Thanks. Its been almost 2 months now since I moved to an apartment. First month went by fast and blurry... I don't live at home much now, just going from friend to friend, taking time off, drinking and trying to have some fun. Having kids over the weekends, trying to have some fun with them too so its easier on them.
Ended up in emergency room at the end of December, couldn't sleep and eat for 5 days or so... Had some ambien, but still couldn't sleep or eat for another couple of days. Was just going crazy. Never refilled the prescription, fuck the pills. All this happened while I was trying to sit at home, just think in the dark, trying to sort things out.
But then old friends started calling me and coming over, and I stopped thinking. Beer + fun + some movies before falling asleep right after the first 5-10 minutes of the movie - best medicine. So for now, just going from place to place, taking time off. Going to east coast next week for a week, may be see some old friends there, relax... Then, probably moving to Portland, and will try to come back every other weekend here to see the kids.
Left everything I had except my desk and computers, got and older car that broke up in a fucking month. Will fix it, just need to get another check this week.
Working just enough to pay for the bills right now, but this will change in a few weeks. I feel a lot better now, just sucks being by myself after 7 years of marriage. Need to change the way my brain works now, forget and move on.
Being on my own, I realized that I am not what I want to be and was not going in the right direction... Got used to easy life. Gave too much of control over things to a girl, never again. Got lazy. Now setting myself for the new way. Fuck everything, just do what I need to do. Grind, get as high up as I can, provide for the kids and help out the people who showed their support when I needed it, even though some's lives are fucked up more then mine. But everything is fixable. Just can't fix stupid I guess.
My plans got ruined, I sold some of my ideas and will have to work on them for a paycheck for the first few months, or a year, until I get to the point where I can start all over. But I think it may be better this way as I need to get the divorce finalized before I start something new.
Have one hottie hitting on me now, but keeping the distance. Don't feel like I need it right now, just staying friendly... feel that I need to get all the crap taken care of, have everything finalized, get some personal things done, and set myself back up to stability.
Setting myself with the new goals, I hope that I passed my bottom and the only way to go from here is up. For now, rest a bit, get focus, settle the old shit, change the way of thinking, grind, rebuild some bridges, learn some new things, and keep on walking.
