Do you or will you spank your children?

Do you or will you spank your children?

  • Yes

    Votes: 70 53.0%

  • No

    Votes: 62 47.0%
  • Total voters
    132
You guys with all these imaginations and smarts not having to come after your kids with some spankings are lucky. I have 3 boys, each 2 years apart from the other, and if I didn't have at LEAST the threat of spank to work with, they'd probably kill each other.
 


dreamache said:
Good video below about unschooling, which is an entire philosophy on raising children without aggression/mandates (largely) of any sort. Not only is there no spanking, but you give your children the freedom to go to sleep when they want, eat when and what they want, learn when and want they want, etc. (assuming you have the ability to do this without public school).

This woman has raised her children in this manner and it's very interesting to see what she has to say about her experiences. My wife and I have started to integrate these ideas with our own toddler, particularly the food thing and it's very interesting to see how well they self moderate. Definitely a worth while listen if you're a parent.

Schooools Out For Evah! Unschooling with Dayna Martin - YouTube
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I've seen a few people who have done this and the results were absolutely miserable.
 
schockergd said:
I've seen a few people who have done this and the results were absolutely miserable.
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That depends on your definition of miserable. If it's, "they're not obedient, they won't listen" then yeah, you might be right. But I happen to think, depending on ages here, those can be desirable qualities and are a natural state of childhood in the absence of fear/corporal punishment.

If we adjust our expectations, one more consistent with reality and not culture, children behaving like children is OK. We have to remember they're independent beings, just as we are, whose needs and preferences have equality; and not inferiority just because they're children.

Maybe you can elaborate on how exactly the results were miserable? And let's also not mix and match here, did they truly parent consistent with the ideas in the video? Or did they just not spank, but also didn't give a shit about or pay attention to their kids? There's a big difference.
 
swift551 said:
if they are wrong its you'r duty to spank them after some chances
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Ok well when you're wrong, you better not have a problem with someone kicking your ass as a means of correction. And you better beat your wife when she does something wrong, as well. It's worth keeping consistent here.
 
If you have a little boy and he's a total dick all the time and you spank him, I'm not going to judge you. It must be very difficult to put up with that. He may end up in juvenile hall, he may end up president of the US (not sure which is worse), there are a lot of other factors that will determine how he turns out.

However, I can tell you with certainty that if you spank your little girl, she will grow up and be hopelessly and irreversibly into being spanked by other men. This is an inevitability, so, you know, might be something you want to consider.
 
dreamache said:
Ok well when you're wrong, you better not have a problem with someone kicking your ass as a means of correction. And you better beat your wife when she does something wrong, as well. It's worth keeping consistent here.
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invalid argument.

your kid's not going to get fired/lose contract/flush life down toilet for his misbehavior, but an adult will. And a spank does not = ass kicking.
 
wat__ said:
invalid argument.

your kid's not going to get fired/lose contract/flush life down toilet for his misbehavior, but an adult will. And a spank does not = ass kicking.
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Right, so why then must we attempt to replace those natural, non-violent consequences with violent consequences?

wat__ said:
And a spank does not = ass kicking.
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THE CHART OF VIOLENCE
--spank --------- ass kicking ---murder
_________________________________
0 - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

You're right, it's just a lesser degree of violence, but it's still violence.
 
you can't take an invalid argument, and then say "right, why do it then?"

lol

If you're the type of person who prefers to make his child suffer through guilt, loss of your approval, long term solitude, revoking of some other comfort in order to prove your point to them, congratulations. You've evolved...
 
wat__ said:
you can't take an invalid argument, and then say "right, why do it then?"

lol
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The guy was justifying the use of violence as a means of correction. I was only asserting if that's his stance, it's worth being consistent across all ages and relationships in life. That's a logical argument. Now of course I don't agree with that stance.


wat__ said:
If you're the type of person who prefers to make his child suffer through guilt, loss of your approval, long term solitude, revoking of some other comfort in order to prove your point to them, congratulations. You've evolved...
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I don't prefer or do (rarely, I'm not perfect) any of those things. Making another person suffer through guilt, shame, isolation, rights restriction; especially a person whose cognitive abilities are so low and fragile is not only wrong, but ineffective.

I try to take the stance of reason, who'd have thunk?!?
 
I've got a 3 year old.

I've only laid a hand on her twice, and both times she was distraught afterwards. Both times were situations where she had been putting herself in physical danger (a busy road, and a fire). I didn't do it to punish her, but because I wanted her to have a strong association that those things were something to be frightened of.

Up until age 2 1/2, I trained her exactly as I'd train a dog. Clear commands, positive reinforcement, making it very clear I was in charge with body language, tone of voice etc. It's worked out just fine. No, you can't always reason with very small children, just as you can't reason with a dog, but you don't need to hit dogs either.

Sure, I probably have an easy kid, but when I've taken the same approach with a friend's kid who they tell me is a fucking nightmare (daily tantrums, disobedient, violent to the point where the neighbours called social services because of the screaming and banging etc etc), she responded to it.

All children are born with an instinctive need to please their parents. The way you raise them can either encourage or suppress that instinct. If you encourage it, it gives you a far more powerful tool to use than the threat of violence, which eventually loses its effectiveness anyway (the kid I mentioned earlier - her parents hit her with a hairbrush. It worked the first time, then the second time she went and got the hairbrush for them.).
 
wow... anyone spanking their kids has some reading to do.

From all of psychology, it becomes very clear that punishment is a shitty strategy (to put it mildly)

::emp::
 
I got spanked and I turned out fine. I mean I made it here didn't I, its not like there is anything weird about internet marketers or anything.
 
dreamache said:
That depends on your definition of miserable. If it's, "they're not obedient, they won't listen" then yeah, you might be right. But I happen to think, depending on ages here, those can be desirable qualities and are a natural state of childhood in the absence of fear/corporal punishment.

If we adjust our expectations, one more consistent with reality and not culture, children behaving like children is OK. We have to remember they're independent beings, just as we are, whose needs and preferences have equality; and not inferiority just because they're children.

Maybe you can elaborate on how exactly the results were miserable? And let's also not mix and match here, did they truly parent consistent with the ideas in the video? Or did they just not spank, but also didn't give a shit about or pay attention to their kids? There's a big difference.
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As adults, they are unable to follow instructions, show up on time to work or be able to function in modern society.

What I am going from is based on those I've seen who schooled their children in this way : No punishment, let the kids essentially do whatever they wanted up through highschool, did not enforce or require education of any form and let the kids pick up or drop whatever they wanted. No bedtimes, no rules during childhood essentially.

Maybe this isn't the exact definition of unschooling but it is my understanding from some that i know/knew who grew up like this.

Please remember, my family and my wife's family were homeschooled 100% K through 12. Most of the kids I know grew up in homeschooled households, most have been successful. In the cases where kids grew up to be essentially failures, they were in very authoritarian households. Those who are close to failures (very lackluster performance as adults, sort of 'float' through life) had absolutely no discipline in the household.

The successful ones (And I would consider myself, my brother and his family, and my wife's family all successful) were all in the middle in forms of punishment & correction.
 
pinay_gal said:
Definitely no! I'm not gonna spank my future kids..
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