How Do You Overcome Cynicism?

GimpSpack

GimpSpack

Hairless Neckbeard.
Aug 8, 2011
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Hi. My name is GimpSpack, and I am a cynical asshole.

(In case you couldn't tell).

  • I'm highly skeptical about "feel-good" shit.
  • I put almost zero faith in romantic love.
  • I'm allergic to social convention & prolonged harmony
  • I gravitate towards dark shit (humor/entertainment)
  • Motivational speakers no longer work on me, because I realize it's their job to tell me hopeful shit so I'll keep coming back for more (it's a fucking hustle, like anything else).
  • Anytime I try to transition into a positive/grateful mindset, I feel like it's forced and insincere because I can think of a million *legit* reasons why having a negative mindset is more justified than a "positive" one.
  • I always assume the worst in a broad, philosophical sense (a weird sort of optimistic pessimism - like "shit" is the baseline for life, and anything else is an aberration - but that's fine, cuz we should expect it)

It's not 100% of the time, but more often than not, I don't allow myself to get stoked about life (fear of disappointment?).

It's not even that my life is that hard. I can't isolate any particular life event that would lead me to think this way. I actually have a lot of things going for me (people gravitate towards me, have good friends, I ain't broke, I'm very creative, and I'm a socially confident person).

I suspect much of my outlook is irrational and the result of poor thinking habits/useless coping mechanisms.

I wouldn't trip about this, but it's beginning to creep into my relationships with friends/family and affect my work ethic (which is already pretty subpar).

Don't want this negative energy, mane.

So I guess my question is, have any of you gay webmasters struggled with this shit? Shit = dark, skeptical/cynical mentality.

Have you been able to mitigate it? If so, how?

Any mental tricks, routines, or philosophical insight you care to share?

I'm too young to be this much of a jaded asshole lol
 


I've lost most of my cynicism with age. I think it's a crippling trait to have though.

It pays to be pragmatic. Cynicism is for angsty teenagers, not for good businesspeople.
 
I have a similar background to what Oppie has laid out. I recently figured out what the root cause is...

The mother fucking Internet.

Solutions? Still working on that.

I think the cynicism leads to a closed mind which contributes heavily to my biasis. Would love to here what you well rounded guys suggest
 
Being pragmatic no doubt helps me get paid more that cynicism, but it's hard sometimes and unavoidable for me when looking at pop culture. Watch the world burn and all that shit when the TV is on. I keep that vibe out of my family time though, no need to spread the shit.

I'll add stoic to the cool words-made-things that age rapes you with.
 
dmnEPC said:
I have a similar background to what Oppie has laid out. I recently figured out what the root cause is...

The mother fucking Internet.

Solutions? Still working on that.

I think the cynicism leads to a closed mind which contributes heavily to my biasis. Would love to here what you well rounded guys suggest
Click to expand...

Yeah, I think the internet has a lot to do with it. You get an unfiltered view into every possible niche, group, movement, perspective, etc. in existence and most of it isn't pretty.

I can imagine filtering out negativity or remaining blissfully unaware was a lot easier when all you had was a newspaper, friends, family, coworkers, TV/Radio, and your little town. Basically, your own little niche which defined your reality for you.

But now we have access to everything. One minute I can be watching a Tony Robbins presentation, and the next minute following a link to an ISIS beheading on YouTube.

WTF?!
 
boatBurner said:
I've lost most of my cynicism with age. I think it's a crippling trait to have though.

It pays to be pragmatic. Cynicism is for angsty teenagers, not for good businesspeople.
Click to expand...

I know it's not for businesspeople. That's why I'm trying to find a way out.

I guess finding a way to be realistic/pragmatic without slipping into cynicism is really what I'm trying to achieve.
 
I'll probably get laughed at for this but I would be approaching it the same was as depression, because a constant negative mindset is often an indicator. Definitely not saying medicate or anything but look at things like cranking up some exercise or a hobby to get you doing something you enjoy to recalibrate. Shit, even make sure you've got a good diet happening.
 
IIn my opinion, for starters, you are bored and your attention wanders aimlessly. I have a simple solution that is not about feeling good or thinking a certain way.

1st: Make sure that you are actually doing things in your life that you enjoy. It's easy to repeat similar patterns and habits everyday, but are you actually looking forward to doing anything specific? It's easy to fool yourself because you do the same things everyday but look closely. For me I'm aware of it, when I just plod through the day and do nothing I feel like shit. When I work on things go with current goals I feel enlivened. I'm doing shit right now and in a good space mentally, I don't necessarily 'feel good though'. I'm reading through a 900 page book on Linux Kernel programming. It's a passion for me, it changes the inner mood but I'm not raving at the mouth. When I don't do shit that drives me I could be feeling the same mood as now but I feel dim and cynical.

