Critique My Landing Pages

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maxor

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Jun 1, 2007
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Arizona, USA
www.npboards.com
I'm just starting out and I'm not sure how well I'm going to do with these landing pages. I figure since I'm just starting out I can't loose much by revealing my landing pages since they're not converting anyhow.

I'm dynamically inserting text based on the keyword on the first landing page, but not doing that on the other landing page.

I've ran the first one for a bit and I'm starting to run the other one tomorrow.

Landing Page #1 (Click for larger version)


Landing Page #2 (Click for larger version)


Any comments are appreciated!
 


For the first LP.

You dont allow users to skim read your bullet points are not clear. There is way to much info in the main body you should really break that up with more imagery. You should probably redesign the top submit box. Its not obvious what to submit unless reading a few sentences. The page has no obvious flow, it seems like you've copy bits and pieces from other sites (e.g fonts do not match up). You need really put emphasis on acting now. Users aren't going to bother reading all the text. You need make sure that the text that they will read will sell. For your testimonials you should really have images of people, make it more personal and realistic.

For the second LP.

The only users you will convert are users who are looking for exactly what you mention your ad copy. The landing page doesn't seem like a landing page as your not really "pre-selling" the service/product. More images, more nice big "shit I gotta buy now" sentences. Have a look around at your competitions LPs, will be a good starting point.
 
1. Make the font that describes the service bigger and simpler, i.e. "Reverse-Lookup Any Phone Number"

2. Make the phone entry field 3 different input boxes

3. Throw some javascript in there to make it look as if information has been found. i.e. once most of the phone number has been entered, make the label say "3 COMPLETE PROFILES FOUND" or something along those lines. When the full phone number has been entered, the user should be fully-aware that the service is about to give the information about that phone number.

4. Some sort of pre-confirmation page, such as the one found here: Reverse Phone Detective - Search Results

5. Setup your PPC campaign to auto-fill the phone fields based off of the search query... Many people simply go to Google and type in the phone number of the number they are researching; keeping your adgroups tight, create campaigns for each invidiual phone number and have the form pre-filled with a little reminder that information for that particular number has been found.
 
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Fucking Nice
aim said:
1. Make the font that describes the service bigger and simpler, i.e. "Reverse-Lookup Any Phone Number"

2. Make the phone entry field 3 different input boxes

3. Throw some javascript in there to make it look as if information has been found. i.e. once most of the phone number has been entered, make the label say "3 COMPLETE PROFILES FOUND" or something along those lines. When the full phone number has been entered, the user should be fully-aware that the service is about to give the information about that phone number.

4. Some sort of pre-confirmation page, such as the one found here: Reverse Phone Detective - Search Results

5. Setup your PPC campaign to auto-fill the phone fields based off of the search query... Many people simply go to Google and type in the phone number of the number they are researching; keeping your adgroups tight, create campaigns for each invidiual phone number and have the form pre-filled with a little reminder that information for that particular number has been found.
Click to expand...
 
Thanks for the replies.

I do agree that the first landing page was weak. I created it in a hurry to just get something up and done.

I think the second one was created out of frustration "well if this doesn't work, I remove everything!" type feeling.
 
lalaha said:
For the first LP.

You dont allow users to skim read your bullet points are not clear. There is way to much info in the main body you should really break that up with more imagery. You should probably redesign the top submit box. Its not obvious what to submit unless reading a few sentences. The page has no obvious flow, it seems like you've copy bits and pieces from other sites (e.g fonts do not match up). You need really put emphasis on acting now. Users aren't going to bother reading all the text. You need make sure that the text that they will read will sell. For your testimonials you should really have images of people, make it more personal and realistic.
Click to expand...

I agree on the emphasis of acting now and the search box not being too obvious. I didn't even think to add images of people to the testimonials, good idea.

lalaha said:
For the second LP.

The only users you will convert are users who are looking for exactly what you mention your ad copy. The landing page doesn't seem like a landing page as your not really "pre-selling" the service/product. More images, more nice big "shit I gotta buy now" sentences. Have a look around at your competitions LPs, will be a good starting point.
Click to expand...

I'll take a look at the competition, that's probably a good place to start.
 
aim said:
1. Make the font that describes the service bigger and simpler, i.e. "Reverse-Lookup Any Phone Number"
Click to expand...

This should help with making the goal/action more obvious.

aim said:
2. Make the phone entry field 3 different input boxes
Click to expand...

