I need you WF brethren. I'm a lost man.

JarredLv

Rape and Pillage Canada!
Dec 24, 2008
2,185
65
0
Las Vegas
I don't have a lot of people in my life. I have my immediate family and a few close friends. I guess it is the nature of our job. But I turn to you guys because we may not be those most classy of people, but the respect I have for you all is immense.

I'm getting divorced. As cliche as it sounds, I never thought this would happen. I never thought the woman I married would turn out to be someone with poor integrity and a shitty understanding of what fidelity means. I try to find solace in knowing that I never had children with her and that I can find someone else, but at this moment it really doesn't do anything for me. I'm not a person with a lot of faith. So when I give it to someone and see it...I don't know...it shakes the very foundations of all things I hold dear. I call into question everything else. I'm a man without direction at the moment. Advice? Motivation? Something to make me see some kind of rosy ending to this.
 


If the situation you were in was right, you'd still be in it.

Knowing that, you can try and find something that works for now with more clarity.

It's not much, but it's the truth.
 
I've been through a divorce and it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

However, you should relish your newfound freedom and really reflect on the fact that you have zero ties to hold you back and that the world is your oyster. You're at a point where you can turn your life into whatever you want. Don't waste it. Pour yourself into work, into fitness, into becoming whoever you want to be. Nothing like a divorce to wipe the slate clean and start fresh.

Good luck bro.

Inb4
"OP is beta crybaby"
"Man up or gtfo"
etc
 
"No good marriage has ever ended in divorce."

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bekvgMEcgqI]Louis CK - Hilarious - Part 2 - Being Single Again - YouTube[/ame]
 
Aw, that sucks. But since she's a bitch you'll be way better off without her. Now go out and bang two chicks at the same time :)
 
Ouch, sorry to hear it. Been there, done that, wouldn't want to do it again. Unfortunately, I handled it quite horribly, so no real advice.

Actually, once piece of advice. Make a clean break, and don't ever look back. Don't hold on, don't think if you give it some time things may work out, don't just hope the future will get better, etc. When you wake up tomorrow, you're a new man, with total freedom, and a brand new and bright future ahead of you. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone, and do things you normally wouldn't, or things you've been holding off on.
 
Every situation in our life is caused by complicated set of matched conditions and reasons.

When those conditions change and that set falls apart, the situation also changes.

But man can't know these conditions. He only sees and experiences effect.

This is the only law in our conditioned Samsaric world - the law of cause and effect.

Think impermanence. Think that what happened was meant to happen. Thank and praise God or whoever/whatever you believe for that you recognized these changes in your situation now, and not in 10 or 30 years.

This means you are wise. This means you are open and don't think flat patterns. This means you value your freedom more than any concept. This at least means you have balls.

And the pain... Is inevitable, I know. But just relax and breath calm. Time cures.
 
Advice? Motivation? Something to make me see some kind of rosy ending to this.


Here is what I would do. (Disclaimer: I have never gone through the experience you're going through. So, take my thoughts with a grain of salt.)

- Cut off as much contact with her as possible. Once the divorce is final, cut it off completely. No calls, no emails, no texts. Be ruthless about it.

- Talk to your close friends and family. Hang out. Enjoy their company. Don't allow them to dwell on your "situation."

- Identify a few things you find to be personally rewarding. This could be songwriting, playing with your dog, or going hunting with your buddies. Do those things.

- Never consider reconciliation.

- Never consider talking to your spouse for the purpose of "closure."

- Never consider "hearing her side."

- Spend 60 seconds being absolutely clear with her regarding the above.

I would never presume that you share the same perspective as I about this type of thing. Thus, the above is not advice. It is merely what I would do.
 
You might be down and you might think this is horrible, it isn't, when you look back 6 months from now, 1 year from now, you will think wtf was I think with the current ex you were with. You will laugh your ass off when your dating another bitch with bigger tits, even hotter looking. Remember, think positive and think big, you will find 5 star babe, and enjoy the single life, go to a strip club and relax...and enjoy the time by yourself.

BONUS: You don't have any kids for now, so you don't really have to deal with her anymore.



single bitches/rant
 
:( Sorry Jarred.

That really, really sucks. I've never been in your situation.

What I can encourage you with is the fact that this is a chance for a new beginning. Are there bad habits you've had that you've wanted to break? Are you eating well and exercising regularly? Are you reading good books to help develop your skills and personality?

