I'm game. Using MS Paint is cheating though.. I'm going for ASCII art. 
But seriously - I'll give it a shot.

But seriously - I'll give it a shot.

NOOOOOO. Don't take away the useless square buttons! Anything but that.
Goldie dice, nice header!
["Retarded" header]
Pretty good first try there! It looks more like a trendy t-shirt design though, with the black shit in the background?
Thanks for the feedback Jon - I will try to create a better revision tonight (only had an hour or so to do that one!). And I get your point about the black shit - I have got into the habit of using 'that' kind of effect!