How Do You Overcome Cynicism?

[jonbird]

Early 20s.

For a living, I want to do IM/build profitable online assets. Just make enough that I can live a location-independent lifestyle. The typical dream, nothing special. After that, fool around with investing or maybe even start a more long-term business. Tons of other creative endeavors I want to jump into as well (music production, app development, etc).



I don't know. It's just I've seen so many people struggle with their life and completely lose it (mentally), that the possibility of a pro-longed, dismal existence is very real..

Life isn't for everybody, and many people (whether it be due to nature or nurture) just can't cope with this shit. It's sad to see. So when I see ill-equipped people shitting out children left and right, it makes me upset. Like, they can't even get a handle on their own life, what makes them think they can provide an adequate foundation for someone else? We barely know enough about the human condition to make our own existence tolerable.

Not only that, but 95% of human issues/conflict are due to childhood trauma of some sort. Criminality/antisocial disorders don't spring out of nowhere. The seed is planted early on in life.
We live in a trauma-based society, and I don't believe most folks understand how their irrational beliefs, shitty lifestyle choices, and impulsive parental decision making can affect developing minds.

Everyone's always doing "the best they can," but obviously that's not good enough. Sociopathy is steadily on the rise, and judging by the state of business and politics in the world, these motherfuckers are rising to the top quickly.

I believe human beings have a lot of potential. It upsets me when people bring life into the world without being aware that they're potentially tossing an otherwise valuable asset to the species into a fucking meat grinder (to continue the cycle of bullshit or perish as an empty shell of what they could have been).

Not so far apart then bro. I'm later (sadly) 20s. I basically agree with your logic: I don't know you from Adam but from what I've seen of your posts I gather you're black and from America. Which explains your cynicism if you're tuned in. I mean, perfect example, there's so many people on this forum that ARE intelligent and clued up, but yet MASSIVE cognitive-dissidence nonetheless: On the one hand they are bigging up socialism/change/bitcoin and then, on the other hand advocating capitalism/O'learyism/cronyism. SMH. Ohh and the racism.. Divide and Conquer as.

Despite all his flaws:

He's pretty bang IMO.

Personally I reckon if you consider yourself intelligent enough, then you owe it to society to lead by example & show another way. Dat weight though..

Anyway, I'll leave that there because I'm not a theological or philosophical man. Plus I'm pretty pissed. In terms of the IM stuff: I missed the gold-rush of PPC arbitrage & easy SEO. I deliberately stood back from the crypto stuff (minor regrets, but on a serious note, not really..) I've realised that while I've learnt some serious stuff from this website and others - & putting it into practise in the mean time - it's not where my skill-set ultimately lies. On the analytical side of things, perhaps, but not all day long and definitely not technically speaking, but at least I have a nice overview moving forward...

2015 for me is going to be about building something ("a niche") that I am passionate about, and throw everything I've got, and learnt, into the mix. The most authoritative speakers that speak to me here (not literally, and not talking post count either) are basically selling the shovels btw. Fuck IM. Figure out what you want to do, or what you can that benefits others, and use this learnt skill-set to further those ends.. Is my plan anyway

/drunken-notshitposting

RE location independence, that's less important for me, but my opinion would be that you want to look to physical product (inb4 dropship) with a USP ("big brand") which sadly requires some start-up capital = Maccy D's / Kill ya parents.

Merry Xmas WF xx

 

[qualo]

Jim explains his awakening:
{video}

It is always about identity, about who you take yourself to be. There lies the key to our freedom.

{video}

Which let to a subscription service starting at $15 per month lol. Cynicism mode back on.
:xmas-smiley-030:

 

[qualo]

Re: doing a physical product

Buy a 3D printer on a credit card, move the money to another credit card that charges no interest for a year and get designing.

They just "emailed" a wrench to someone in space today. There is no barrier to entry for 3D printed products as long as you can get a credit card. Everyone can now make things and sell them online. Then you will be able to sell the blueprints through an email so people can print them out on their own 3D printers too.

