What Do You Do When Your Kids Want To Kill You?

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IceToEskimos said:
Insurance is good, there's options as far as treatment goes. GF is a nurse with adolescent psych experience, and has a lot of contacts in the medical community. We are reaching out to them now.

I'm inclined to treat it as an imminent danger, and act accordingly.

The boyfriend is a tool, and hasn't done much in the way of discouraging this behavior, but I don't know how he feels about it.

She doesn't know that we know any of this, we just found out about an hour ago.
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Well I assume the boyfriend is also 15 so he's as useless as the 99% of people here who are also 15 and dumb as fuck. I was just wondering if you can talk to him to see if her behavior seems more like attention gathering shenanigans than real threat.

But honestly, now that I think about it, don't talk to him; he will invariably tell her that you did that, which could light a fuse.

You really have two options at this point:

1) Stay up all night and make sure your family stays safe and get her to a doctor first thing in the morning.

2) Drive straight to an emergency room and have as much proof with you as you can muster up so they don't turn you away. If possible, call ahead so they know you're coming and make sure they know how real the threat is and it's not just you overreacting to something out of context or something like that. You can't afford to be turned away from there because again, that could set off her fuse.

As for how to breach the subject that you're taking your homicidal daughter to the hospital: be kind but firm. She might either fly off the handle go HAM on you or might break down in tears. Either way, stay committed to what you decided and remind her that it's because you love her and want her to be healthy, don't tell her you are afraid of her and want to protect your family (which is probably more true).

Your phrasing should revolve around helping her, not yourself. It's a subtle but crucial difference.
 
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rusvik said:
Sorry to imply anything, but if you have treated her well, it seems strange to me that she would behave this way. I think you need to be very honest about how your family works. If after looking honestly at yourself and your family and you can't find a reason for her feelings, then you should probably call some sort of youth hotline asap.
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It's a bit late to be looking at feelings and family life, if I came across that kinda stuff it's something you've got to deal with immediately. Family problems / root cause can be determined/sorted later. The main thing is to keep the family safe.

If she spends a week in a psych ward because of it, and she was messing around, it'll teach her one hell of a lesson.
 
Unarmed Gunman said:
In that case, I would send her off to live with some other relatives until she gets her mind right. No way I would take a chance with someone harboring homicidal thoughts no matter who it is. Girlfriend don't like it - peace out baby.
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Sorry, but offloading the problem on someone else isn't the solution. What are you going to tell the recipient of the child when they ask why you want to relocate her? "Oh, you know, she's got fantasies about killing her entire family, but don't worry about it, you'll be OK."

I wouldn't take her in.

dchuk is much more on the money. I would sit her down and confront her about it immediately to try to gauge her mindset. Simply ask her why she has been writing these things and what she is thinking. I would call the boyfriend's parents and tell them what has been taking place between the two of them. I would have the cops on standby until you get to the bottom of what's going on and if it seems like she's serious don't hesitate to have them come and take her away until you can arrange psychiatric treatment.

I'm going to guess it's stupid teenage bullshit but the only way you'll find out is by having a serious adult conversation with her.
 
also, as she is a minor, I'm pretty sure she cannot check herself out of any psychiatric ward she is placed in unlike adults. So you have that to rely on if shit gets bananas
 
i grew up in an seriously abusive household and so did several of my friends. i'd never have dreamed of saying that shit and if i'd heard it from one of my friends, i'd have considered him/her a psycho on the spot.

don't take it lightly & don't think being nicer will fix it. don't ignore what just happened in sandy hook. normal kids don't even think shit like that, let alone say it, let alone associate with people who'd accept/encourage it.

take decisive preventative action now. worry about corrective action later.
 
