Do you or will you spank your children?

Do you or will you spank your children?

  • Yes

    Votes: 70 53.0%
  • No

    Votes: 62 47.0%

  • Total voters
    132
A lot here say it's acceptable to spank in certain cases.. Here are some of those cases and my response..

Child runs off into busy traffic..
If a child is at an age/limited understanding of basic cause and effect, how can we expect them to understand the cause and effect approach of spanking? They're thinking, "Ooowee, look at those big objects traveling really fast, I'd like to get closer!", all the sudden their parent is screaming, running towards them like a mad man (understandably so), and then grabs them and pulls them back into the yard.. At this stage, the kid is most definitely frightened as fuck, confused, and likely crying. Most parents after all of that, would then proceed to hit them. Wat? Instead, if they're not at an age in which they don't understand you telling them why we don't run into a road, how about you keep a closer eye on them? Hitting them will not solve anything, as they're clearly not at an age to understand cause an effect. If anyone needs hit, (which they don't, ever except in cases of self defense), it's the parent for being neglectful.

"I purposely destroyed my sister's waterbed in retaliation for something stupid -- he smacked me right across the face."
Did he do anything else? Did he make you clean up the water? Make you work to buy a new bed? Try to figure out what exactly happened, try to get to the root of the problem and tell you why that type of reactionary response is never justified? I'm willing to bet if all those options were exhausted, smacking you across the face wouldn't have been needed to make you never do something like that again. The problem is he used violence to make you avoid destroying property, rather than help make you want to avoid destroying property because it's wrong. Psychologically this leads to a form of behavior motivated by the fear of hierarchical authority, rather than a form of behavior motivated by what's right and wrong.

Using violence to solve problems (a) teaches children to use violence to solve problems and (b) remain obedient citizens under the threat of authority.

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I believe that how we answer this question has a lot to do with how we were raised. Whether we were spanked and if we deemed it to be helpful or hurtful.

I believe it is a useful tool in the discipline arsenal. A tool that rarely needs to be used if you are handling your normal day to day disciplining properly.
 
A little girl spilled paint all over the living room floor. Her mom told her to go get the wooden spoon so she could get a swat to help her remember to be more careful.

She came back 5 minutes later holding out a large rock and said "I couldn't find the spoon mommy, but you can hurt me with this rock if you want."
 
Some children will just go sleep in the shed. Every kid is different.

Yeah, that's when you need to up the ante.

Occasionally, mine will say "yes". Then I'll look at her, and say "with the lawnmower?" (she's scared of lawnmowers), and she'll back down pretty damn quickly.

Of course, she'll eventually wise up. I'll have to think of some new tactic when this one wears out. It's fun for now though.

I've already got my discipline approach lined up for when she's a teenager. I'm going to buy a VW camper van and paint it pink and cover it in fur. It will stay in the garage with the threat that if she misbehaves, I'll drop her off at school in it.

"Honey, be back at 10 or it will be a trip to school in the punishment van tomorrow.".


PS I have no intention of allowing her any input into my care should I become ill or infirm when elderly.
 
Spanking is completely unnecessary when there are non violent methods that actually work better if your goal is happy, well-mannered, well adjusted children.

People that continue to to hit their children as a form of disciplined are either:

Ignorant -don't understand there are better methods out there.
Lazy- Instant gratification to hit a child and make them afraid. Yep that will stop the problem...in the short term.
Rotten- You get some sort of weird joy out of hitting your children.

I'm not sure which of the three is the worst, take your pick.

el oh el

I hit my oldest son twice, both times he deserved it and I've never regretted nor apologized for it. The first time he was in 3rd grade and was beginning to develop a really unhealthy hatred/disrespect for females (classmates and teachers). His mother is from a past relationship and she's a real piece of shit, so I suspect that's where the feelings were coming from.

First time I get called to the school I sit him down and have a talk with him. First I ask him why he was acting that way, what's bothering him etc. I explain to him what proper behavior is and why etc. No punishment at all. A week later he pushes two girls on the school bus. This time I yell at him and ground him for month. We have the talk again and this time I try to dig deeper and I'm sure he understands and it will never happen again. Two weeks later he pushes a girl down on the playground. On the way home I slapped him upside the head two or three times and yelled at him. I said "How does it feel? Do you like being pushed and hit? No? They don't ever fucking do that again do you fucking understand me? I'm done talking to you about this shit!".

Never happened again.

A couple of years later I had a problem with him stealing and again, first we talked, then he was grounded, then the last time I slapped him upside his head a few times and told him "when you steal from people expect to be treated with violence. People don't like when you steal from them so don't be surprised if you get your ass beat or worse. Don't fucking steal!"

Never happened again.

He's in high school now and has a healthy appreciation for property rights and he's respectful of females - too respectful in my opinion, but he'll learn a balance.

tl;dr - Sometimes kids need a whooping. Do society a favor and address the problems when they're young.
 
I plan on spanking, the girls who call me their daddy, quite regularly. Honestly, what's everyone's problem with it? They did ask for it, after all, by being such naughty girls.
 
Here is a thought....

Spanking is just one very small part of parenting and discipline and behavior of your child who is CONSTANTLY watching and learning from you and everyone around you.

And that if you're the type of person that has studied the studies and done the research and have chosen not to spank your child...

... the fact that you're the type of person that would take the time to study the studies has more of an impact on your childs behavior than your choice to actually spank a child's bottom when deemed necessary.

As opposed to those people who spank because their parents spanked. But it doesn't mean that their child won't turn out just fine because they might excel in areas of parenting that you suck.


Go read Freakanomics.
 
el oh el

I hit my oldest son twice, both times he deserved it and I've never regretted nor apologized for it. The first time he was in 3rd grade and was beginning to develop a really unhealthy hatred/disrespect for females (classmates and teachers). His mother is from a past relationship and she's a real piece of shit, so I suspect that's where the feelings were coming from.

First time I get called to the school I sit him down and have a talk with him. First I ask him why he was acting that way, what's bothering him etc. I explain to him what proper behavior is and why etc. No punishment at all. A week later he pushes two girls on the school bus. This time I yell at him and ground him for month. We have the talk again and this time I try to dig deeper and I'm sure he understands and it will never happen again. Two weeks later he pushes a girl down on the playground. On the way home I slapped him upside the head two or three times and yelled at him. I said "How does it feel? Do you like being pushed and hit? No? They don't ever fucking do that again do you fucking understand me? I'm done talking to you about this shit!".

Never happened again.

A couple of years later I had a problem with him stealing and again, first we talked, then he was grounded, then the last time I slapped him upside his head a few times and told him "when you steal from people expect to be treated with violence. People don't like when you steal from them so don't be surprised if you get your ass beat or worse. Don't fucking steal!"

Never happened again.

He's in high school now and has a healthy appreciation for property rights and he's respectful of females - too respectful in my opinion, but he'll learn a balance.

tl;dr - Sometimes kids need a whooping. Do society a favor and address the problems when they're young.



It's interesting you think it was the smacking upside the head that did it and not the empathy scenarios that you did. Role playing is a highly effective tool in parenting. Putting your child in the place of the person that was wronged is valuable in any type of behavioral modification process. In both cases, you came at it from a "this is not my punishment as a parent-this is what it feels like or this is what could happen to you" Almost a natural consequence (although not quite).

Not saying that I agree with it, but it's still slightly different than the parent that incorporates spanking into regular behavior modification. Another factor here was that your child was older. People tend to, perversely, hit children when they're really young. There's something extra disturbing about parents hitting their children that don't even have proper vocabulary yet.
 
People tend to, perversely, hit children when they're really young. There's something extra disturbing about parents hitting their children that don't even have proper vocabulary yet.

My guess would be that is more out of frustration then anything else. I can't speak from experience, because I have never hit or spanked my kids (time outs, groundings, taking toys, etc, but no spanking), but its easier to giver discipline when you can communicate what they did wrong and that this or that is the consequence. Kids who are to young for speech understand physical punishment and can connect if I do this, I get hurt.

Not saying I condone that, cause I don't. We are the adults and have to come up with ways to discipline without smacking around kids. Just saying that is my guess what causes this.
 
"I purposely destroyed my sister's waterbed in retaliation for something stupid -- he smacked me right across the face."
Did he do anything else? Did he make you clean up the water? Make you work to buy a new bed? Try to figure out what exactly happened, try to get to the root of the problem and tell you why that type of reactionary response is never justified? I'm willing to bet if all those options were exhausted, smacking you across the face wouldn't have been needed to make you never do something like that again. The problem is he used violence to make you avoid destroying property, rather than help make you want to avoid destroying property because it's wrong. Psychologically this leads to a form of behavior motivated by the fear of hierarchical authority, rather than a form of behavior motivated by what's right and wrong.

Using violence to solve problems (a) teaches children to use violence to solve problems and (b) remain obedient citizens under the threat of authority.

mM6tP.jpg

I can't disagree with your synopsis of my situation: my dad was raised by an alcoholic dictator and likely didn't know any better way to deal with me (reasoning, love, etc.) But at the same time I didn't turn out as (a) or (b) as you described.

My old man was more prone to extreme psychological abuse and punishment (Eg., we once went a full year without talking because I stood up to him about something.) However, on the subject of hitting: because he'd never hid me before the two incidents that occurred, it stuck with me and made me feel more shame and awareness of having done wrong than a stern warning, time out, etc. would have.

Had he repeatedly hit me then I could easily see myself becoming like certain peers I knew growing up who were beaten by their dads and seemed to have no fear of pain or violence because of it.

So in my case, he had dealt with other problems I'd caused or things I'd done in a non-violent way, and when I had really disappointed him, he did the one thing that I'm sure he didn't want to, but he wanted to show me that at that particular time, it wasn't worth it to him to fuck around and waste his time reasoning or even playing his favourite mind-games.

Beating in anger or as a pattern of discipline is definitely wrong though, I agree with everyone. I'm also pretty sure I wouldn't be able to hit my daughter, as I wouldn't want her growing up thinking she deserves to be hit when she makes a man mad. But perhaps her mother would give her a hard slap when she needs a reality check.

I raised my much younger brother and although I included love, empathy and lots of meaningful talk in my parenting: I did have to get physical a time or two and now that he's an adult, he expressed the same appreciation for those situations that I do with my childhood.

My cousin was raised with the love of god and the almighty and treated like a delicate flower, with discussions at the supper table about right or wrong and living a good Christian life: Now she has her own adult website, is a drug addict, and has basically ruined her parent's life. They never abused her in any way, disciplined her when she did wrong, and spent hundreds of thousands on college, weddings, and cars to no avail. Some methods seem predictable, but I doubt my relatives thought love and understanding would lead their daughter down the road she's on.