 

[wiredniko]

First off, up until I was 27ish I totally agreed to this:

I put almost zero faith in romantic love.
I'm allergic to social convention & prolonged harmony
I gravitate towards dark shit (humor/entertainment)
Motivational speakers no longer work on me, because I realize it's their job to tell me hopeful shit so I'll keep coming back for more (it's a fucking hustle, like anything else).
Anytime I try to transition into a positive/grateful mindset, I feel like it's forced and insincere because I can think of a million *legit* reasons why having a negative mindset is more justified than a "positive" one.
I always assume the worst in a broad, philosophical sense (a weird sort of optimistic pessimism - like "shit" is the baseline for life, and anything else is an aberration - but that's fine, cuz we should expect it)

I believed that the world sucked and it's killed or be killed.

I also felt that people lied to themselves when they where positive. Things like "I will love you forever" made me want to puke. Like, how can you even claim that? Shit happens all the time. Love is not forever!

When I saw people that smiled all the time I wanted to punch them. How fake can you fucking be?

However I identified an issue. My approach to life was so strong that it would depress me. Other times I felt disconnected from the world, because I was so "different".

Even for things that legitimately I should have been hopeful for I was not.

Multiple things happened to me that made me that way. Graduating from college with a computer science degree and only being able to find a job at Denny's was one of them. Living in a really bad neighborhood dealing with all kinds of crazy shit, like my next door neighbor being attacked by rival drug dealers...my house would shake every time the train passed by...at 12:15am and 3:30am every weekday. Then I had to go to the military because it's mandatory where I am from....a year of my life wasted to stupid fuckheads telling me what to do in the middle of fucking nowhere...in a country that I wanted nothing to do with.

Love life wise I got hurt a lot from a very young age. Stupid girl shit really but when you deal with it you don't know that.

My solutions while I was in the military was to have sex..a lot of sex. Somehow that was the only thing to fill the black hole in my heart. Validation from getting laid.

So that's where I was.

Military enlistment got done. Came back to the States and went to San Diego, found a decent job that I really liked.

Guess what though? I still hated life. I was mad at the world, at women, at society.

I asked myself why. Why be this way? What purpose does it serve me aside from making me feel like I am somehow a lone wolf...or special...or different from others?

The glass was not half full or half empty for me. It was broken.

I am typing all this stuff up to show you Gimpspack that I was fucking there.

I tried something simple...it will sound stupid.

Every time you have a negative thought that starts expanding on itself you drop it.

Let me give you a real example (this is pre-cell phone era):
I called a friend of mine, he did not answer
I call another friend of mine, he did not answer.
The thought occurred to me that they where hanging out but I was not invited.
Then there was a girl in the group, I thought she is probably hanging out with them
What if they are in a party...why was I not invited?
Fuck them
Friendships are an illusion. People have friends that serve their needs. There are no genuine friends out there

I went from making two phone calls with no answers to the absurdity of friendships. Does it sound familiar?

Instead it should have been this:

I called a friend of mine, he did not answer
I call another friend of mine, he did not answer.
They might be hanging out but I was not invited.
*drop the thought and move on*

I tried to do this for 30 days. Every time I failed the timer reset itself.

When I started I sometimes would have to reset within 5 minutes. I think the first day I had negative thought patterns like 13 times in a span of an afternoon. It gradually got better. I started having whole days...then a couple of days...then a week...then I forgot about it but my mind was altered.

Not only did I stop indulging in negative thinking but my negative thinking subsided. This was 8 years ago, I still catch myself doing it once in a while, I think it's a common human attribute BUT I just drop it.

I used to do a finger snap, like I was casting the thought away. If I immediately returned to it I would snap my fingers again and again until I felt like a stupid dork and my brain diverted its attention away.

Once you are able to stop your negative thought patterns your life would have changed to the positive.

Step 2 is to try to attain peacefulness. Trying to attain happiness is counter productive. It's impossible to be happy all the time. It is possible to be peaceful when things are good or bad. That is a much more complex mind shift.

Anyway I empathize with your situation so I wanted to share my story.

There is a lot more to this..it means that your core mindset focuses on negative shit, but even if I tell you...you will not truly understand it. Perhaps your mind will understand but you will not internalize it.

Find your own path.

Might as well start meditating 20 minutes a day.