2nd: Attention training. Do it faggot. The only thing you are aware of now is your constant stream of shitty thoughts. You aren't really aware of them, just dimly aware, but suffering in circles. Fold a pillow in half, sit your butt on the edge of it while sitting cross legged and make sure your back is straight. Focus on the sensation of breathing wherever it is strongest. When you notice your mind wandering about stuff or thinking just notice that and come back to the breath. The first thing you will learn is you can barely do this. You are more or less trapped in your stream of thoughts and they are sometimes so subtle you really don't know you're doing it.

The thought stream is not the only channel in your head. Most people aren't even aware that this alone is true. They just exist in thoughts and only thoughts. I had a great insight once going hiking and I noticed that my mind naturally was completely quieted because my attention was so desperately needed to focus on the climb. What a mental relief this shit is, to only focus on my body / environment / breath and enjoyment of the climb.

That's what meditation is. Learning that the fucking thinking and cynical shit is not all there is. There's no point in trying to force it away or make it stop because you can't. You need to build your concentration up so you can use it and specifically use it. On the mountain I was forced into using it and not being able to think about cynical shit, bills, youtube videos. In this case you are learning a skill and can use your concentration to focus on a task, working, programming, sex, running, cooking. Whatever you are doing.

Anyone who's ever done some intense shit, skydiving, intense work out session, getting high and doing things get the idea that you can go inside of activity of what you are do. The default mode is you just being inside your thoughts, all the time, shit fucking sucks. Imagine being in the hiking frame of mind, but trying to take a math test. You'd feel like a fucking idiot who couldn't concentrate and would keep forgetting what you are looking at because your attention is on something else all the time.

It's practical as fuck and useful. Been practicing for over a year. After the first 90 days of 20 minute practice I remember I once read an entire book in 6 hours straight without even realizing someone next to me was playing a video game. Normally that shit would be so distracting trying to read words and hear sounds.

This really has helped of course with Linux books too. Any tasks that requires attention, which is all of them if you think about it.


tl;dr - Do shit that drives you. Practice concentration exercises so you can focus said passions. If you are consistently doing these activities you will be happier despite your outlook on the world.
 
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Cynicism often masquerades as enlightenment or superior intelligence but usually it's just a defense mechanism used to avoid doing or being anything risky.

What are you afraid of that you hide behind the internet all day to escape from? Failing? Succeeding?

If you don't know, then maybe you're too self absorbed. Go do something in service of someone else in need. It doesn't matter how cynical you are, we're hard wired to feel good whenever we help a brother out. From a perspective greater than your own drama, you might find some clarity.
 
I recently ran across a video of paul simon performing his song "the boxer"; while i was watching it, one of the lyrics struck me as true:

"a man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest"

my immediate thoughts went to the current situation of ferguson/NYC unrest & protests; despite no clear racial motive and plenty of other evidence contrary to their beliefs, they are protesting anyway... why? its not because they're stupid, its because they are processing their world thru a lens of racial pre-suppositions and 'disregarding the rest'.

chicks with daddy issues do the same thing, which is why every guy they're around winds up being 'just like their dad'.

in both cases, its a mental habit of choosing what to focus on and processing that in a way to support what they already want to believe. cynicism is exactly the same -- the only difference lies in what you're cynical about.

Gimpspack -- you mentioned Tony Robbins above... in PP2, he's got plenty of materials on how to manage your focus & how to change your associations (habitual autopilot for mentally assigning 'meaning' to what you're focusing on). i've found those useful, YMMV. GL.
 
I dunno. I feel like if things are consistently hard or going wrong it seems normal to feel a certain way.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTFvDqBVNBI[/ame]
 
Also when I'm trying to be more positive I try to incorporate some of this guys philosophy. The video is pretty old so it's probably better to just listen to it in the background

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EQWhQt9OQo[/ame]
 
Lucidity said:
Cynicism often masquerades as enlightenment or superior intelligence but usually it's just a defense mechanism used to avoid doing or being anything risky.
Click to expand...

That's my suspicion. I wonder if most of my cynicism is really just a shitty defense-mechanism to guard against the anticipated pain of losing.

I think I'm gonna start taking more risks. Risk aversion is a relatively new thing to me, but I should probably break this fucking habit before it takes over 100%.

What are you afraid of that you hide behind the internet all day to escape from? Failing? Succeeding?
Click to expand...

Failing. Wasting money. Wasting time. And possibly succeeding, although some days I'm so fucking hungry I just hustle my ass off nonstop.

Just never a consistent hustle day-in-day-out.

If you don't know, then maybe you're too self absorbed. Go do something in service of someone else in need. It doesn't matter how cynical you are, we're hard wired to feel good whenever we help a brother out. From a perspective greater than your own drama, you might find some clarity.
Click to expand...

I'm incredibly self absorbed/selfish.