If not, this is a great time to hit the reset button metaphorically in your life and go down a new path. I've gone through some "life catastrophes" before - but nothing like you are currently. Not to sound too cheesy/cliche - I'm confident that you will emerge from this a better person as a result of this.

Best of luck to you, man. If you wanna chat more, please hit me up on Skype or PM.
 
You don't have kids. That makes things simple. Clean break. Get the divorce over with, grieve for the relationship and move on. If you don't already, start a decent exercise regime, and eat properly. You'll feel better, and you'll look better, which will improve the quality of woman you can attract in future.

If you don't have enough r/l friends, go find some social activities to fill your time.

Also - take time to reconnect with friends you've neglected over the past few years. It's good to keep those friendships going, and it's a reminder that there was life before you met this woman, and there is life afterwards. The older I get, the more I realise that a man shouldn't rely on his wife for emotional support and stability... that's for us to provide for them, not the other way around. Friends and family (the family we had before we married) are where we get ours, and if you've been neglecting that aspect, now is a good time to sort that out.
 
Are you on crack?

Every situation in our life is caused by complicated set of matched conditions and reasons.

When those conditions change and that set falls apart, the situation also changes.

But man can't know these conditions. He only sees and experiences effect.

This is the only law in our conditioned Samsaric world - the law of cause and effect.

Think impermanence. Think that what happened was meant to happen. Thank and praise God or whoever/whatever you believe for that you recognized these changes in your situation now, and not in 10 or 30 years.

This means you are wise. This means you are open and don't think flat patterns. This means you value your freedom more than any concept. This at least means you have balls.

And the pain... Is inevitable, I know. But just relax and breath calm. Time cures.
 
You could always fuck her sister/mom/best friend just to be a dick - it might not make you feel better, but at least it would make her feel worse.

Actually, I think some of the advice given already is probably more productive. But still, does she have any hot friends?
 
Become rich and get in great shape - things will suddenly(_ass) get better.

Knowing you can be attractive to the opposite sex is a wonderful confidence booster.

And sometimes having no direction, banging girls and telling them how sad you are that you wife cheated on you can be pretty cool.
 
From the OP, it sounds like the bitch cheated on you. Man, sloots gonna sloot. When I got cheated on, I did exactly what this guy says, and I felt like a champ.

At one point or another, everybody ends up getting dumped for one reason or another, even Brad Pitt.

So there's absolutely no problem with that. The woman just didn't want to be with you any more. Perhaps she only wanted the sex and it got boring or maybe she is looking for something more serious. Nobody is 100% compatible with each other and differences are going to occur and relationships will terminate.

But some of you guys just can't handle being dumped by a woman and you feel like you absolutely NEED to get your ex-girlfriend's back, or at least make them fall in love with you again, for your own self-validation.

So, what exactly do you need to do after a woman breaks up with you?

Should you offer to be friends? HELL NO.

Should you beg her to get together with you? HELL NO.

What if you think she is the woman you were destined to be with? - If she is so meant to be with you, she will come back sometime in the future.

What if she was a virgin and you are afraid other guys will take her virginity? - Oh well. Nothing you can do about it.

ONCE a woman dumps you, she thought about it 100 times before she did it. She played it over and over in her head. Most likely she has another guy waiting up in line. Even more often, they usually have a man who is already sleeping with them and taking care of all their needs.

Once it is over, it is simply OVER.

Do speak to her any more.

Do not maintain contact with her any more.

Do not have her on your friends list on facebook any more and don't chat with her on msn or keep her on msn.

Here are 5 rules:

1) Delete her phone number.
2) Delete her MSN.
3) Delete her facebook. Delete her myspace.
4) FORGET about all the websites she goes to and don't stalk her on the internet or worse, in real life.
5) Do not initiate contact. Either on MSN, internet, real life or over the phone.

Break any of those rules and you have lost the game.

Let me explain to you the way women's minds work.

After a woman breaks up with a man, she is UNSURE about her decision. Women are very uncertain creatures. Women do not trust themselves. Very few women are extremely self confident and even those will doubt their decisions a lot of the time.

When growing up, a lot of these women looked up to their fathers to make sure they made the right decision. Daddy would approve or daddy would disapprove. And that is how they knew they made the right or wrong decision. But, they can't really talk to DADDY about their decisions with men.

So what happens?

When they break up with you, they judge based on YOUR REACTION whether or not they made the right choice by dumping you.