The rest will take care of itself slowly...and sometimes painfully but such is life.

 

[bluechinagroup]

only to come out on the other side and gain momentary recognition (or no recognition at all [until after their dead]).

Why is it that so many people on here can't figure out the difference between their, they're, and there? You just come off as poorly educated when you write like that.

Also OP you sound depressed. Get help.

 

[MSTeacher]

Why is it that so many people on here can't figure out the difference between their, they're, and there?

Good point their. Some people, there not all they're.

 

[bluechinagroup]

I think OP needs to deal with his depression with some therapy as well as figure out exactly what he wants to do in IM.

I knew exactly what I wanted to do in IM: Own my own offers that ship physical products. The best part is there's plenty to keep me busy with since there's always split tests to do to in order to improve the sales funnel as well as launching new sites.

On the side I am also experimenting with game development for iOS/Android/PC with Unity, as well as continuing my Chinese language studies.

I feel satisfaction in my life that goes beyond just making money. Why? Because I have purpose in life, and have plenty of intellectually stimulating things to do. OP you are going nowhere in your life and that is the root of your depression, but again you should probably talk to a professional about that.

Also if you think doing IM is being an SEO jock, then you're really thinking about IM the wrong way imho. It's not wrong to do SEO, but you should build a real business too.

 

[Jameel]

Hi again bro,

This is all prefaced with me not knowing you, I don't know if you have a chemical imbalance or if you exercise or eat McDonalds daily. Assuming you have all of your other marbles in place:

Based on some your responses in this thread I really belive what you need is an intervention of location.
I don't think taking LSD or trying to analyze your analyzing will help you any. As it is, you basically wake up
and are who you are, thinking the same thoughts, and thinking from this lens. My honest opinion in what you need
to do is get up and actually take a retreat to another place. I don't mean pack all of your fancy shit and laptop and go
check into a hotel because you'd just do the same thing.

You seriously need to switch into a different frame of mind, and you need to be in a place where the environment does it for you.
This means you need to do something that forces you to engage with it and frees your thinking from how it is now. Don't go camping
if you hate camping, you'll just sit there bored and think about how you're in the same situation. I don't know you bro, maybe this means kayaking,
going to volunteer on a farm or some shit, go to another state and help build a house.

To reiterate, when I was hiking, not only did that clear my mind, but when I reached the top and looked down I did not have to force myself to look
at things differently. A physical change in environment changed my perspective for several hours straight. This took only the effort to climb the mountain
which was a reward in itself.

I believe most of the recommendations in this thread are giving you advanced workout instructions when you've never been to the gym. Do this, watch this,
think this, believe this. That's too hard for you now. Lift the bar first. You need to lift yourself out of the fog by having it done for you. Don't take up a new hobby
or try to watch hour long videos. Do you get my point? Your results from doing 'advanced shit' when you are buckling under your own (mental) body weight will be small.

Look to the other stuff for a helping hand, but only after you have started on that new path. It's like the buff dude in the gym spotting you and yelling 'CMOOOOOOOOOON' when you are on the last rep.
Ironically the buff dude trying to get you to go to the gym the first time usually has no effect. There are a lot of things in this thread being yelled at you that won't help until do the basics first.

At some point you need to start a concentration (mindfulness) practice. I don't like the word meditation in daily life because it has hippy shit attached to it. This practice is not trying to clear your mind, run away from reality, or zone the fuck out. You can't force your mind to clear as a beginner anymore than you can iron waves out of water, it will happen naturally, trust. One of the best things that I read in a book related to mindfulness was a womans near death experience. She said that her level of concentration was so intense, that 'If I could bottle it, I could addict the world'. I can personally vouch for how satisfying on a physical and mental level being in a high state of concentration is. Another tidbit from the book was that concentration affects every aspect of your life, thus increasing it, enhances every aspect of your life. I believe this is true. I've finally been able to do stuff I've been struggling with for 10+ years. I think what's happening here is that when you are able to consistently concentrate on things you love doing you enter a flow state more often. This is intrisically blissful as fuark.