I'm also pretty involved in a non-profit.

But the issues they're trying to tackle are so deeply systemic, it barely makes a difference.

Cue cynicism! lol

Nah, but seriously, something weird happened after I posted this. My mood got way better, and I just kind of let go. Stopped thinking about it.

I think just expressing what was inside, working, and then coming back later to objectively read what I posted had an effect. My OP is now grossing me out.

Like how the fuck did I let myself get this way? I don't want to be that guy.

Fuck that.

In addition, this thread is totally a me-fest and it's making me sick to my stomach that

1) I felt the need express my shit anonymously to a board full of strangers.
2) That I expected people to actually give a shit and offer suggestions.

But whatever. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only cynical fuck on WickedFire, so hopefully someone else can gain something from this.

Thanks for everyone's suggestions, read them all. I'mma start doing what I need to do to overcome this shit and become a better, healthier, more productive person.

Feel free to continue posting thoughts, possible solutions, motivational shit, admissions of cynicism, or whatever.

Going forward, this thread could actually become motivational to someone other than myself. Who knows.
 
It's just about knowing the right balance.

Being 100% positive all the time and wearing pink glasses is retarded, because life is full shit and you need to have a thick skin to deal with it.

On the other hand, being negative full-time is bad for many reasons, not to mention how your negative thoughts affect your whole body - believe or not, it's your choice.

About motivational stuff, try listening to people who's job is not "motivational speaking", but people who do it just to share what they went through in their lives. People went from broke to millionaires, who don't do it just for the sake of cashing in on their success.

Of course, there's always money involved, but whether you agree or not, there are many people who motivate people for bigger reasons than just making money.

A good example - Eric Thomas.
 
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- Use logic. It is not more logical to have negative thoughts as that makes you unhappy. It is more logical to have positive thoughts. Try to think more like spock from Star Trek.
but also use...
- Law of Attraction (don't read up on it, just visualise what it would be like if you achieved your goals). Similar to "if you smile at the world, the world smiles back at you". If you do something nice for someone or even just smile at someone, you may see something on their face which will make you happy.
and avoid...
- Never ever read conspiracy websites and limit your viewing and reading of stuff like Bill Maher and all the anti corporation, anti religion stuff. The world is seriously fucked so just let others deal with it if it is effecting you. If you drive past a car accident don't look, if you are in a hospital ignore all the patients, don't let anyone else say anything that influences your thoughts. Get control of your own thoughts and you will be fine because the only logical thoughts to have are positive.

Then get in the fucking Christmas spirit, pour some brandy in your coffee, Watch Die Hard and start singing...
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-10fWHdpmks"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-10fWHdpmks[/ame]
 
The key is to not limit yourself to have any quality. What does it even mean?

This means dis-identifying yourself from moods. A mood is a state, a type of experience, a mode of being. It is like your computer is not just Firefox, not just Word or Photoshop. You are aware that sometimes you are tired, sometimes you are grumpy, sometimes bored, sometimes inspired, sometimes cynical, sometimes overflowing with joy.

For this, it is perfect that you say you are selfish, self-absorbed. You just need to become even more interested in yourself! And start observing everything that is going on in your internal life.

You will notice that states come and go. Right now this cynical perspective seems to be staying the most, but if you observe carefully you will see you are not in it 100% of your day. It comes and goes. But because of your belief when it comes back you pick it up and your mind starts playing with it until you suffer and feel bad. So it is only you, who has given it credibility.

So in reality what we are is this space of potentiality. In this space any experience can play. The more open we become, the more different experiences can happen to us. The more open - the faster we learn and "grow" in experience and understanding.

In this field/space of potential experiences, you can limit yourself by believing that you have particular qualities. That you are male or female. That you are smart or kind or calm or impatient. The real freedom comes when you are free from these, then your actions, thoughts, feelings can flow effortlessly, because you don't have any standard to uphold, no personality to be, no expectations to meet. In reality all of us experience all of these moods and states.

If you realize that you can see the same event/phenomenon/object from multiple perspective at once you are free. Like a kaleidoscope you can switch through perspectives and experience life richly.

Become free of any perspectives. That means that the Seer that you are has to be free of quality. Become free of any shape, form, color. Even space you are not. You are more subtle that anything you can observe or discriminate. Here in lies your immortality. This Seer is identical to the one in a worm and in God, in devil and in a saint. This is the unifying One, the one that we all have at the core. Find it and you will laugh at cynicism as a joke from hell! = )

Cynical perspective is perfect stage to move further! Stay as only the observer and all the secrets will start revealing themselves.

Observation, contemplation, concentration and meditation are key to success in any field of life. Start using these tools and 5 years down the road you will see for yourself.
 
I like the video above.

Simply says we base our thoughts on Love or Fear.

Decide which one you want to choose and stick with it.
 
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