Fatbat said:
Sorry, but offloading the problem on someone else isn't the solution. What are you going to tell the recipient of the child when they ask why you want to relocate her? "Oh, you know, she's got fantasies about killing her entire family, but don't worry about it, you'll be OK."
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I was thinking more along the lines of temporarily sending her to live with grandma or a favorite aunt or something until she can get help. If her problem is with mommy & I2E, I don't see how that would endanger granny.
 
that's messed up, however you decide to deal with this I truly hope it all works out in the least mental/physical painful way.

This is serious shit, I don't want to paint the devil on the wall and teenagers be teenagers, much stuff that goes on that age has different roots than family life even
when that's the focus of the anger.
But about 2 weeks ago a girl here 22 was sentenced because trying to kill her parents in her sleep.

I'm in no age nor do I have experience with a teenage daughter.
I have however dealt as a salesperson directly to alot people.
So I have a good guess of reactions people have to certain situations and confrontations.

You may not want to hear this but if you have read her texts secretly for whatever reason.
It's not something you can confront her with
without her loosing the shit.
She's a teenage girl, you read her private texts whatever animosity she has towards you is just going to intensify
and you will give her all the more reason to think she's right in distrusting/disliking you.

If you sit her down, I think saying you have a feeling of bad air between the two of you without mentioning the texts would open her up softly.
And what dchuck said, do what she likes but what she likes with you not with her friends.
Where you can spend time with her without outside distractions, so words can come out naturally and don't have to be forced out.
Make her feel she wants to talk to talk.

If you really feel you have to address the texts. Fuck the boyfriend. Say he told you. Don't go into details.
You don't know if it's true, ask if it's true, be on her side, whatever way just direct the anger elsewhere or to somebody else for the time being.
If she feels like you both being fucked by the same person she is also more likely to open up.

Now again first point.
It's a teenager. This is fucked up.
But shit, kids these days do, say all kinds of fucked up shit to impress their friends.
may all be some sick kind of joke with the shit boyfriend or her trying to get his attention.

wish you figure it out.
 
Daughter wants to kill your family, so you ask WF for advice.

BeFkM.gif
 
+1 to have a separate mod edit and delete mpbiz quote.

Good luck bro. It's all going to work out just stay strong and fight for your family.
 
Instrumentalist said:
Daughter wants to kill your family, so you ask WF for advice.
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Just because you don't feel a bond with your WF brethren, does not mean nobody does. The fact is many of us spend more time here than we do with our families. It's of little wonder why one might turn for help in a time of crisis
 
rusvik said:
Sorry to imply anything, but if you have treated her well, it seems strange to me that she would behave this way. I think you need to be very honest about how your family works. If after looking honestly at yourself and your family and you can't find a reason for her feelings, then you should probably call some sort of youth hotline asap.
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You would be surprised how screwed up people can be.

My mother in law lives with us, I pay all the bills, she doesn't have a thing to worry about, I've provided a great life for her. I've encouraged her to do many things, I have treated this woman better than my own mother.

What do I get in return? She lies to her family about mt wife and me. They know its all BS and tell me all about what she says, but she doesn't know that.

The problem is, when you provide too much for someone, it leads to resentment. I believe in my case, she feels like she hasn't accomplished anything with her life, and rather than be honest with herself about it, she projects those negative feelings onto us, and blames us for for whatever it is she hasn't done with her life.

With teenagers this is likely to happen too, especially with how messed up their heads are while going through puberty. To be honest, the situation the OP described doesn't sound that strange. The boyfriend is probably some angst filled kid who talks about this kind of stuff himself, and she's trying to relate to him and is probably even one-upping him.
 
Parents want to believe providing for children and active parenting guarantees good upbringing. What parents often miss is a lack of a real connection with a child.

She might be seeking attention Ice, your attention, attention of your gf.

While seeking professional help is important, don't reject her, don't alienate her. There are some fucked up moments in every family, going through them together makes family so special.
 
Crisis intervention mental health people are here now, doing an assessment of the situation.

Everybody is all smiles and non-confrontational.

I'm going to Wal-mart later tonight to buy locks for the bedroom doors.
 
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