When you start your practice you will get hung up so you'll probably need to post here again for advice. The most common thing I hear is 'I sit down but I can't focus on my breath'. That is the point, every time you >>> notice <<< your mind wandering, return it to the breath. Even if you can only do that 5 times in two minutes, those are the reps, that is the exercise. When you notice, you are building your mindfulnes and concentration. Over time it will get easier, you can't stop the mind from wandering. It took me about 3-4 months before I had one session where my mind did not actually wander off of the breath in 20 minutes. This is NOT the end goal however, just keep practicing. You are building a muscle, not trying to lift a target weight. The benefits are that of gaining a mental performance skill, not showmanship of lap times.

The fun stuff happens when you notice yourself being mindful during daily life. When you listen to music and notice an adundant level of concentration and enjoyment. An automatic noticing of negative thoughts and moving back to your breath. When you have a conversation with someone and you are so present you really see people. When you realize you are no longer rushing through life and missing most of it. You start to see quality in nearly everything you do. When you realize your thoughts are just a stream of data that are not you. It does it's thinking all on it's own without you. That you can now choose the focus on whatever you want to focus on. The further down you go the more insight you gain. One of the most important is that nearly everyone is in a constant stupor of thinking and are held hostage to the next thought that comes careeing into concsciousness (sam harris). On top of that if you do nothing but think thoughts then there's nothing to think about but thoughts (alan watts). You now have the option to have thoughts that enter your mind be salt into a shotglass of water, or salt into an ocean.

I try to keep it simple and using exercise analogies. This is all like when you start working out. You notice an increase in energy, better sleep, new muscles you didn't know were there, general movement is easier. You aren't necessarily doing it just to be able to lift weight. You do it to maintain and build a level of health.

You can benefit 1000 fold from just learning to build concentration. If you want to actually to actually get into more advaned stuff, like gaining insight from using mindfuless on your actual thoughts, do that down the road, not now.

Only watch these videos after you have booked or setup your travel destination to do my above suggestions.

Andy Puddicombe: All it takes is 10 mindful minutes | Talk Video | TED.com

tl;dr - Your cynicism is supported by where you are and what you do everyday. Change your environment to a place that forces a change in perspective.

 

[MSTeacher]

Early 20s.

For a living, I want to do IM/build profitable online assets. Just make enough that I can live a location-independent lifestyle. The typical dream, nothing special. After that, fool around with investing or maybe even start a more long-term business. Tons of other creative endeavors I want to jump into as well (music production, app development, etc).

Skip the first part and just start building a long-term business now. Think about it for a while and then pour into it. If you're still in the mindset of 'building profitable online assets' but aren't thinking about their connection to a 'more long-term business' then you should take some time to consider how you can marry the two together and make your short term work become a foundation for some kind of definite long-term business goals.

Do some mind mapping, diagramming, flow charts, etc. and also think about what sort of business models are inspiring to you for their personal challenges and successes.

I don't know. It's just I've seen so many people struggle with their life and completely lose it (mentally), that the possibility of a pro-longed, dismal existence is very real..

Life isn't for everybody, and many people (whether it be due to nature or nurture) just can't cope with this shit. It's sad to see. So when I see ill-equipped people shitting out children left and right, it makes me upset. Like, they can't even get a handle on their own life, what makes them think they can provide an adequate foundation for someone else? We barely know enough about the human condition to make our own existence tolerable.

Not only that, but 95% of human issues/conflict are due to childhood trauma of some sort. Criminality/antisocial disorders don't spring out of nowhere. The seed is planted early on in life.
We live in a trauma-based society, and I don't believe most folks understand how their irrational beliefs, shitty lifestyle choices, and impulsive parental decision making can affect developing minds.

Everyone's always doing "the best they can," but obviously that's not good enough. Sociopathy is steadily on the rise, and judging by the state of business and politics in the world, these motherfuckers are rising to the top quickly.

I believe human beings have a lot of potential. It upsets me when people bring life into the world without being aware that they're potentially tossing an otherwise valuable asset to the species into a fucking meat grinder (to continue the cycle of bullshit or perish as an empty shell of what they could have been).

