how would you deal with your child being bullied at school?

grazie

grazie

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Jan 9, 2010
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My son is 12 years old and is currently being badly bullied at school. I guess a couple of kids at his school constantly call him names, threaten him, etc.

He's a straight A student in gifted classes, and since this has been occurring, his grades have dropped. He doesn't want to go to school, and I can see how this is taking a toll on him. I got a call from him today and it's getting worse.

First thought that comes to mind in handling the situation?

Violence.

But, you can't really kick a 12 or 13 year old kid's ass, ya know? I think there's laws against shit like that.

Anyway, things I'm currently doing:

- Setting up a meeting with the guidance counselor

- enrolling him in jui-jitsu

- flying up there to give him support for a week (he lives out of state)

- teaching him how to stand up for himself more


So fucking pissed right now, all I can think of at the moment is snapping this bully's neck like a twig.

What would you do if you your child was being bullied hardcore?
 


I'm assuming that he is in public school. The fine for fighting is a trip to a JP and a $500 fine for each child fighting no matter who is at fault (isn't that another great example of social engineering).

Pay the fine. Even if you have to get a part time job, save up the $500 and pay the fine. Your kid will have respect for you and learn respect for himself. You owe it to your child to teach him to stand up for himself.

If you don't he's going to get clobbered in the real world and have a really crappy life, or even worse wind up walking in a parade in San Francisco. God hates a coward and our public schools are cranking them out by the millions.

Zero tolerance goes both ways.
 
Bofu2U said:
To be honest I think you nailed it. Is this happening at certain times/places?

Like always at 10:30 between classes, etc?
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Yeah, between classes he says.

Looks like I'm on the right track then.
 
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There is only ONE way to stop a bully and that is to face him. Tell him to punch him in the fucking nose as hard as he can!!!
 
Fastb said:
I'm assuming that he is in public school. The fine for fighting is a trip to a JP and a $500 fine for each child fighting no matter who is at fault (isn't that another great example of social engineering).
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Is this a new thing? I got in 3 fights in school when I was in middle/hs and only got suspended for a few days each time. Also if your son does get in a fight, he should take the guy by surprise, like just randomly slamming his head against a locker then start clobbering his face while he's dazed.
 
grazie said:
He's a straight A student in gifted classes

- enrolling him in jui-jitsu
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Ok confused.... (1) He's in gifted classes, but you wanna enroll him into jui jitsu?

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Find out what makes him a traget..

Does he act like a fag?
Does he say stupid shit?
Does his mom walk him to the bus stop?
Does he fit in?

My cousins mom made him wear velcro sneakers until he was 15. The kids made fun of him for it but it could have been avoided. If you can find out whats making him a target you an try and fix it.

I don't think teaching him self defense will help because its an invite for other kids to fight him. Than if they beat his ass he'll feel even more worthless. He wont get respect for fighting back unless he really hurts the kid.
 
jenzkc said:
Is this a new thing? I got in 3 fights in school when I was in middle/hs and only got suspended for a few days each time. Also if your son does get in a fight, he should take the guy by surprise, like just randomly slamming his head against a locker then start clobbering his face while he's dazed.
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Been that way for nearly 10 years in our school district. They have an on-campus police officer at every school on every school day.

I disagree with the ambush tactics, I don't want to pay $500 just so the boy can have some fun but I don't mind spending $500 for him to learn something.

When this happened to my son I discussed it with him at the dinner table in front of his mother. I gave him plain and clear instructions on what to do the next time he was bullied. Short version: hit the guys nose so hard it bleeds and he and other bullies will never bother you again.

He said he didn't want to go to court and I pointed out that seeing how everything you do in life is illegal now anyways he needs to learn early what lawyers are and how court works.

To my amazement my wife completely backed me up. I was expecting some serious negative feedback but it turns out she doesn't want her son to grow up hiding in his closet.

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Two options really, make him fight back or talk to teachers.

Talking to teachers can solve the problem if the bullies are little pussies who are scared of teacher's reactions or being caught, on the other hand if they're proper little horrible ferrel kids this could just make it worse.

You could make him fight and teach him a martial art, but that will only work if he beats the other kids up, that could get him in loads of trouble, it might not work and it could make him an even bigger target.

Maybe try to look at the root symptoms behind why he's being picked on.
 
hmm, im pretty sure you don't want to solve it for him. He needs to feel like he handled this himself.

My first inclination, is that teaching how to fight, while it may help, isn't the core solution. What your son needs, is to not be afraid of getting his ass beat. If there was a way to show him, that the worst they can do, isn't that bad. He would have the confidence to tell them to fuck off.

Most likely just talking shit back to these guys would get them off his back after a small confrontation. He talks back, the guys would test him to see if hes serious, because all in all they are kids too and they are scared. So he talks shit, they test him in some way, he needs to stand his ground.

I would probably teach him how to just quickly take someone down, not how to last in a fight. You teach him to not be afraid of getting in a fight, and then you teach him how to stay away from someone trying to attack you, and then you teach him how to kick someone in the balls.

Despite how "lame it is" to kick someone in the balls, anyone who sees him go down while your kid stands up will get the message.

Just waxing philosophical here, but just like in fight club, I think its much harder than most people think to get their ass beat in a fight.
 
The biggest thing you can do is go and be with him. He's 12 and needs his father during a time like this.

I wouldn't bother with a guidance counselor. I would call the principal of the school (no reason going up the food chain, start at the top) to let him/her know what is going on, schools take this stuff very seriously now. I would tell the principal that it must stop now before someone gets hurt (not necessarily your boy either). And while you're at it I'd let them know you'll be there in a week or so and if it continues you'll be in his or hers office demanding to sit with the other child's parents to finish this problem. Let them also know you'll be keeping them posted about the progress and tell the principal that they should be present during this time because obviously there's a lack of supervision in the halls.

If he does stand up for himself, tell him to do it when a teacher is nearby and can see what's going on just incase he gets in over his head, after all there is more than one person giving him problems.

If he did go on the offensive, most people will back down including a bully. They're only a bully until something happens to them. Another alternative is to go on the offensive when only one of the bullies are present, they'll probably never stand their ground alone. Pick them off one at a time.
 
Other possible solutions are making him look cool as fuck in front of his classmates, and his bullies look like d bags.

Thoughts are cute girl hangs with him at lunch, some shit like that

Teaching him the social way to handle this will probably help him for the rest of his life.

I'd probably start by googling "how to amog". It's a pua thing for handling douche bags in social situations. Obviously most of the stuff wont' apply to little kids, but the principles behind them could help him deal with these guys. I would probably get some people to make fun of him in a practice situation, and give him a chance to practice dealing with it.
 
Needs to take a chapter out of Paddy Doherty's book.

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RoughOutline said:
Two options really, make him fight back or talk to teachers.
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Back when I was in school it was not uncommon for the coach to grab the two boys, take them to the gym, put on some gloves, and settle their differences. Usually after a few rounds neither wanted to continue fighting and the boys became friends.

The coach was there to make sure nobody was injured, both boys could say they where winning until the coach stopped the fight.

This was a VERY common solution to the problem. It worked extremely well.

Could anyone imagine the media frenzy if a school did that today? It would be the lead story on every national network, the coach would get fired and probably charged with child abuse.

12 year old boys are supposed to fight, it's part of millions of years of evolution and has been prominent through 4000 years of civilized development.
 
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