You'd Think They'd Know Better...

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Jon

Jon

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Jun 21, 2006
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I get a ton of PM, IM and email requests, hell even getting them lately on Facebook and LinkedIn.. The same spammy shit. Either its some network affiliate manager trying to pitch me about how awesome their bullshit is and why it needs to be on WickedFire (through a paid post by me -- riiiight!) or maybe why I should JV with them (I fucking HATE that term - JV - reminds me of Junior Varsity, not Joint Venture..) over some new revolutionary and magic product or service.

Every now and then though, I like to pick out the real gems and show them to people or post them here.

This is a PM I got last night... If the guy had any brains he'd know beforehand than to even ask me or pitch me rather. Anyway, he did win himself a complimentary IP and perm ban here. So maybe it wasn't a completely fruitless effort on his part afterall!

The message:

JV Partners Business Proposal
Dear Jon,

My name is Steven Lam and just like you I am an online marketer. In a matter of a few weeks, I will launch a new website dedicated to offering e-books with resale rights. The revenue model will be subscription based.

I am quite aware that this sort of thing has been tried before, but I strongly believe that my project will be several notches up compared to these previous attempts. The quality of the e-books themselves is distinctly above average and the product launch sequence is extremely well thought to ensure the maximum conversion rate.

I would very much like to have you on board of this project as a JV partner. This is a great product and in my opinion one that can sell.

Which leaves us to the most important part… the money. For my affiliate program I’m offering a commission of 40%. However, given your reach and your experience in this domain, I am willing to offer you a commission of 70% on each sale made.

I am quite aware that right now you probably have a lot of questions, so if you are interested in this collaboration or you require clarifications, please drop me a message to my personal e-mail address: [removed here, but submitted to a list of over 6000 porn, pharma, get rich quick, financial and gambling lists -- enjoy that sucker!].

Best regards,
Steven Lam
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Ohhh boy do I have A LOT of questions for him..

Here's my reply to his email addy.. before submitting him to the emails of FUN list source. (sometimes its really tough to be serious on the email when you're giggling like a school girl while writing it.)

Steven,

Woah! That's a pretty awesome idea! I don't think I've seen that being done just yet, aside for the 5 billion sites that are doing it of course. But they don't count because their solutions are CRAP! Yours sounds really unique (if you were on crack).

So you are going to take all of the tons of other ebooks written.. pretend that the quality is enhanced because you're going to whip up some new spiffy ebook cover with really hot colors and stock images, and call it something new?

I think you should consider charging something cheap though. Like $800-$1000 a month. I see people buying these ebook resale right subscriptions at that rate. It equals instant success for you AND me for being your ebook crack dealer! YAY!

Product launch sequence... Ignition... Start on my mark.. Did you used to work for NASA?? I've always wanted to do that. Just sit around making those "10-4 charlie" sounds to myself. Gosh, that would be so cool if you could do the audio for that on the sales page! Tango-niner-out!

So I get 70% of the ripoff cash that you get?? That's not a bad deal Steven. I think you are a clever and shrewd businessman. Its no wonder you've been so successful and decided to become an ebook resale rights expansion program subscription site mastermind! Try fitting that on your business card.. well, not like you'd need one, because if you did try to go to any legitimate business conference, you'd be laughed at until you wet your pants (more often than you're used to).

I do have questions though.. LOTS! Riddle me this Steven.. Why don't women like men who have crabs? I mean, they aren't the snapping kind from the ocean. They are more like soft forest crabbies, and they are harmless. True, I'm sure they itch like hell, but that's minor details! I mean, has anyone ever tried to make friends with their crabs? Did they try feeding them more than just dead skin on their pubic area? Maybe they like other things like donuts or rotten meat? You know, the breakfast of champions in the ebook industry!

I need answers to those questions asap by the way. Uhhh... its for my... friend. Yeah! My friend!

So where can I sign up Steven?? I have to meet you in person. Check the size of your penis. Make sure you're up to my high standards of 1.5" hard. Don't worry, we can discuss the crabs questions over a nice seafood lunch if you prefer. My treat.. just so long as you are open for the $5 all you can eat from yesterday's lunch servings menu. But you seem like a practical and innovative guy, so you'd be up for it!

Alright friend, godspeed to ya!

Jon
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Sheesh, the guy was just trying to make teh big monies onlinez....

On a more serious note though, I am still waiting for your reply to my PM about the "douchebag" icon *grin* :bigear:
 
If you're not interested in a joint venture with him gimmie his contact info I'd love to. I just wrote this ebook on how to make ebook moniez. Step 1 is contact jon fisher. The other 20 pages are just all your contact info and personal bio and tips on how to approach you about it. I even give out template emails. It's a bargain for 29.95.
 
I really wish I could have seen his face after reading the first half of your opening sentence, and then heart crushing second half. Well done sir
 
Haha. Your crabs question is priceless.

I'd be interested in seeing his response assuming he sends one.
 
dude, you should have strung him along more... try to get him to do a fan sign, or send you naked pics... then post em on the board so we can all laugh... kinda like 419 eater, but for ebook scammers instead of nigerians...
 
Steve Lam's business Proposal's sounds excellent. But I need to bring him to the gay bar ought, so he could chew on some dicks. Because god, his writing is devoid of any personality.
 
I think the JV thing is stupid.

Love the crabs thing.

Someone mentioned the Nigerian Scammer things. You should really do that and see how far you can get people to go. I have read some funny ass shit on that.

It could be a site around epic fails or a sticky here for each one you do.

EbookEpicFails.com :P
 
HarveyJ said:
Considering your stance on eBooks is well known (or is the moment you take more than a cursory glance at this forum) I think your reply is pretty justified... It certainly got me giggling.

I'm just wondering, do your crabs look like this or this?
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Jesus christ I was afraid those would be clean pics, what is this fucking web hosting talk or wickedfire?
 
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