Never thought to do this, but it will probably be a good thing to split test down the road once I get a better overall page.

aim said:
3. Throw some javascript in there to make it look as if information has been found. i.e. once most of the phone number has been entered, make the label say "3 COMPLETE PROFILES FOUND" or something along those lines. When the full phone number has been entered, the user should be fully-aware that the service is about to give the information about that phone number.

4. Some sort of pre-confirmation page, such as the one found here: Reverse Phone Detective - Search Results
Click to expand...

When the user enters a phone number and clicks submit they are taken to that exact page. I think an AJAX powered "results found" when they type in a number would be a neat trick.

aim said:
5. Setup your PPC campaign to auto-fill the phone fields based off of the search query... Many people simply go to Google and type in the phone number of the number they are researching; keeping your adgroups tight, create campaigns for each invidiual phone number and have the form pre-filled with a little reminder that information for that particular number has been found.
Click to expand...

I don't even know where to begin trying to setup an adgroup for every phone number. Pre-populating would be great but it seems like I would need a TON of keywords(for each phone number).
 
Here's a tip to get some traffic and conversions. Bid on the phone numbers of collection agencies. There's a TON. A lot of people get called by them, don't pick up, type in the number into G and you could sell them on the proposition that they can find out what collection agency is nagging them and then sell them on on a credit report offer to ensure they know their credit history and then add in a credit repair program.

If you put work into creating some targeted ad groups and a targeted + persuading landing page you could bank on that.

Like,

18004854333 (Example number)

800-485-4333
Is this collection agency
bothering you? Find out more!
NoMoreCollections.com/800-485-4333

Landing page:
Talk about the number, give hints to what the collection agency name is, ask them to a reverse phone search to get all the information they need. Have the 2 other offers I mentioned above in there too.

btw, this is a whole new approach to what you're so I'm throwing it out there for everyone else. Sorry if I clogged up your thread
 
productionhead said:
Here's a tip to get some traffic and conversions. Bid on the phone numbers of collection agencies. There's a TON. A lot of people get called by them, don't pick up, type in the number into G and you could sell them on the proposition that they can find out what collection agency is nagging them and then sell them on on a credit report offer to ensure they know their credit history and then add in a credit repair program.

If you put work into creating some targeted ad groups and a targeted + persuading landing page you could bank on that.

Like,

18004854333 (Example number)

800-485-4333
Is this collection agency
bothering you? Find out more!
NoMoreCollections.com/800-485-4333

Landing page:
Talk about the number, give hints to what the collection agency name is, ask them to a reverse phone search to get all the information they need. Have the 2 other offers I mentioned above in there too.

btw, this is a whole new approach to what you're so I'm throwing it out there for everyone else. Sorry if I clogged up your thread
Click to expand...

This is a FANTASTIC idea that I'm going to go after once I've got some things sorted out with my current problem. I can think of a lot of different numbers that people would be searching for, and this would be an awesome application.

Thanks!
 
Yeah the revamped one is def much better but some suggestions.

1. Move the form to enter the users phone number (your call to action) up above the bulleted list. Also auto-fill it as Aim suggested, actually do everything he suggested as he gave you some very good ideas such as the "3 COMPLETE PROFILES FOUND" part that I still don't see in your new version.

2. Add few paragraphs of text towards the bottom of the page to help your QS as well as the normal privacy policy, about us, contact etc. I personally would also add an articles section and put some content in there as well to prevent big G from slapping you around which they have been doing more and more lately.

3. Start testing it already plus make at least one other version and split test both from the start.

Good luck.
 
Okay, completely revamped and not utilizing the ajax search results thing.

When the visitor fills out the first two text boxes a random number is generated and it says "47 Possible Matches Found! Click Search to Learn More"

Landing Page #4 (Click for larger version)
 
Well, the campaign has run for about two days now, I feel like I've got the landing page sorted out, but still no conversions.

Maybe this offer (reversephonedetective) is too competative, or operates on super narrow margins.

Maybe my keywords suck or my ad copy is no good.

Either way, I'm not having much luck with this campaign and am running at -100% ROI after $75 of PPC. Not exactly encouraging.

I'm giving it one last go today and then I'm turning it off until I can figure out what the hell is going on.

Next step, find a good/easy CPA offer that I can create a landing page for and hopefully get some conversions with.

Any suggestions?
 
are people clicking through to the offer? If I were doing it, I would probably be turned down by the fact you have to pay for it. Unless you clearly say there is a cost in the ad.
 
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