If you CRY, BEG HER BACK, WANT TO BE FRIENDS, and proceed to call her and give her attention... SHE KNOWS SHE DID THE RIGHT CHOICE. This is what 99.9% of guys do.


If you smile, walk away and don't say a word - then she will not know how to handle it. In a few weeks she will start to DOUBT she made the right decision. Anxiety is going to go through her every time she thinks about you. After a while, she will start to think of you every day. Then it will become every few hours. Then it will become every few minutes.

Eventually she will no longer know how to handle it and the curiosity and anxiety will drive her wild.

She will try to call you or email you.


If you pick up the phone and speak to her, you LOST.
If you answer her email, you LOST.
If she texts you and you reply back immediately, you lost.


Once she INITIATES CONTACT with you, if you are too easy to get ahold of, she knows you are easy.
The whole challenge would be lost.

After she calls you once or twice, she will start to go crazy, even more.

You may not believe this happens but it really does.

Her anxiety will go through the roof and she won't be able to sleep at night. Believe me. Especially if you put up a picture on your facebook with yourself and another girl holding hands or showing any type of affection. It will get her insane. She will start to think you found your dream woman and she is forgotten. This will drive her crazy.

Imagine her anxiety level like an EMPTY GLASS.

Once she dumps you, she usually has a little bit of anxiety. If you start to cry and blow up her phone, she TRUSTS HER DECISION and she feels no anxiety towards it. She looks at you and you are done.

The DEAL IS SEALED.

However, if on the other hand, you don't cry and you walk away with a big smile, she will wonder what happened. Give it a week, and that "glass" will start to fill up. Her anxiety level is going to rise.

Then she will try to call you. You don't answer. Unconsciously she starts to think you are better than she is and she lost a good thing. Her anxiety and fear of loss go through the roof.

When she sees you with another woman, jealousy emotions will kick in and she will lose her mind.

She WILL and i repeat. SHE WILL GO THROUGH A CRYSIS PHASE.

When that glass gets all the way full and she can't handle her anxiety any more, she will do something insane.

This can be:
- call your phone 287 times in 12 minutes
- leave an email saying she will kill herself
- tell you she really needs your help and she cant live without you
- say she needs you and wants you

What do you do when she does this?

You go to the liquor store, buy yourself a whiskey and a cigar, sit on the couch, light the cigar, SIP your drink, savor the moment and you do NOTHING.

You let that anxiety stay at a peak.

Her anxiety will be overwhelming to her and she will start to slowly build up other emotions toward you.

When a woman is given EXTREMELY strong emotions from a man, like ANXIETY or HAPPINESS or FEAR, or any other, she will begin to think she is in LOVE WITH HIM.

Yes.

You read that right. You will make her feel high anxiety levels and she will start to think she is in love with you after a while.

Isn't that the dumbest thing you've ever heard? But that is the way the human mind works.

You let her stay at that high peaked anxiety.

She can call you and beg to get back together, don't do it YET.

Let her beg. Let her grovel. Don't even pick up the phone or talk to her. Let her feel that anxiety. Every second you hold out more, she will fall in love a bit more with you and her feelings will intensify towards you.

If you dated a girl for 1 year, maybe let her grovel and beg for a month or 2.

If you dated her 3 months, let her grovel and beg for 3 weeks or so. Don't give yourself away too fast though, use some judgment.

When she will come back, if you want to start a relationship with her, go ahead.

I DO NOT RECOMMEND TRYING TO START A RELATIONSHIP THOUGH.

The purpose of this guide was to teach you how to be a man and handle yourself like a man would.

And that, is how you handle getting dumped.

Have fun fellas.
 
Sorry to hear that Jared.

Fidelity is a big deal. It's hard to come by. Keep looking though, it's out there.
 
Sorry to hear that man, but the best advice truly is to trust in the fact that time will heal your pain. What's important now is to keep yourself occupied and distracted. When I broke up with my gf a year ago it fucked my shit up and I started playing games again for a couple days just to distract my mind from thinking about it all the time.

The friends you have, tell them you need their help and they will keep you company and process the whole thing with you. Other things that help: taking long walks, doing sports, forcing yourself to hang out with people, talking it through with your family and the last thing that sounds a bit counter productive: listening to depressing music. Listening to shit that depresses you even harder will let you put it out of your system. Don't dwell in it though, use it as a valve every so often to let stuff out if it accumulates.

And remember in time she will be a memory and you'll be glad you went through it because it will make you a stronger man. GL and PM/skype me any time if you need someone to talk things through with.