You're worrying about things that are burning too much personal capital and don't return anything beneficial back to you. You sound like an empathic person at heart and from the above I think being heavily affected by cynicism is at least in part a result of the human condition falling short of the potential that you see in it. I know that feel.

I think the best thing you can do is be serious with yourself about your truths regarding people and society and, like them or not, let your truths ruthlessly inform your decisions. Put them to work. What I mean by that is to turn your cynicism into harsh realism.

Don't hold your breath for humanity to change. It won't any time soon. Don't spend more than a passing moment considering the conditions of other people with whom you have no direct energetic interchange. There's no point. Direct your energy toward things that interest you, challenge you, inspire you.

That's not to say that you should live irresponsibly. It's stupid to litter because your plastic bottle might end up on the lawn of the guy down the road or washing up on a shore on the other side of the world and whomever comes across it will not like it any more than the next person. But whether that person down the road or on the other side of the world is an irresponsible asshole passing legislation that oppresses populations and cranking out babies when they should have their tubes tied is nothing to spend energy on any more than you absolutely need to, which is usually not at all. Thinking about it is wasting your energy. Planting sterile seeds.

If realism is harsh, then so be it. Be a harsh realist. If, to you, 99.999% of women are incapable of fostering romantic love then draw that conclusion, swallow that pill and get used to being single...but don't close the door on the .001% of women who are the exception. If you feel fake or insincere about being positive then conclude that nothing is currently inspiring you, move on, and seek out something that compels you to be positive whether you want it to or not because it speaks to you authentically. The difference between 'the world is fucked up, people are retarded and shit's going downhill' and 'the world is fucked up, people are retarded and shit's going downhill but fuck that noise, I want to create a business or three, earn lots of money, travel a lot, and learn Japanese because it fucking makes me feel good to rock out with my cock out' is massive. It makes all the difference in your world.

I think the transition from cynicism to realism comes in slowly accepting and proving to yourself the fact that the world is indeed completely fucked up and yet there is plenty of satisfaction to be found for anyone who bothers to look for it and dedicates some energy to interact with it. Many people who are gruff, aloof, quiet, they're holding it down inside with harsh realism, stubbornly sifting through the bullshit with their convictions held firm and their goals in mind, carefully selecting where they give out and take in energy. In their minds the world's not a very nice place and if they don't have anything nice to say then they've concluded that they should probably not say anything, so they don't say much. They're just keeping it together and reserving their efforts for things that matter to them rather than pissing it away to shit that doesn't pay dividends. Nothing wrong with that.

Cynicism sucks because it it anti-goal, and thus anti-accomplishment, and thus anti#winning. If you're real with yourself and accept the reality of things that you don't like about the world then you can direct your energy more willingly toward things that aren't as annoying or depressing, things that do confirm that it's not all bullshit out there, all the while being aware of, wary of, disgusted by - but not personally concerned with or tied to - the bullshit that gets you down.

GLB

 

[kumansk]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jE1j5Om7g0U[/ame]

Me no ted fan but this is the shit, talking to girls, chatting up strangers and making them have a good time, getting shit done, it's just dat outflow son.

 

[boatBurner]

OP, life is not this complicated.

Make a conscious decision to change something you don't like about yourself, and then follow through with it.

These long-winded posts are good for intellectual fappery, but if you're looking for actionable advice, read the above again.

 

[bluechinagroup]

OP, life is not this complicated.

Make a conscious decision to change something you don't like about yourself, and then follow through with it.

These long-winded posts are good for intellectual fappery, but if you're looking for actionable advice, read the above again.

Yeah OP should put more effort into self improvement. The long winded posts he's making really do nothing to improve his miserable unhappy life. Hopefully he'll have some inspiration to actually do something with himself for once.

 

[GimpSpack]

Damn, mad inspiring responses. I'm very grateful for the feedback.

Thanks WF for keeping it real.

I've implemented some suggestions this morning.

Not going back.

Can't afford to.

 

[rusvik]

Great thread.

 

[Veritas]

This video sums up some of the things going through your head.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOEF1aOCLaE

 

[slowboiled]

Drugs aren't an option for me anymore (not a long-term option, anyway).

Don't under estimate the benefits of a heavy trip a few times a year, just to clear the cob webs from your ego. It's one of the few things I think everyone would benefit from regardless of background. No 'what is life all about' analysis needed if taken deliberately to get out of your head and back to basics, instead of in a party or social atmosphere.

EDIT: Just thought of another one: Stop judging people, events, trends, patterns, etc. I might be holding reality to unreasonable standards (which takes an epic amount of hubris, actually).

That's some sage shit right there. Huge one for me and when I get settled into a pattern of non judgement it really helps keep my eyes on the prize instead of the train wreck going on around us. Lots of people are shit and our culture gets off on commiserating the 'new loser line up' daily. No one can pay attention to that all the time and not turn into a cynical prick without some maintenance. Gotta be deliberate with the media you choose too, we're still pretty basic in terms of being affected by the tv/movies/music/books we inject whether we admit it or not.

 

[absolute]

It's your inner "worrier" and you being too proud to show it and too lazy to deal with it. So you become all cynical and shit.

Here's a random song that sums up my thoughts on the topic:

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vE4VlA_9OrI[/ame]

 

[shindig]

I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do with my life until I was 26 and have tried a hundred things that I didn't know I didn't want to do.

Traveling a few times a year makes a huge difference in refreshing my attitude.

 

[groneg]

The key is to not limit yourself to have any quality. What does it even mean?

This means dis-identifying yourself from moods. A mood is a state, a type of experience, a mode of being. It is like your computer is not just Firefox, not just Word or Photoshop. You are aware that sometimes you are tired, sometimes you are grumpy, sometimes bored, sometimes inspired, sometimes cynical, sometimes overflowing with joy.

For this, it is perfect that you say you are selfish, self-absorbed. You just need to become even more interested in yourself! And start observing everything that is going on in your internal life.

You will notice that states come and go. Right now this cynical perspective seems to be staying the most, but if you observe carefully you will see you are not in it 100% of your day. It comes and goes. But because of your belief when it comes back you pick it up and your mind starts playing with it until you suffer and feel bad. So it is only you, who has given it credibility.

So in reality what we are is this space of potentiality. In this space any experience can play. The more open we become, the more different experiences can happen to us. The more open - the faster we learn and "grow" in experience and understanding.

In this field/space of potential experiences, you can limit yourself by believing that you have particular qualities. That you are male or female. That you are smart or kind or calm or impatient. The real freedom comes when you are free from these, then your actions, thoughts, feelings can flow effortlessly, because you don't have any standard to uphold, no personality to be, no expectations to meet. In reality all of us experience all of these moods and states.

If you realize that you can see the same event/phenomenon/object from multiple perspective at once you are free. Like a kaleidoscope you can switch through perspectives and experience life richly.

Become free of any perspectives. That means that the Seer that you are has to be free of quality. Become free of any shape, form, color. Even space you are not. You are more subtle that anything you can observe or discriminate. Here in lies your immortality. This Seer is identical to the one in a worm and in God, in devil and in a saint. This is the unifying One, the one that we all have at the core. Find it and you will laugh at cynicism as a joke from hell! = )

Cynical perspective is perfect stage to move further! Stay as only the observer and all the secrets will start revealing themselves.

Observation, contemplation, concentration and meditation are key to success in any field of life. Start using these tools and 5 years down the road you will see for yourself.

This is now the final chapter of an ebook that I just completed and will be selling. Actually, the book only has one chapter.

+++

all kidding aside good shit.

 

[groneg]

If you're bothered by where or what you are, then you've been given a pretty good framework for change by the other posters. Stay in the present. Meditate. Diet. Exercise. Acceptance. All good shit.

Also seriously consider dropping/adding people from/to your life. That means friends and possibly family. My family growing up was cynical as shit. That was one of their better qualities. 18+ years of a truly bad situation. Even with that, I've been around here long enough to see that my family life was an Aruban getaway compared to some dudes. And when you're born into a particular situation sometimes you don't know Paul from wall.

So just drop them. Cut off all of that diseased flesh and make an effort to surround yourself with folks on the other end of the spectrum. Good people in your life is like biological compounding interest. The rewards add value to your life in so many ways.