It possible you had a panic attack? I had my first one about 4 years ago. I had no idea what it was and thought I was dying.. it can be scary stuff if you don't know whats going on.
Ever feel that you are losing your mind?
- Thread starter titanium777
- Start date
Yes. I've not had the greatest childhood, and around 20-21 I started heavily using psychedelics, which only made my existential anxiety worse because I was already balls deep in philosophy, psychology, and spirituality. After one of a zillion trips, I had the typical euphoria the next day, went to one of my college classes, was taking notes, and suddenly I was catapulted into a newer, higher state of awareness.
Essentially I just landed in complete and persisting depersonalization and derealization for about a year and a half, with another year and a half of slowly getting better and better. Panic attacks, major depression, serotonin issues out the ass, generalized anxiety.
It was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's not as simple as I've stated it above. It was akin to a death/rebirth experience, ego death, dark night of the soul, whatever term tickles your fancy.
The way I view it is that my whacked out cognitive framework self-destructed and broke down to the foundation, and I started from the ground up rebuilding a healthier psychology. I'm 100x better off for it. It was a bottom that gave me a frame of reference. I realized that my baseline was really fucking low and I didn't realize it before this frame of reference came around.
You're going to get a lot of advice from both camps about this and that, causes and symptoms, medication or not. What I say is, you do whatever the fuck you feel you need to do to keep your symptoms clear and calm enough to a) not hurt yourself and b) keep them down enough that you can focus on the real issues and not waste time keeping symptoms at bay. Shit like this CAN "just happen" due to neurochemical imbalances and what not, but I'd venture to say that 95% of the time there's traumatic shit from the past, or a zillion mini-trauma's going on (like shitty life stresses that aren't natural for us creatures of nature). See if you can identify any of that shit and come to terms with it.
Some more advice: avoid psychedelics including weed, avoid stimulants including sugar and caffiene, start mending any broken relationships with your family and friends that matter, love the shit out of your pets, if you pray totally stop unless it's prayers of gratitude. Don't go on that guilt OCD shit we get taught in the ole judeo-christian-islam trip. Live for you and only you. Put yourself first in trying times.
Fortunately, this experience also helped me surpass my old baseline, shift it much higher than the average person, and continue climbing. But I paid for it. Dante style. Went to the depths of hell to go through the other side to start climbing through purgatory and on to heaven. I could go on and on about 40 days in the desert or shamanic retreats or planting myself under a bodhi tree, because that's what all this mythology is talking about. It might for you, like me, be thrusted upon you without choice. Ride that shit out, don't off yourself, and you'll be forever grateful and in-tune with expanded self, which encompasses far more than we realize.
Row row row your boat. Chop wood and carry water. Life is but a dream. Live it merrily down the stream of time, and at least steer the boat.
Rambles brought to you by thehobbster, And nah, this isn't sales copy for Liquid Rainbow!
100% serious, this is exactly what happens. Perfect metaphor. The simulation theory is no joke. I'm not saying we are in some computer simulation, but definitely some grand play of some supra-consciousness. Perhaps we are all nodes of that one big one, or it's some outside agency, who knows. But shit is cray! Even if you dont' want to take it that far, you definitely become unglued from the social paradigms and spiritual zeitgeists of the time. Being the observer unplugged is rattling at first. Then you come to terms and start arranging the chess pieces on the stage of life. Might as well ball out of control, or go be a hermit in the woods, jacking off and fishing and reading Walden.
Essentially I just landed in complete and persisting depersonalization and derealization for about a year and a half, with another year and a half of slowly getting better and better. Panic attacks, major depression, serotonin issues out the ass, generalized anxiety.
It was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's not as simple as I've stated it above. It was akin to a death/rebirth experience, ego death, dark night of the soul, whatever term tickles your fancy.
The way I view it is that my whacked out cognitive framework self-destructed and broke down to the foundation, and I started from the ground up rebuilding a healthier psychology. I'm 100x better off for it. It was a bottom that gave me a frame of reference. I realized that my baseline was really fucking low and I didn't realize it before this frame of reference came around.
You're going to get a lot of advice from both camps about this and that, causes and symptoms, medication or not. What I say is, you do whatever the fuck you feel you need to do to keep your symptoms clear and calm enough to a) not hurt yourself and b) keep them down enough that you can focus on the real issues and not waste time keeping symptoms at bay. Shit like this CAN "just happen" due to neurochemical imbalances and what not, but I'd venture to say that 95% of the time there's traumatic shit from the past, or a zillion mini-trauma's going on (like shitty life stresses that aren't natural for us creatures of nature). See if you can identify any of that shit and come to terms with it.
