Afraid of confrontation?

Russ86

Russ86

New member
May 8, 2009
1,078
11
0
San Diego
I had to confront my manager of my building today about ending my lease and I felt pretty nervous going in there.. and when I was talking to the manager, my voice even shook a little bit.. I'm sure I looked like a guilty puppy who just shit on the carpet staring up at it's owner.

The weird part is, while I was incredibly nervous talking to my manager about ending my lease, on the other side of the spectrum, I approach women all the time and it even ends up awkward sometimes, but at the end of the day I really don't give a shit.

This isn't the first time it's happened either, I can't remember specifically the other instances, but it involved me maybe being slightly dishonest when confronting someone. I could just blame it on my conscience, but this hasn't been around my whole life... when I was younger, I was a great liar in fact I had more than one teacher tell me I had a 'silver tongue' which I took, mistaken or not, as a genuine compliment, lol.

Perhaps I have evolved or maybe I've done quite the opposite. I thought as you grew older you were supposed to get better at things, not the other way around.

Either way, I feel an almost comedic sense of shame. lol.

*edit* For sake of a more interesting thread, I'm open to suggestions for methods of shock/exposure therapy I could perform to get rid of this fear. lol preferably something that doesn't hold too much risk of bodily harm.

Sorry for the rant here are some boobs.

705-Perfect%20Boobs2.jpg
 


do it as much as you can or get some xanax for anxiety. practice makes perfect, I lie to anyone and everyone I know without flinching especially family. It's actually a tough thing to deal with because sometimes I lie automatically without thinking and realize there was no point to lie, telling the truth about whatever situation/topic was at hand would have produced the same result or not affected me. I just feel like I have to hide everything for some reason.

Anyways once you can lie or embellish the truth without batting an eyelid then you won't feel bad about dealing with people when you need to take care of shit. I mean you'll always feel a little guilt about those things but you definitely shouldn't be nervous. So yeah, xanax or lie more to get used to it.
 
FerrisHilton said:
do it as much as you can or get some xanax for anxiety. practice makes perfect, I lie to anyone and everyone I know without flinching especially family. It's actually a tough thing to deal with because sometimes I lie automatically without thinking and realize there was no point to lie, telling the truth about whatever situation/topic was at hand would have produced the same result or not affected me. I just feel like I have to hide everything for some reason.

Anyways once you can lie or embellish the truth without batting an eyelid then you won't feel bad about dealing with people when you need to take care of shit. I mean you'll always feel a little guilt about those things but you definitely shouldn't be nervous. So yeah, xanax or lie more to get used to it.
Click to expand...

It's funny you mention that because I've always wanted to try an anti depressant just to see how I would feel. I wouldn't consider myself to have serious anxiety problems, but I have suffered from it, I've always just had too much pride to admit I had a problem, either pride or just not wanting other people to know about it.
 
Russ86 said:
It's funny you mention that because I've always wanted to try an anti depressant just to see how I would feel. I wouldn't consider myself to have serious anxiety problems, but I have suffered from it, I've always just had too much pride to admit I had a problem, either pride or just not wanting other people to know about it.
Click to expand...

See a psychiatrist to get diagnosed :food-smiley-010:

or like kingofsp said, 1 glass of wine + 1 of scotch every night should mellow you out
 
kingofsp said:
Drinking all the time will do wonders.
Click to expand...

lol yeah, that would have actually taken the edge off now that I think about it, joking or not, that would have actually been great.

Something I think about though, isn't subduing this fear by artificial means such as xanax or alcohol the same thing as avoiding confrontation altogether, therefore never really fixing the problem?
 
I have higher confidence with other males, especially those in authority, when I'm:

- Eating right (ie purely primal with high omega 3) and in good lifting/swimming shape,
- Getting laid,
- Been playing with weapons recently,
- Running a baller campaign, or
- On a testosterone booster (I don't do roids but I've done a few natural herbal ones that worked)

Also helps when you have nothing to lose.
 
I have to deal with confrontation all day, and I used to have major anxiety about it. I've grown into it.



The more I work with and deal with lawyers, the better I've gotten at dealing with confrontation effectively. I just started mimicking them. Fake it 'till you make it. :) Attorneys have a way of cutting right to it. Most business people tend to always be in sell mode. All those thoughts and pitches and angles to play get all jumbled and create more stress around getting out your point or issue out. Rather than a big show, just say your piece. End of discussion. Keep it simple and relevant. People don’t need a back story, usually they don’t care. Keep it simple.

For starters, just tell yourself - unless it’s actually going to kill you or get you killed, don't worry about it so much. :)


Someone once told me "You're either gonna be an ass kicker, or get your ass kicked." It's sort of my mantra when I need it.


Good luck
 
Makes a lot of sense, especially the "backstory" thing. I think I may have tried to hard to explain myself vs. just going in there and saying what came to my mind. Also yeah, I am a bit out of shape, haven't been to the gym in ages... turns out sitting at a computer all day, isolated, can kind of wear on you in more ways than one.
 
Jack Daniels works but you have to stand far enough away, you lose some credibility if you smell like whiskey. ;-)

Just try to be confident and feel like you are in control over the situation before you go in. Psych yourself up and just do it. Try to get some of the "I don't care what happens" attitude you were talking about. The manager may not care either but if you seem vulnerable or nervous of course he will push you.
 
man the fuck up. seriously.

Couple things.

a) you're WAAAAY over thinking it
b) you're not confident in yourself
c) you've not been in enough situations like this (aka exposure theory - ask a lot of girls out and every time you'll be a little less nervous and fear rejection less and less, etc.)

d) adopt a 'i don't give a fuck attitude of confidence' this allows you to relax which allows them to relax.. which then relaxes you... etc.
 
the #1 thing that helps me, and im trying to drill it into my wife, is this:

i don't care what you think of me, i expect YOU to care what I think of you

whenever someone is doing something or saying something, there is a tendency as to think "uh oh, what if that person judges me or thinks different about me". Turn it around, and think to yourself, they're probably thinking the same thing about themselves. thats how it makes it easy to boost your confidence.

i always look people right in the eye and tell it like it is. only on extreme rare situations do i lie about anything.

dont be afraid to admit you dont know something, or cant think of something off the top of your head. tell them you'll look into it and get back to them...and be assertive when saying this. its totally reasonable to not know everything off the top of your head and if they expect that you do, then THEY are wrong (see #1 above)
 
FerrisHilton said:
do it as much as you can or get some xanax for anxiety. practice makes perfect, I lie to anyone and everyone I know without flinching especially family. It's actually a tough thing to deal with because sometimes I lie automatically without thinking and realize there was no point to lie, telling the truth about whatever situation/topic was at hand would have produced the same result or not affected me. I just feel like I have to hide everything for some reason.

Anyways once you can lie or embellish the truth without batting an eyelid then you won't feel bad about dealing with people when you need to take care of shit. I mean you'll always feel a little guilt about those things but you definitely shouldn't be nervous. So yeah, xanax or lie more to get used to it.
Click to expand...

sounds like you're quite a proud liar.
 
try the Release technique taught by Larry Crane or the Se dona Method

or as others have mentioned try exposing yourself to the situations that you are not comfortable with repeatedly. Sure people with think you are a bit crazy but you are developing your confidence and that is what matters and will make your life better.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom