eating
over at the inn...If you don't do
this, then I have to come in here...

Mark Elm
...you don't have to come in...

Kay Bob
...and rob the place...

Mark Elm
...I thought that we were only
talking...

Kay Bob
...they take me, then. They're
going to ask me who were my
accomplices.

Mark Elm
Me?

Kay Bob
Absolutely.

Mark Elm
That's ridiculous.

Kay Bob
Well, to the law, you're an
accessory. Before the fact.

Mark Elm
I didn't ask to be.

Kay Bob
Then tough luck, Mark, because you are.

Mark Elm
Why? Why, because you only told me
about it?

Kay Bob
That's right.

Mark Elm
Why are you doing this to me, Shish.
Why are you talking this way to me?
I don't understand. Why are you
doing this at all...?

Kay Bob
That's none of your fucking
business...

Mark Elm
Well, well, well, talk to me, we
sat down to eat dinner, and here
I'm a criminal...

Kay Bob
You went for it.

Mark Elm
In the abstract...

Kay Bob
So I'm making it concrete.

Mark Elm
Why?

Kay Bob
Why? Why you going to give me five grand?

Mark Elm
Do you need five grand?

Kay Bob
Is that what I just said?

Mark Elm
You need money? Is that the...

Kay Bob
Hey, hey, let's just keep it simple,
what I need is not the...what do you need...?

Mark Elm
What is the five grand?
(Pause)
What is the, you said that we were going to split five...

Kay Bob
I lied.

(Pause)

Alright? My end is my business.
Your end's twenty-five. In or out.
You tell me, you're out you take
the consequences.

Mark Elm
I do?

Kay Bob
Yes.

(Pause)

Mark Elm
And why is that?

Kay Bob
Because you listened.

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<< TO BE CONTINUED >>

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Thanks for all of the incoming orders! Things are moving along and I've already delivered some of the earliest orders. More coming soon. And stay tuned for the next episode of GlenJary Glen Carter!
 
Hey, I'm interested in a sticky one, though it's for a one-page site (which is already ranking pretty good but can always use an extra epic link)... so I can't link to any inner pages, is it possible to have the 3 links point to the homepage?

edit: nevermind, using a different site for this one :)
 
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SCENE: thehobbster and CCarter return
to the office after grubbin' at the chinks.

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THEHOBBSTER
Chris, someone's been in here, bro.

CCARTER
I see's that. Your NameCheap account
is logged in on the browser...

THEHOBBSTER
Are you kidding me!?!? Did they get the
links? The Glengarry Links?!? Are they there?

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CCARTER
Yeah man, it's cool. You aren't going to
believe this though.

(laughs his ass off)

They tried to transfer the domain out.
To Rand Fishkin of all people! And not
only that, they got the wrong domain!
They fucked with Grind's Dog Snuggie
domain and they didn't even manage
to transfer it! LOLOL! They 301'd it!

THEHOBBSTER
These spamtards can't even thieve correctly!
This is classic. Moz is about to make some
serious Amazon commissions! Chris, they
must have been nervous as hell, mang.
Look, there's shit dribbles from the filing cabinet,
to the computer, back to the front door! LMAO!

CCARTER
That's what eating all that fried spamkabobs
will get you.

THEHOBBSTER
I'm pretty sure that's NOT what you meant
when you taught them about traffic "leaks"
bruh bruh.

CCARTER
HA! Glengarry Lives!

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​
 
Aaaand, my friends, the Sitewides are gone! If you snoozed, well... you loozed!

There are two Sticky Lefts if that tickles your fancy. Permanent, delicious homepage linkage? I'd be all over it. Dat good good. You should too. And you know why.
 
I've just shot off a TON of reports for all of my other services, will still more to come tonight, including the Glengarry Links! I'm going to be dripping those from the earliest orders to the last so everyone can get some homepage love. Watch your emails, reports are landing in inboxes everywhere!

The new orders, I acknowledge that they are received and all is moving forward as normal.

Arigato gozaimashita!
 
can you please PM me the Majestic Seo Trust information? I'll be dropping an order after I get it. Is it a general niche?
 
Missed out on the sitewides. Gmail screwed me over by placing all your newsletter emails into promotions.
 
romeolol said:
Missed out on the sitewides. Gmail screwed me over by placing all your newsletter emails into promotions.
Click to expand...

Man, that's super lame. Doesn't mean you still can't get in on the Regulars. The final sticky is "spoken for" but not paid for, so it's fair game as well! There's still plenty of benefit to be had even though the sitewide opportunities are filled. Thanks for your interest and stopping by the thread!
 
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