Some more advice: avoid psychedelics including weed, avoid stimulants including sugar and caffiene, start mending any broken relationships with your family and friends that matter, love the shit out of your pets, if you pray totally stop unless it's prayers of gratitude. Don't go on that guilt OCD shit we get taught in the ole judeo-christian-islam trip. Live for you and only you. Put yourself first in trying times.
Fortunately, this experience also helped me surpass my old baseline, shift it much higher than the average person, and continue climbing. But I paid for it. Dante style. Went to the depths of hell to go through the other side to start climbing through purgatory and on to heaven. I could go on and on about 40 days in the desert or shamanic retreats or planting myself under a bodhi tree, because that's what all this mythology is talking about. It might for you, like me, be thrusted upon you without choice. Ride that shit out, don't off yourself, and you'll be forever grateful and in-tune with expanded self, which encompasses far more than we realize.
Row row row your boat. Chop wood and carry water. Life is but a dream. Live it merrily down the stream of time, and at least steer the boat.
Rambles brought to you by thehobbster, And nah, this isn't sales copy for Liquid Rainbow!
100% serious, this is exactly what happens. Perfect metaphor. The simulation theory is no joke. I'm not saying we are in some computer simulation, but definitely some grand play of some supra-consciousness. Perhaps we are all nodes of that one big one, or it's some outside agency, who knows. But shit is cray! Even if you dont' want to take it that far, you definitely become unglued from the social paradigms and spiritual zeitgeists of the time. Being the observer unplugged is rattling at first. Then you come to terms and start arranging the chess pieces on the stage of life. Might as well ball out of control, or go be a hermit in the woods, jacking off and fishing and reading Walden.
I've had a few episodes of depersonalization- but for me I think it's actually a response to and coping mechanism for underlying anxiety issues. I have lifelong social anxiety for one thing, and that can be depressing. When I get that way, I keep getting shit done. If anything I'm more productive and driven, but it feels like I'm watching a movie and not really participating. In my case, I think this actually makes things easier. I don't have to worry about the things I can't control and can focus on what I'm doing. At first the awareness is a little scary, I guess. Otherwise it's almost a sort of calming meditation.
All that said, I've known a few people who experienced some sort of "break from reality," either in response to stress or drug use, and there is medical shit that can help.
All that said, I've known a few people who experienced some sort of "break from reality," either in response to stress or drug use, and there is medical shit that can help.
I got a similar feeling when I took 400mg caffeine after quite some time of not taking any. It might be physical in nature and not a "philosophy" kind of thing.
The continuing effect might simply be from your attachment to the event.
The continuing effect might simply be from your attachment to the event.
Most of us were unaware of how awareness would eventually affect us when we initially got attracted to the idea of knowledge and self discovery/enlightenment. Sometimes I look at myself in 3rd person and try to figure out if I was right about doing this or that, but lately I've been entirely substance free and after I started regularly meditating, putting in long hours of distraction-free work and looking for new ways of fulfillment outside the material BS, my quality of life improved drastically. I feel pure joy and clarity no matter what it is that I take on - all new challenges seem far beyond possible, I get things done and make them happen like I envisioned from the start, and basically wouldn't change it for anything. Sometimes ridding yourself of ego is praised in far east societies, and as far as I'm concerned dwelling for hours doing the research so you can diagnose yourself on something you THINK you might have is a waste of time, time that you can use for your own self improvement and to concentrate on what really matters to you. Bottom line is, there's no awareness without self improvement or self destruction. People think of improvement as a moment of decision, when it's really a process that can get long and painful, and the only thing you should ask yourself is whether it'd be worth it or not to give up your usual comforts and pursue something of value - something you'll appreciate yourself for doing years down the line.
Sounds quite healthy and normal to me. Just don't be afraid or try to get back to "normal".One day at work, I started feeling a weird onset (light headed, confused, etc) and panicked. I ran to the bathroom and shook it off; this episode was about 6 weeks ago. Ever since then, I've never felt the same.
I feel very depersonalized, detached, and out of it; the best way to describe: I feel like I'm in some continuing dream. I have a hard time grasping what 'normal' even feels like anymore, or if life is real.
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0qnY9WvBfU]Detached and Awake in This Dreaming World ~ Spoken by Mooji - YouTube[/ame]
Hey OP, wish you all the best pal. I felt how you describe for a year or so when I was a teen. Not pleasant 
A few of the things written here (thehobbster) ring true to me, but it's your body/mind and everybody is different. Could easily be anxiety as others have suggested - which can be very 'real' and debilitating.
- Lay off intoxicants. Booze, green, white etc. (Trippy or rushy shit especially.)
- Exercise.
- Rumination is not healthy. Don't beat yourself up for past mistakes - absorb yourself in now and the future instead.
- ^ That applies to this mental state, too! For what it's worth, I think it's good that you recognise it, but don't dwell on or over analyse it.
I don't know where in the world you are, but mental health services are very hit and miss. While I would personally try and avoid them in the first instance, if it gets to a point where you are becoming a danger to yourself or others, seek professional help.
All my sympathies bro, good luck.
A few of the things written here (thehobbster) ring true to me, but it's your body/mind and everybody is different. Could easily be anxiety as others have suggested - which can be very 'real' and debilitating.
- Lay off intoxicants. Booze, green, white etc. (Trippy or rushy shit especially.)
- Exercise.
- Rumination is not healthy. Don't beat yourself up for past mistakes - absorb yourself in now and the future instead.
- ^ That applies to this mental state, too! For what it's worth, I think it's good that you recognise it, but don't dwell on or over analyse it.
I don't know where in the world you are, but mental health services are very hit and miss. While I would personally try and avoid them in the first instance, if it gets to a point where you are becoming a danger to yourself or others, seek professional help.
All my sympathies bro, good luck.
I can relate to the anxiety part...It only happens like once a year, for about a week and it's always related to either some sht that is going on now or something that happened but is somehow still stressing me out.
In that week when I go outside even for a walk everything seems blurry and it does actually feel like a dream.
Over time I learned not to let it affect my work and to not "give it" too much attention...then it goes away.
youre late to the party. it was already declared laughable sheeple mentality to actually believe that strange states of mind could be explained by organs fucking up.
get a life
Not to be pedantic, but it is possible.
If you have repeated concussions or head trauma, strange states of mind can definitely occur.
It isn't the case with OP...he just needs to HTFU.
Who Am I? Where Do I Belong? Is This All A Dream?
C'mon dude - stop taking yourself so seriously. You started as worm food, you will end up as worm food soon enough.
Live life, have fun, drive fast, fuck hard, lift heavy weight and eat pie. And grow a beard...
The eastern school of enlightenment advocates "destroy your ego, deny all worldly pleasures, it's all an illusion". But little do people know that the west has it's own tradition of enlightenment and it's something along the lines of "indulge vigorously in all the pleasures you can think of, denial is sin, live life to the fullest". Both are ways to the same end, but I think it's very appropriate to consider where you were born because if you live in a Western society, you cannot be successful WITHOUT a well-developed ego. So instead of destroying something that's there for a good reason, work with it.
as already said in the thread, do you intake much caffeine? sounds like a mild caffeine induced panic attack to me. i get them a bit from drinking too much coke zero. can be weird feeling. the obvious solution is lay off caffeine for a while.
Like you, I was extremely depressed and depersonalized while I was in college. I tried everything - meditation, medication, exercise, volunteering, eating healthy (juicing), sleeping 8+ hours, socializing, etc. Still didn't do much to help, and I had my first panic attack a few months ago (induced by weed whilst talking to a self-made millionaire about my future. yeah.... you could imagine how that went).
I dropped out of college last week, and now every day is sweet ass euphoria.
Maybe quit your soul-crushing job?
Also, do you know why kids are happy as fuck and adults are all depressed? It's because kids do what they want and don't give a fuck, while adults conform and do shit that they hate. Thus, adults try to cope with the stress by doing shit like exercise, yoga, meditation, etc. (i have no doubt that these help a little, but they don't solve the problem). Then you have little kids who eat fuck all, do whatever they want running around the street blocks covered in mud, and they're happy as fuck.
You can still be that kid. Don't conform.
I dropped out of college last week, and now every day is sweet ass euphoria.
Maybe quit your soul-crushing job?
Also, do you know why kids are happy as fuck and adults are all depressed? It's because kids do what they want and don't give a fuck, while adults conform and do shit that they hate. Thus, adults try to cope with the stress by doing shit like exercise, yoga, meditation, etc. (i have no doubt that these help a little, but they don't solve the problem). Then you have little kids who eat fuck all, do whatever they want running around the street blocks covered in mud, and they're happy as fuck.
You can still be that kid. Don't conform.
Couldn't agree more.
& That's weird, I dropped out a few weeks back too, freshman year lol