Your Best Joke for the Comedy Impaired
- Thread starter BabyGotBacklink
- Start date
I've been pretty busy, Bloghue. My Indian girlfriend told me she wanted me to give her a facial today, and I nearly came on the spot.
edit:
Brace yourselves!
^^ This & This
are on their way.
It's alright, after reading through most of my other skype messages, I'm pretty sure I'm already on every list.
I have a delightful joke that will be perfect for the OP at dinner parties:
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
Awkward since I'm blonde. Which you know. Which makes this personal. And it took me a minute. Probably because I'm blonde. 8/10 delightful delivered
God summons the Devil and Jesus, and he challenges them to a programming contest.
God gives them the spec and they begin. Jesus and the Devil write their code furiously. As the contest reaches the end, the power suddenly goes out for a moment, both of their monitors go blank, and reboot when the power comes back on. God asks to see the two programs. The Devil says that he had a great program, but he lost it when the power was out. Jesus had no such problem, and won the contest...
... because Jesus saves.
God gives them the spec and they begin. Jesus and the Devil write their code furiously. As the contest reaches the end, the power suddenly goes out for a moment, both of their monitors go blank, and reboot when the power comes back on. God asks to see the two programs. The Devil says that he had a great program, but he lost it when the power was out. Jesus had no such problem, and won the contest...
... because Jesus saves.
Here's one for the fellow gay webmasters.
What sets regular and anal sex apart?
Regular sex will make you day, while anal sex will make your hole weak
What sets regular and anal sex apart?
Regular sex will make you day, while anal sex will make your hole weak
Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common?
A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!
Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex?
A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source=
Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time
A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!
Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex?
A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source=
Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it.
Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial.
After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.
Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.
Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.
The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."
Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial.
After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.
Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.
Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.
The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."
This friend of mine had a disgusted look on her face and she said "Did you know that 2 out of every 3 people live next to a pedophile"? I said, "Not me, I live next to two smoking hot 10 year olds".
---
What is worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
---
Guy comes to work on Monday. His buddy gets a cup a coffee and stands next to him.
Buddy: What did you do over the weekend?
Guy: Craziest thing. I was walking home from work along the railroad tracks and I found this girl tied the train tracks. It was weird, just tied up to the tracks like it was some old timey movie!
Buddy: What did you do?
Guy: I untied her and took her home. We had sex all weekend. I did everything to her. Every position I knew. We had sex throughout my house. Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday. I even nailed her once more before I left for work today. She had long legs, round hips, beautiful ass, thin waist and a huge rack. I couldn't believe my luck.
Buddy: What did her face look like?
Guy: I don't know. Never found the head.
---
"You know, asians are such bad drivers that I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident."
---
How are an alcoholic and a necrophiliac alike?
They both like to crack open a cold one.
---
"Jesus loves you."
A nice gesture in church.
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
sauce
---
What is worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
---
Guy comes to work on Monday. His buddy gets a cup a coffee and stands next to him.
Buddy: What did you do over the weekend?
Guy: Craziest thing. I was walking home from work along the railroad tracks and I found this girl tied the train tracks. It was weird, just tied up to the tracks like it was some old timey movie!
Buddy: What did you do?
Guy: I untied her and took her home. We had sex all weekend. I did everything to her. Every position I knew. We had sex throughout my house. Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday. I even nailed her once more before I left for work today. She had long legs, round hips, beautiful ass, thin waist and a huge rack. I couldn't believe my luck.
Buddy: What did her face look like?
Guy: I don't know. Never found the head.
---
"You know, asians are such bad drivers that I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident."
---
How are an alcoholic and a necrophiliac alike?
They both like to crack open a cold one.
---
"Jesus loves you."
A nice gesture in church.
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
sauce
Q. What shoots out of your nose at 200mph
A. A Lamborgreenie
Q. What do you call a Deer with no eyes?
A. No idea
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs
A. Still no idea
A. A Lamborgreenie
Q. What do you call a Deer with no eyes?
A. No idea
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs
A. Still no idea